WH and I have been apart since end of June. He was in our town, went to parents for a couple of weeks, back to our town for 1 week and then moved ow to her new home 11 hours away. He did not tell me he was going, just left, did not hear from him, so knew he was there. He left a couple messages while he was there, one was him crying saying he missed me and loved me.

I got a call from him this past Monday at 6:45 in the morning(he had been there for 10 days with ow). He said he was leaving, coming back to our state, wanted me to forgive him. I asked about getting help, and he said maybe. I guess he thinks like many ws's and is not sure if all the damage can be repaired.

He did not call until today. He said he went back down to ow home to get his stuff. He said he did not go all the way home on Monday, just away to see a friend to think. He says now, he is leaving tomorrow, he loves me and misses me and does not want to be with her. He says he had nightmares about losing me.

If he really wanted to be with ow, would he say all of this?? He stopped telling me that he missed me and loved me a while back. If I said I love you, he would say, I love you too.

Would this be a cruel joke, I am leaving, but not really?? Do you think he is starting to see the light and really does not want her, even though he is not sure if he wants me either..

With this new development, of thinking of coming home, but not left yet, what should be my next step. I told him that I wanted him to be happy, whatever his choice. I am here for him if he wants to come home to work it out. But he knows we can not be telephone buds while he lives with her..

It is our anniversary(4th) today. He said he did not forget, but I mentioned it first.

It is really hard to say. I would watch his actions and pay no attention to his words. My WH always said he loved me and was coming back, but never took any actions.

So don't get or hopes up, that way if he does take some action, it will be a pleasant surprise.

"With this new development, of thinking of coming home, but not left yet, what should be my next step. "

Your next step should be some very serious self-loving activity. Pamper yourself. Indulge in your hobbies. Go out with friends. Take some classes.

What your H says right now, listen to him with loving understanding.... and make other plans until he says something concrete like , "I will write an NC letter, show it to you, and mail it to OW, and I will make counseling appointments and do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make this marriage work."

When he stops talking about how miserable he feels and makes an offer to actually DO something to work toward reconciliation.... just be nice.

Pep

PS.... I'd take a long weekend vacation. Get out of town for awhile. Don't tell WH. Do this for yourself.

<small>[ October 14, 2004, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>