So WS is home...things are OK...we are getting along well and I know that contact with OW has stopped as of early September.

But I feel like we are brother and sister...I am havign trouble having sex with him and do not feel like I even want to be in the same room with him...

How do you know if you really just do not want to be in this anymore or if it is still just hurt and anger playing out?

How do I stop putting this wall up...keeping in mind that he is NOT doing a lot to make me happy...we are getting along, but I guess I feel like I shoudl be getting treated extrememly well right now and he doesnt do anything above or beyond what he has to....

Do all BS'ers go thru this?!?!?!?

Thanks so much!

Hi there, I'm fairly new to MB, so I'm sure you will get better responses from the experienced users here, but for what it's worth, here goes.... when I first found out about my H's A, I wanted to have sex with him, I think partly to prove that I was better than the OW, or that he still wanted me. Now just over 3 months later I sometimes lay in bed at night and pray that he won't touch me. He's not as good looking as he was prior to the affair, I guess I'm not as attracted to him as I was before the A. I keep thinking, "this is not the man that I fell in love with" and he really isn't, or he just wasn't the person that I thought he was in the first place. I constantly see them together in my mind, and I hope that one day that picture will at least fade, I actually caught them together. I have recurring nightmares that he is still seeing her, but only time will tell if that is true.

You are completely normal. You might check out the articles on the home page about restoring the marriage, overcoming resentment and reconciliation.

Of course you think your WH should be doing something extra for you. He probably thinks it's enough that he is home with no contact.

Things should get better. Are you spending 15 hours a week doing fun things together?

believer thank you---that is exactly how he comes across..like I am here isnt that enough? And that is VERY frustrating when I feel like...I am allowing you here don't I get something for that....I will take a look at the home page...thank you....and as far as 15 hours a week....no...just a few hours together is all we can seem to drum up lately...and it usually consists of TV....not fun. But when I say lets do soemthing he makes me feel like its a chore to him..so then I do not want to go....is that normal for a WS? TO actr like spending time iwth me is the end of the eart...or maybe he just doesnt like me that much anymore?

This just seems like such a critical time for the success of this marriage...and I do not know what is real or not...it is scary!

sorry for the bad spelling.....daughter is pulling at me!

After my WW's first A, I felt disgust, betrayal, and sometimes hatred for her, but I was deeply in love at the same time. This inner conflict...this paradox...tore me apart. It slowly drove my W away, so now she is having a second A. I keep reading the aricles and posts here on MB, to try and find a way to save my messed up marriage, and to get my W to fall in love with me again, and most of all, to shed any negative feelings I have about the situation (one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with).

I too, have nightmares about my WW and the OM. Were all in the same room, and they don't care what they are doing to me. They act like its no big deal, people have A's all of the time (some of her speech in real life sometimes refelcts this). Or, I'll dream that I can see her, and she won't acknowledge me at all. Or I dream that we are together, but that I can sense that she isn't being faithful...I always wake up feeling sick. I have been losing sleep because of it. I wish I had an answer for dealing with that, but all I can say is...time. The things I have read here on MB give me a different perspective on this A, than the one I had during the first A, so there is hope.