Here is my story
My W tells me that the OM is her best friend and that she and I never were. She tells me that she loves me, but has become "unplugged" from our marriage over the past several years. This whole situation has really rocked my world. I truly feel that I lover her every bit as much today as I did the day we married. We had grown apart over the years, but I would say she was my best friend for the first 5 or so yrs. of our relationship. I wouldn't think she would have married me if she didn't consider me her best friend at the time.

MIF?

MIF? - I have a question for you:

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How does she ACT around you?</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is she at all attentive, loving, warm?</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does she seem to waffle between good & bad days, confusion?</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Or is she totally indifferent and doesn't seem to care or want to talk to you at all?</font></li>

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Unless it's the latter, I'd say, in big bold letters...

FOG TALK

She made a mistake.
She knows it.
Now she's trying to use every means possible to justify it.
Blaming YOU would be easiest, but many S's aren't THAT deluded so instead they blame themselves with nebulous "I'm just not in love with you, it's no one's fault" kind of way.
That way they're sparing YOU from thinking it was your fault, but they're also excusing themselves from wrongdoing.
And that's even more dangerous - because then they can say "I still care for his feelings, I'm letting him down easy" and that's even BETTER justification and rationalization of their sins, they feel they have some moral high ground now.

So...as it has been said to me MANY MANY TIMES when I've posted distraught "what does she really want?" messages....
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Stick with Plan A until she can't ignore the truth anymore, and then see what her decision is.

VnsMars,

She is very loving around me. As a matter of fact we have been very affectionate toward each other the past several days. We just layed in bed for several hours yesterday once the kids got off to school. Today, she had a dr. appointment and she ended up leaving a little late because we were just laying there holding each other. The one waffling between good and bad days is me. I am the one who has a bad day if I don't get that attention from her. It's funny how I am like a child right now, I crave her affection for reassurance that she still cares for and loves me. I just have been bothered by the fact that she says we were never best friends. I undertand that she wouldn't consider me her best friend at the present time since we had grown apart, but to say we never were hurts. What did she marry me for then?

Thanks for the reply,

MIF?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> VnsMars,

She is very loving around me. As a matter of fact we have been very affectionate toward each other the past several days. We just layed in bed for several hours yesterday once the kids got off to school. Today, she had a dr. appointment and she ended up leaving a little late because we were just laying there holding each other. The one waffling between good and bad days is me. I am the one who has a bad day if I don't get that attention from her. It's funny how I am like a child right now, I crave her affection for reassurance that she still cares for and loves me. I just have been bothered by the fact that she says we were never best friends. I undertand that she wouldn't consider me her best friend at the present time since we had grown apart, but to say we never were hurts. What did she marry me for then?

Thanks for the reply,

MIF? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I reiterate what I said before
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

There is a big difference between what she SAYS and what she DOES.

It's very easy for a WS to say things they don't really mean deep down beneath the fog.
But it's not easy for them to do things they don't really mean deep down beneath the fog.

My BS/WW has said MANY hurtful and illogical things over the past few months, and has threatened to file for DV, take me to the cleaners, never speak to me again, has said she doesn't love me, she hates my guts, she loves the OM, all sorts of things...

But then we've also spent entire weekends together, loving each other, having fun, filling each other EN's - she's also been honest with me that her OM doesn't mean a whole lot to her and is just...there right now.

Why would a S who is emotionally dead to you even bother saying ANYTHING to you at all, or be spending any time with you?

The fact that she sticks around for any contact with you, ESPECIALLY positive contact, means that she is lying to you and to herself when she says those things. Don't pay any attention to them.

Thanks,

You're right. Actions do speak louder than words. If she didn't want to be with me, she wouldn't allow me to give her affection and I doubt she would return the affection.