Greetings Everyone,

My WW is coming to get the kids tomorrow in the evening, plans on staying the night (probably at her dad's), then taking the kids out of state where she lives now, until Sunday (when she'll bring them back to me). I bought a DVD she has been wanting to see, and agreed that she'll watch it with me tomorrow night.

I'm still a novice at Plan A'ing. And here is a summary of whats going on, for those who haven't read my other threads.

My WW had an A almost 4 years ago. I didn't know any better, and followed my instincts, which were to keep her near me, but treat her like filth, because I was trying to make her feel my pain basically. Well, she understood what I was doing and going through, but unbeknownst to me, she had a time limit on forgiveness, and started falling out of love with me. We sperated, for a year and a half, and she had a one night stand, and a R with another man. This crushed me, as we never officially broke it off, or got seperated/divorced, etc. I cried to her, and she agreed to end the R and work on reconciliation.

After a few months, we moved back in together, and had our ups and downs. Then we moved close to her family (mostly full of people who have A's levft and right, and they seem to think its cool and trendy to do so). Well, a year later, she tells me that she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce, and I suspected an A. I then found MB, and have tried to save my marriage, and it annoys her greatly. She made me move out and let me have the kids. We are now 2 1/2 hrs apart, OM moved in.

Then the OM got busted on some probation violations. He is in jail, she is waiting for him (they also tried blaming me for thier legal trouble, go figure).

So, she is adament that she doesn't love me, but continues communication, via phone, email, and messenger programs. She lets me hug her, she holds me for sometimes when I break down in front of her. I know that she is having emotional/mental issues right now, which is another reason to give me strength to deal with this (in sickness and in health, until death do us part).

Sorry for the long explanation of events, but really, only a small amount has been covered. I still love her, despite all of the vile, and evil things. I know that I screwed up, and that helped her get that way. She used to be disgusted with her family's behavior (A's, drinking all of the time, back stabbing, etc.), but she now embraces it, almost as though she is trying to embrace it. This woman is not the woman I married, but she is in there somewhere, I can feel it!

So basically, I am looking for some Plan A advice, well, any advice really, on how I should handle tomorrow night. I want to Plan A my @ss off. I want her to stay the night...I wish I could just have her say it was all a mistake, and have her stay by my side forever...it hurts so bad when I can see her for only a short time (30 mins to an 1 1/2 hrs average a week), and then she leaves...and I don't know if the OM is still in jail, or waiting for her to come back...if it weren't for my kids, I would want to die.

So if anyone has any tips for me, please share, I would appreciate it immensly, thank you kindly.

Dimmu

I am so very very very sorry for what you are going through. The pain and confusion and undying need to please the ws is still so fresh in my memory. I really do feel for you!!! I really do not have any real advise for you. I guess I just have a question, after this long of a seperation do you think maybe it is time to plan b her? She has you when ever she wants you, you go out of your way to find things that she likes just so she will stick around a little while. She gets to spend as much time with you as she needs/wants and then back to her fairy tale teenage life. No kids, no responsiblity, and a man that is so irresponsible she probably feels like she did in High school. Careing for things on her terms. My H did something very similar, and the only thing that woke him up was plan b. Granted my M is nothing to write home about, but it did get the OW out of the picture, and him semi trying to recover the M. Not a great pep-talk, just a thought.

Thank you, KMEJ.

The current seperation has only been about 3 weeks now (WW making me move out so OM could move in, while telling me the whole time that wasn't planned or anything). I am still learning about Plan A'ing, so I haven't had a chance to do it long enough. I don't know if I can go 6 months, but I am going to try as long as my feelings for her are there.

One of my biggest problems is talking about the OM, our M, that I love her, etc...she is getting mad and feels pressured, so I have to restrain myself from such conversations, because they love bust. I hope I do all of the right things when I see her tomorrow...I feel quite nervous about it.

It does seem like she is living like a teenager with a job now. I think that she is going through some kind of crisis, but she won't open up to me.

Why are you letting her kick you and the kids out of your home? If she wants to continue having an affair it should be she who gets to be kicked out of the house, not you and the kids.

I was the stay at home dad, and she said if I didn't move out, she would. Its a complicated situation. In hindsight, I should have fought to stay. OM was living in our house, staying in my brother-in-law's room (they were friends-yeah right). So, it is all messed up, which is another reason I am having trouble Plan A'ing...

bump

sorry for the bumps, but she is going to be here in the evening...I am desperately seeking advice....

As the hour grows closer, I am getting more nervous. I must try not to talk about anything that could turn into a LB (like the OM, our M, the A), but I have so many questions that deep down, I know she'll refuse to answer. She gives me details, bit by bit, little by little. She is either afraid of my reaction, or feels bad when I'm hurt, or both...I cannot tell with her these days.

I would like her to stay with me tonight, but she'll probably decline to do that. So I will hopefully be able to at least chat with her about her day, and maybe get to watch that movie. She likes coffee, so I'll try to have the pot brewing right before she arrives. She loves flowers, so I'll give her one. And I'll try not to breakdown and cry. I rarely cry about anything, but I cry like a baby about my WW and my M. I'll try to be all smiles when I see her tonight.

Well, she called a few minutes ago. She said that she is very sick (sinus/chest problems, fever), and will not be up until tomorrow. We were talking for a couple of minutes, then she got another call. She always gets them when we are on the phone, and it always goes like this: "Can you hold on a minute...(groan)...I'll call you back..." then sometimes she does, and sometimes she doesn't. I always fear that its the OM calling from jail (if she is telling me the truth about that).

I think that she has the "electric fence personality", as described by Dr. Harley. She also seems to be trying to be a teenager again. She calls the shots, has all of the fun, while I'm stuck 2 1/2 hours away from her, in agony and despair.

So she is coming tomorrow morning. We were supposed to watch a movie together tonight, so thats out. I asked if she would stay saturday night, and she said "I don't know" (one of her most often used answers these days). She says that by staying up here, instead of taking the kids to the state she is in, she'll be visiting people up here and not the kids. This is after my daughter informed me that the last time they were with my WW, she mostly was with OM, her sister, her OM, and some other degenerates. She kissed OM in front of my daughter, who informed me about it and told me it made her feel sick (she is 6 years old).

So I know there is all this fog (unless she really doesn't love me anymore, deep down), my WW is acting like someone else, and she has a "defiant" tone on the phone (like a "too bad this is happening" tone), but sounds like her "normal" self in person. Its also easier to communicate via email, as those are my words, not my voice, and she can stare at those words and reflect more.

I get small glimmers of hope, sort of like subtle mixed signals from her. I just can't figure her out anymore. So I hope tomorrow goes well, and that I Plan A very good, and don't screw up and LB at all. I have for her, a flower in a glass of water that I have had for a week, and its still alive, so maybe thats a good sign...