Talked with WW again last night. IT is seem to becoming draining anymore. WW still feels the same. Feels that she has not been in love with me for over last 3 years. I know when prior to 2nd DD and before WW recontacted OM during that time she was scared that if she would ever be able to get those feelings back for me.
I don't know if it is fog or not, I am believing to think maybe she really has been falling out of love with me over last 3yrs.
But she contradicts herself that she says when she leaves she is not locking the door and throwing away the key on her heart for me.
She knows things about OM like a wife would know of a husband. Maybe she truely is in love and not living this fantasy world. Maybe i have lost her in that way. She will always love me for who iam and what we had and our kids but she will never love me for the love i am looking for in a husband and wife.
Honestly i don't see how this plan b letter will ever help. I am too close to her as a friend to just cut her off. We have to communicate for the kids sake, and right now my kids are my priority. They are the real victims in all of this. Unfortuanately WW is in the drivers seat and i have no choice but to go where she is driving me.
Even if WW was to come back to me, i don't know if i would be able to make it work. I exhausted now trying to save this marriage. I feel right now i am beating my head against the wall and no matter what i say or try to show her that i love her it just doesn't register with her anymore.
I don't think God would be making me fight so hard to save this marraige if he didn't want it to be saved.
jets
jets

Jets -

Please follow the MB program and give her Plan B letter. Cerri responded to you with a good one, and she is an expert marriage coach.

While your wife is in the driver's seat, you do not have to go where she is going. The dangerous thing is that you may get worn out and lose your love for her. Then you will be the threat to the marriage.

i give up believer.
Asistance pastor in couple counseling called me and asked for WW cell phone number. I warned WW that he would be calling and to just talk to him. She adamently refuses and states that that church has let us down and wants nothing to do with it. States just because i talk to him isn't going to change my feelings for you.

You are much too early in this to give up. I have given up, but it took me 22 months. Your D-day is so recent, you have no idea how this will go.

So please stick with the program.

I am not giving up Believer she is, she adamently states that her feelings are not going to change for me. She not in love with me anymore. Even if OM wasn't in the picture she states that she would feel the same.
I told her that even though i saw a attorney for legal seperation, i felt maybe if this is what you want so bad you come up with the attorney and money. This was probably a mistake but it was suggested by pastor counselor that i shouldn't assist her. I don't know. I am mentally drained. I cannot stand hearing i am in love with you but not the way i should be.
and then what about that doesn't make any sense to me.
Plan b will get sent but i don't think it will work. I cannot avoid contact with her all the time. I am not bringing a third 4th party into this we have to speak d/t our kids and there wellbeing. She must be true to her feelings because she reestablish contact with OM.

all so confusing, sometimes just want her out.
jets

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jets:
<strong> I am not giving up Believer she is, she adamently states that her feelings are not going to change for me. She not in love with me anymore. Even if OM wasn't in the picture she states that she would feel the same.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FOG TALK.
Serious fog talk.

My WW has said the same things to me, but I know deep down there IS love and there IS hope. She's still talking to you, isn't she? And she says things that sound somewhat hopeful, doesn't she?

I've been told...the opposite of love is indifference, not anger.
If she truly was out of love with you, she wouldn't be speaking to you. You'd be out of her life as much as is possible, and OM would be the true love of her life. You wouldn't hear things like "I'm not closing the door on my love for you."

That's the part of her that wants you to hang on for awhile longer, that isn't sure of what she's really saying, that can't see what it is she really wants.

I've been told, and believe me it's VERY HARD to remember, that one shouldn't trust the WORDS that come out of WW's mouth, but rather trust her ACTIONS. If she's giving you any form of attention, even to rant at you about how she's not in love with you, she still cares.

Jets,

I'm with you. Check out my most recent posts in my Plan A journal.

I am exhausted, physically and mentally this week. Our anniversary is Saturday and my WW claims she will be ending relationship with OM when he moves to WC next week.

She has been so hurtful. I've been trying to do Plan A, but I keep getting caught up in the emotion of it.

I'm also in same boat with you and the kids. They play sports and we do a lot together. Honestly, that is the only reason a true Plan B could work. My WW would have to miss all contact with me, including at their games and before and after school. Only way she will see what she is missing.

My WW is still in the same bed, says she never wanted to hurt me, and says she loves our kids. Eventually I believe the FOG will lift, but there is very little sign of it right now. She still brings me juice in the morning, we talk about the kids, bills, etc.

Try to look for the little light that is still on. And try to lower your expectations to zero over the next few months.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jets:
<strong> I am not giving up Believer she is, she adamently states that her feelings are not going to change for me. She not in love with me anymore. Even if OM wasn't in the picture she states that she would feel the same. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jets,
Your W sounds really fogged right now, infact her statements could appear in the Fogged WS Online Dictionary... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I hope that helps you put her comments in the proper perspective.

I know its difficult to understand and accept, but WS's statements are from this foggy side of her and this foggy side is trying desperatly to keep the fantasy alive that she's caused all of this pain for a good reason, that she WASN'T duped by OM, even worse that she didn't dupe herself in the process. If you check into some other threads you'll see that your W's comments are pretty much run of the mill. She never loved you right, or she isnt in love with you...Jets these are all based on her feelings at the moment, can you honestly believe that your W was never inlove with you, or that she doesn't love you right now even if its underneath all of this nonsense and fog? Does OM really have any intention of rescuing your W from this supposedly bad M and whisking her off to fantasyland and if so where the heck is he already? See what I mean? This is all an
exercise in FOGOLOGY. Your W is more than likely attempting to delay accepting the truth; that your M isn't that easy to run from and reality will always set back in and crumble the fantasy world she creates.

Hang in there, you like me, are very early in this process. Actions, Actions, Actions, not WORDS. If you follow her actions you can
devise a better plan. Are you in Plan A or Plan B? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Time to get into a serious PLAN A and show your W how great you can be and how serious you are to change into the type of husband only a crazy W would abandon.

Good luck friend!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 14, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Hey all thanks for reponse,
I agree and i do see alot of waffling on my WW part, but she is persistant in leaving what she knows and starting her own life with or without OM.
Fm i have planned A since May-june. Even during that time after first NC she was questioning on whether she would ever develop those feelings for me. She was still telling me i was comming on too strong too fast. Then Sept hit and she reestablish contact with OM. Now i hear i need out to think for my self. Our sit. is mentally drianing her. Once she walks out that door doesn't mean she locking the door on us and throwing away the key. States doesn't have those feelings in her heart but doesn't know what future will bring. I know all foggy talk but she seem so serious and straight when she saying these things.
Question, was it wrong for me to seek the attorney in getting legally seperated or should she have done this?? If this is her choice should she not seek the attorney?? or does it really matter? end result would be the same.
When seperate will go to plan B but it will be modified for our kids sake.
jets