Thanks Believer.....

Your support means a lot.

I didn't ask WH anything last night - I just was not feeling good.

He seemed a little more attentive. This morning also.

We are going to town today. I plan on asking him if he's had any contact with OW at all this past week. And that he should just tell me if he does.

I think that will save us both a lot of LB'ing at this point.

I really do think he is trying.

K

Don't forget the 15 hours a week of doing fun things together.

K, the basic guidelines of MB are terrific. The bottom line is that we all have to maybe tweak them to fit our own situations. That is why I sometimes like to put a disclaimer on what I write. There were a few times I major LBed H. Sometimes it set him back to wanting to be comforted by OW, which he didn't do. Other times it actually brought him a bit more out of the fog. Only you know what is the best course to take. As I said, I was pretty hardline, and I think my H knew I wouldn't tolerate many screw ups. For some WSs that might not matter at all. I think for my H it did. Do what is best for you. CV

It sounds like things are a bit better today. You're doing great and I'm still thinking and praying for you!

Hi K,

I hope you are doing ok. I'm feeling with you right now and I know how scary it can be.

Give this time and if your husband is really serious it will better but as I said this all neeeds alot of time. (frustrating, isn't it??)
WS can be "terrible" during this phase..........it can be extremely depressing for both sides but it really does get better.

BTW: is he taking his anti-depressive meds??

Don't smudge him with attention and don't forget yourself. Take the best care of yourself because you need to stay healthy and you need all the strength you can get right now.

take care and hugs
bb

Good Morning....

I just wanted to give an update.

WH seems a little better. We went to town yesterday doing lots of errands. We had a little fun together. It seemed like a good day to me.

I did not ask him anything at all. He seemed a little more attentive and a little more affectionate.

Today, he went hunting. He just left. He took his work cell phone with him, but not his personal cell. I don't know if I'm trying to read something into this, or if I should just ask him.

I know it will be a set-back for him if I ask him any questions (have you had any contact with OW).

Then, I get to feeling that I have a right to know. I have only asked him that question one time.

I always try to look good, and have a good attitude. Other than a little affection, he doesn't have much interest in SF. I'm thinking, from what I've read, that this is usually the case.

I also read on one of the posts here that WS go thru withdrawl 2-4 weeks for every month they were in the A. Is that true? If it is, it's gonna take 1.5 to 3 years for WH to be done with this!!!!

Thanks for any and all replies.

K

Hi K,

I think it's different for every WS. Some might find it easier to have SF than others. Mine didn't have much of problem but then again, his affair wasn't that long.
I think it just depends on the WS themself.
How about putting "viagra" into his meals!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
(na, that was just a joke)

I think from what you have written that you are doing the right things. Try not to pressure.
If he is "serious" you will know within time. As sad as this may sound.
If he is still up to something then you can say that you have given your best and he will get what he deserves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I told my husband many times that if he still was cheating, I couldn't change anything. I would only know that he doesn't deserve me and that he is "fooling" himself more than anyone else because it is "him" that will have to "live with that" for the rest of his life.

Only "honesty" will make a relationship flourish and only "honesty" will make each individual feel good about himself and honesty gives a person "freedom" and "pride" that nothing in the world can give.

I also told him that honesty will give him the opputurnity to be loved for who he truely is and not for who he wants to be looked at for. I was willing to know the "true" him with all sides and not only the sides that he wants me to see.

I once asked him if he truely thought that OW would "stand up for him" if she had known the "true him", considering the fact that she didn't want to cope with the little "flaws" that her husband had. She preferred to run..........she didn't want to have to cope with "mistakes" as she only wanted to "shiny" sides of a man.
A man with "mistakes" was a man for her to "dump" because she simply didn't have the "back bone" to stand up and work on a situation.
I asked my husband if this wasn't something that would be alot of "pressure" onto someone.

Somewhat like never being able to "fart out loud" always having to "hold it back!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This must of had a real affect on my husband because he really began thinking after this.

He began to realize that OW knew almost nothing about him other than the shiny side.

Opps, I'm babbling again..........sorry

K, have patience. It really depends and every situation is different. Enjoy the "fun time" you and your husband have.
Stick with Plan A and get him feeling "great" about his decision. Give him reasons to smile............

take care
bb

Hello bb.....

I have access to Viagra and Levitra. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Last night, WH and I went up to the clinic where I work. He asked if we had any Lipitor samples as he is almost out.

He saw the Viagra and Levitra. Made a joke about getting some of it. But then he said "I don't have any problems with that kind of thing". No?

Then, what's the problem here I would like to know.

Anyway, I am trying to not pressure. Sometimes some things make me cry. I don't let WH see that, though. He was singing "Valentine" last night ("you're all I need, my love, my valentine")

I started crying because I feel that some of the songs he is singing are for OW, not me. I left the room to wipe my eyes. He asked what was wrong. I told him I just love that song.

I still would like to say to him "Have you had contact of any kind with OW? If you have, please be honest. And, I would like for you to just tell me if you do, so I don't have to ask."

Do you think that is a good thing to say to him?

K

Good Morning K

If I were you, I wouldn't mention it.

You've stated that in the past I think. He knows he shouldn't and that if he does he should be telling you.

Lay low with it and concentrate just on the two of you.

Assume he is so you're prepared if you find out he is. If he's not, you'll be so happy about it. He's expecting you to ask and could use it as an excuse to get upset.

Don't mention it. It'll surprise him.

Hi FIM....

Since your are the "Posterchild" for MB, I will take your advice.

But what do you think of the voice activated recorder in his car?

The way things are now, I don't know if he's getting sneakier, or if he really is in NC. I would like to find out. Or maybe not.

He carried on his A for 2 years while living at home. Since I wasn't aware, he just called OW with his personal cell. After I found out about the A (by contracting an STD from him), he became sneakier. And so did I.

I've recently thought it would be fun to be a PI. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

Oh yeah! I'd do the recorder!

Melody (I think that's who it was) also gave me a link to a great keystroke logger for the computer if you want it.

FIM

You bet I'd like it!

GIVE IT TO ME!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

Here it is:

www.iopus.com

and it was MelodyLane that gave it to me

Hi K,

if you don't want to "ask" your husband things, how about leaving a little note.
Well, this was what I did many times.

I wouldn't ask directly, I'd just leave him a message showing my appreciation.

For example:

Dear ****,
I am feeling with you and yet I'd love to let you know how much I appreciate your "honesty. It means the world for me. Thank you.
Love
bb

I sorta think that these messages, worked on his concoince...............I was sencing him a message and if he wasn't being "honest" with me, it must of done something.

take care
bb

Thanks bb.....

This is a good idea. I think I will try it.

Anything I can do to stop feeling helpless and in the dark.

Thanks again, K

Hi K,

it's a "terrible raining" Sunday Morning over here so I thought I'd pop in here to see how you're doing. Hope things are getting abit more relaxed for the both of you.

Give us an update whern you find the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care
bb

Hi bb....

Things today are better.

I haven't mentioned anything about the A or OW to WH.

He went hunting yesterday. When he came home, our grandson had a BD party. I wonder if WH realizes he would have missed it if he was still with OW.

Last night we went to hear a local band play in a pub where WH's band played in April. He told me not to come there at that time. He said it would be too crowded. I don't think he knows that I know he didn't want me to come there because OW was there (some of our friends said they were introduced to OW by WH at that time as "someone from work").

This was very hard for me. I kept looking around to see if she would show up last night (although I don't know what she looks like).

Right now, WH is out running. I can't go with him because of my ruptured ear drum which is infected. So I thought I would pop in here.

I plan on giving him a note tomorrow about my feeling this with him, and appreciating his honesty in this.

I know that I need lots of patience. I have that. I hope that one day WH will appreciate all of the things I have done to help get our marriage back together. The same way I will appreciate the things he has done to get us back together again.

It's rainy and dark here too. I'm still keeping strong. I will make it. I hope WE make it, too.

K

Good Morning....

Just another update.

I wrote a note and left if for WH. It said "Dear WH, I am feeling this with you. I wanted to thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it. It means the world to me. Love, K"

Hope he sees it. I left it in the car he is taking to work today.

I'm going up to the town where he works, do some shopping, and then meet him at his apartment. We are going to be moving some of his stuff home.

I'm still very suspicious of him. What should I bet that WH and OW are still in contact? I know! WAT's boat!!!!

K

But wait!!! I already rebet WAT's boat....

And Believer's Harley,

And Pep's Humor,

and all my money!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear you're moving forward a bit. It's nice to hear some positive information today:) Good luck with moving his stuff.

Hey FIM....

I guess I just don't know what to bet then....I know, my new voice activated tape recorder.

No, I'm taking it back today. It just doesn't work the way I had hoped. I tried it out in my car yesterday. Too much background noise to hear anything.

We moved the large pieces of furniture yesterday. That went pretty well. The only bad thing that happened was the water pump went out on WH's old van on the way home. Luckily, we were close, so the towing bill was small.

I still don't know what to think. After we got home last night, WH got drunk while he was playing the piano. He started crying.

I asked him what was wrong - that he could talk to me. I was trying not to cry myself, because the songs he was singing (Valentine, One More Day, etc.) I felt he was singing for OW.

I just don't know what else to do. He never really said anything meaningful. Same old "I've just ruined myself" etc.

I told him the only thing he could do was to lay it all out before God. God would help him.

He started singing "Honesty" (by Billy Joel) which is one of my favorites. The verse "When I'm deep inside myself, don't be too concerned" he would look pointedly at me while he was singing.

Is he really in withdrawl? I can't tell. We don't talk about anything to do with our M, or R.

So, I guess what I'm saying here is, what do I do now?

Do I keep up with the usual snooping (looking at his cell phones to see who he called) to see if he slips up and doesn't erase some random number of contact with OW?

Or, do I just wait, and hope that he tells me himself? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

K