WW and I have had several good contacts since the weekend. Mostly being able to reveal our feelings without getting angry with each other. We ar still far from attempting a reconciliation but can be civil with each other now for longer periods of time. We can speak of the feelings and compassion and at times love we still have for each other. We talk about missing doing things together and how we need to look out for each other's well being and I believe that she has genuine concern for my future welfare whether we are together or apart; I certainly feel the same about her. I do not want to see my WW suffer any more than she has despite her infidelity and great pain she has caused our family.

We are scheduled for first appearance divorce proceedings next week..... we have been separated for 2 years and the divorce should go through......if that is what we both want.

I'm wondering if this is a good idea; even though I mentioned it to her at first. In our state there are advantages to being married other than the obvious; i.e. if we are divorced I will lose about $3,000 year from a pension; my WW won't get it I will just lose it. This helps me out quite a bit paying settlement and equitable distribution; she will lose insurance coverage through my company and not be able to get coverage elsewhere because she is disabled due to a heart condition; she will lose cetain memberships in her social circle; and there are others. These may be materialistic to some but they are somewhat practical concerns also. So should I let the divorce go through or put it on hold. We have agreed that we will spend some time together whether divorced or not.....with no expectations, no demands.

If you are even considering that it might be a mistake, put it on HOLD!! at the very least. Granted it may be cold feet, but it may be God interviening. Look into your heart! It is never to late to reconcile! I am new to this, but a old time believer in making the marriage work if at all possible, and from the sounds of it, as long as the only reason is not material, then I think you should jump back on the ride and hold on tight. Every marriage is worth fighting for (okay not the abusive ones, but all others, if there is love still involved then fight fight fight for your marriage!!).