Okay...here's what's happening.

He's moving toward her. Although I've hear ILY several times in the past 2 weeks and how beautiful I am, he is no longer kissing me when he leaves. I've types this letter...your thougths are appreacited.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Jeff, my most favorite man,

You know I love you; perhaps even more than I ever did before. We’ve been through a lot. Some good, some not so good. This letter has been difficult for me to write yet I felt that after our conversations, it was something I needed to do.

Our marriage has suffered due to neglect by us both. While striving to meet the needs of our family and careers, we were together yet apart. Many a midlife couple find themselves where we are. I want to acknowledge and apologize for my part in this. I failed to let you know how special you are to me and leting you know how or how much I needed you. I didn’t acknowledge all the wonderful things you brought into my life. I’m sure this helped create a void in our marriage that allowed your affair with Kim to happen.

I have made many mistakes in the past and cannot change those. What I have been able to do is to take steps to ensure they will not occur again. Since March, I’ve been working to find myself again, to become the woman you fell in love with almost 20 years ago. I will continue to make changes of which I am proud and that, hopefully, will allow you to be proud to call me your wife as I have so many times felt pride in calling you my husband.

The past eight months have been a difficult passage of time for me, the most emotionally traumatic of my life. The pain and emptiness I experience on a daily basis has been almost too much to bear at times. My only saving grace is the thought of us being together and happy again some day. God has given me a strength that I never knew I possessed.

You have told me that you’re confused and I have given you time and space. I feel so much for you as I know this is a very difficult time. I recognize you are at a crossroads in your life and that you are reassessing many aspects of it. I want to be able to support you through this time.

You have chosen, however, to include Kim in what is only meant for two. You have maintained contact with her and have an emotional connection to her. You have chosen to put the majority of your emotions in the hands of someone other than me. You have isolated me from a significant part of your life. I’ve said I do not condone your affair, nor do I like it, but I have no choice. You are the only person who can make choices for you, our family and me.

I have waited patiently for your affair to end and it has been very difficult, I’m afraid my stamina is waning. That’s why I made the decision to stop talking to you -- to protect my feelings for you. As I said, this is not an ultimatum or a threat; it is simply that I will not initiate conversation. I know I risk losing you forever. I simply cannot be with you knowing that you and she are together.

I have not given up on us, Jeff. You’ve told me you love me. I know that you do. I want you to know that no matter what the past held, we can get beyond it. God put us together for a reason and with His help our true healing can begin.

I have loved you as many different men: boyfriend, husband, father, partner, confidant, cheerleader, friend and mentor. I want us to share the rest of our lives together, learning more about each other. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this. When you are ready to commit to our family, willing to work on a plan to recover our marriage, and go to counseling, I will be here.

God be with you my love, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

What are your thoughts?

Susan
BS 46
H 44
Married 19 years
Together 20 years
EA began 2/27
ILYBNIL 3/28
H left 6/21, didn't take everything
Kids 17 & 11
Update: He's reading MLC books and I gave him this site to search
1st A (PA)1998 -- Thinking beginning of MLC