Half Empty-
Welcome to MB-
You might find some help in this thread:
FWS I'm a FWH. First let me say that breaking out of the fog can be different for each person but there seems to be a point where intense internal conflict sets in. Guilt is usually the first trigger.
Guilt is a moral judgment you feel because you have violated your internal standard. They feel guilt because their actions are in conflict with their sense of right and wrong. Guilt and shame begin to set in. BUT, guilt is usually not enough to break through the fog. What really grabs their heart is REMORSE. Remorse is the feeling of having done something that you deeply regret. Remorse is what you feel when you lose control and hurt someone you deeply love.
Many BS have asked the same question you are asking: “What woke you up and made you end the A?” The answer: REMORSE. I looked into the eyes of my children and saw their shame and hurt. I fell from my pedestal. Oh my gosh…there is no way to describe the pain and humiliation that is in the depths of your soul when you realized that you were the one person who your kids adored. Now… shame, anger, confusion and embarrassment. Then I realized that I still did love my wife. I remember thinking..."What have I done?" A lightbulb came on. I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO. Guilt exists in our head…but remorse moves us to action.
But understand, that is just the very first step; realizing that what your doing is not what you want to be doing. Then you have to decide to actually DO SOMETHING. Once you decide to do something then you have to take the steps to walk it out.
Walking away from an A can rip your heart out in chunks. Withdrawl and depression set in. This is where the WS needs all the support you can give them. It's hard. Hard on them to break free and hard on you to love them while they morn the loss of the OP.
There are several of us FWS's out here so ask away... we are here to help you and your M survive this aweful situation.
May God give you His strength to walk this path out with HIM.
2scared