For those familiar with my situation, here's an update. For those not, my full story is linked in my sig. But the basics are, WW moved in with OM, became pregnant. Tells me all the time she wants to come home, but does not make a move to do it. I'm continuing with working on bringing her home.

Where I last left off, I had written a letter detailing what really has been going on between my W and I, which is a completely different story than what OM knows. I had planned to mail it to OMs mother, and then a copy to OM himself.
Then afterwards, sending an email to W explaining why I had done so. All SH approved.

So, to be sure, I sent both certified mail.
Both were rejected. Around this same time, I hired a P.I. to get the digs on OM and to find OMs wife, who he is still married to. (He left her a couple years ago.) So that I could let her know what has been going on. So I had the P.I. deliver the letters in person. He first gave it to OMs mother. OMs mother was very defensive towards him. Right off the bat she said "I don't know where he's (OM) at" Which is a complete lie that I know for sure. He was also able to get OMs W's first name, which we did not know. So that helped out.
When the P.I. was leaving, the mother was reading the letter.

With the OMs W's name, we were able to find her.
I placed the call to her. She was very hesitant to even admit who she was, as she had no idea what was going on. I explained a little bit of who I was and she did then confirm who she was.
She could not believe the situation as it is.
She couldn't believe he was 'happy' with my W being pregnant, as she said he never even wanted kids. (They have 3 together.) She had no clue as to where and what he has been doing. All she knows is that two years ago, he left after meeting this other woman on the Internet. He hasn't even told her where he is and would only communicate with her by email. So I definitely gave her his address, where he works, etc.
She told me he has of late been pushing her to get a divorce, so now she knows why. Really the
only thing she was told was that he was living with his employer. Another lie.

Where things get ugly is, I asked her about his current kids. She says that he abused them. Beat on them. Including some rather sadistic behavior, like poking them til they cried.. just sick ****.

She is trying to keep them away from him. Apparently, she was fine with visitation, but she wanted him to get a mental evaluation, because in her words, "He needs help." and he scoffed at that, so no dice there.
She told me he had a pretty mean temper.
I told her about the letter I had written, she said his mother (father either dead or uninvolved) wouldn't be of much help there, as she doesn't really have any morals. But that's
something I figured. She wanted a copy of the letter to read, so I have mailed one to her.
She seemed really scared at first to talk, but
once I reassured her that I was on her side, she was much more relaxed then. She said she never called the police about the abuse. But the neighbors had called before about his temper.
We'll find out all about that soon enough...

That was last night. Today, P.I. went to deliver the letter to OM himself, at his place of work.
P.I. recorded the whole thing. Which was a good thing in hindsight. Apparently, his mother had already talked to OM about the letter, as he remarked when it was being delivered "I already know what's in there." OMs W was not lying about his temper, as it got pretty heated. OM wanted to know who P.I. was, as he wanted to "include him in his lawsuit." that was a good one..
So, P.I. gave him his card. OM then started on that he was trespassing... etc..

So we now know that OM is pretty damned scared.
We will keep digging, as P.I. put it, "as old as this guy is with that temper, it has to have got him in trouble with the law at least a few times." P.I. is a retired officer, and he's working this pretty well. He knows the whole story with what's going on, so he's trying his best.

I have a feeling OM and his mother have not and probably will not inform my W about this letter.
I will make mention of it in my email to her. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to write in the email to her, I'm working on that now. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
I'm pretty scared for W right now though.
You never know what people like this will do. I'd be lying if I said that my heart hasn't been pounding hard for two days straight. The information I have learned... Its stuff I do need to know, but wish I didn't know. If you can understand what I mean... A lot of this is still kind of swirling around in my head, and it's hard to see the larger picture of this right now, but if something I've written doesn't fit, please ask me for clarification.

I have a feeling this is going to get ugly.
But I'm strong, good looking, and damnit! People like me! (place that skit and win a prize!)

TTSI:

My man, what a situation you have going on for yourself there!

First, Its completely understandable that your emotions would be "swirling" at the moment.
Due YOURSELF a Favor & Give yourself time to Digest all that's going on.

Next, I will say "thank you" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> [for the OMW] that you gave her this information.
I'm sure she appreciates finding out where he's at and what he's been up too [even if too just stay clear of him].

Sorry that he's such a sick b*astard..... that Informing his BW is not really going to put any pressure on the A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
[Sounds like she's probably happy he's moved on to another victim].

Here's hoping that your PI's hypothesis is correct and he can "dig" some of this guys temper tantrums out of the woodwork.
We'll cross our fingers that some type of evidence will get through to your W.

(In addition, Perhaps you could persuade the OMW to write a letter or email to your W, giving her view point about the "real" person this OM IS ).
Especially about the Kids.
This could very well "get through" to a New Mother....the whole thing about a mother's protection concerning her cubs scenario.

OM may very well have done actions to or around your WW that she "explains" away.
However, if she is shown that these "actions" ARE NOT isolated (but life long patterns) perhaps that could get her THINKING about her situation differently. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yes, it might not help......but then again IT Might.
Sounds like your willing to try just about anything, so think about it.

The only Scary part about this whole thing (to me) is that because of the baby this Crumb is going to be "in your lives" Forever........even ONCE you Do get your WW back.
I'm cringing FOR You on that one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> YIKES!
[But I know....One Battle at a Time].

Is there any chance at all the child could be yours??

Sounds like your doing all you can........and I for one, commend you for it.
Wishing you success in your continued efforts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 02:17 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

No, no chance that it is mine.
If W chooses to come home, I don't think
OM will be a thorn, the pregnancy is
his way of keeping her there, once she's gone
he'll disappear methinks. If not, oh well.
He's going to have to spend a lot of money
on an expensive and lengthy court battle
just so that he can win the right to pay child
support. I'm not worried about any of that.
Really, right now what I'm concerned about is
my W's safety and that of her child.

But I'm strong, good looking, and damnit! People like me! (place that skit and win a prize!)

Is it Al Franken, as Stuart Smalley, SNL, early to mid-'90's?

If yes, advise on prize!

Thanks,
Jenny

Heh, yep. You got it. Now about your prize...
I'm still working on that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

For those of you who have gone through exposure before, (or even those that may have some thoughts about this)
What did you say/write to your WW to explain why you exposed everything?
On the same token, for FWW, if your H exposed the affair, what did they say to explain it?
Or, what would you have liked to have heard from
them as an explanation?

Right now, my explanation revolves around that I did it because I am fighting for her, and fighting for our marriage.

Any advice on what to do next?
Or just sit back and see what happens?

I'm not giving advice here, because I am never sure that I am doing the right thing. But I told my H that I had talked to OWH and told him what I knew, that I had evidence of adultery (lots of it), that I had retained an attorney, but that I didn't want a divorce, but that I felt I had to protect myself and my son, since he was not behaving in an honorable manner. I told him that I had no desire to hurt him, but that I would do whatever was necessary to save my marriage. And I will.

Starz,
What kind of a reaction did that bring from your H?
I don't think I take anyone's advice verbatim, unless I agree completely with it. I look at advice as possible options. So many times I feel like a deer in headlights, that I don't know which way to go and just lock up.

<small>[ October 17, 2004, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: TTSi ]</small>

I had emailed W to give her the explanation for sending those letters.
I sent it to her work email, where we had
communicated in the past, but she no longer works there. I had also CC'd it to her home email
account, but OM may be able to intercept it. I guess I'll have to send it regular mail as well just to be sure.

Sorry I am so late replying -

Actually, my H sat there stone faced throughout the whole thing and when I finished, said "I refuse to acknowledge anything you have said." Then he continued with "I disagree with almost everything you have said, but I will not discuss it with you now, and it would be very hurtful." Great. As though I'm not hurt already?

He is continuing on with the A and pretending that nothing has changed. I guess he believes that if he denies it, it didn't exist. I am not stupid. I will plan A as long as I can stand it.

TTSi: How is it Going? Status Quo? Any contact?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> TTSi: How is it Going? Status Quo? Any contact? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, haven't heard a thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
At this point, there's not much else for me to do I think. W is due 31st of this month.