I'm feeling down today. My husband is still not meeting my needs. I told him again yesterday that I need him to spend more time at home. He said okay, but what that really means is he was trying to please me at that time but he will go back to his old ways again- he always does.

I get so angry that I feel justified in what I've done and then I consider doing it again? What is wrong with me?

cmesmile,

i have been reading but have not joined in yet on this thread. i am a FWW, dday about 7months ago, i confessed.

I hear your frustration, not only towards your husband but towards yourself for wanting to continue the exact behavior that will only lead to more destruction.

my advice to you is to leave the H part of the frustration out of it right now, just go ahead and assume he will not meet your needs right now. Now, with that assumption safely in place, do you really want to cheat on him?? If your answer is No, and I am guessing that is your answer then what you can work on right now is yourself. You have needs, needs that are not being met and so you want to do something about it. What that "something" is though cannot be what you have been doing!! you need to find something else. by the way, there is nothing wrong with YOU.

are you in IC? took me a while to start and to find a person i like, but it is very helpful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cmesmile:
<strong> I'm feeling down today. My husband is still not meeting my needs. I told him again yesterday that I need him to spend more time at home. He said okay, but what that really means is he was trying to please me at that time but he will go back to his old ways again- he always does.

I get so angry that I feel justified in what I've done and then I consider doing it again? What is wrong with me? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((cmesmile)))

There isn't anything wrong with YOU- you just need to learn a different way to handle your frustrations. Have you thought about trying a reverse plan A ?

Have a good week everyone. I'm going to be gone the next few days.

I feel better overall today but still have a feeling of dread hanging over me. I seem to be so good for a week to 10 days and then 'wham' I am so deep down in what seems almost paranoid depression.

Is this usual for a FWW or am I having a breakdown???

I find it hard to cope with the smallest things. Tonight I just sat and stared at the wall trying to work out how to get it together to prepare dinner.
It's like someone has placed a hood over my head,
I managed to do dinner but can't understand why its like this, then suddenly it begins to lift and I feel ok again.

This sucks. Am I crazy????

AW, are you on any meds? i fought them for very long time but i am on them now, it really does help. what you said, i can totally relate to. the worst part of depression is how it comes and goes, when it's gone, you feel like there is NO WAY i will ever let myself go there again but then it comes back and you have NO power to stop it. right?

meds have helped that, i'm not sure i'm on right dosage yet, but i do believe the meds are helpful.

what do you think?

Hi Girls,
I haven't posted because I don't have much encouragement to offer, just questions...

One big question, how did you end your A? I am having a terrible time with guilt, OM says I'm his life..It's not fair of him to pin his whole existence on me, but he has. The pressure is terrible...

WU

just read your other thread again.

IMHO - and please don't be too hurt by this - I believe you're enjoying the attention and neediness of the OM too much and don't want to let it go. You've enjoyed the drama and the romance of someone giving his whole life to you despite the fact that you are already taken.

Quit hurting everyone around you. Quit stringing him along. It's so unkind and thoughtless for you to continue to put yourself first with all these people.

You're a better person than this. Be and act and embrace the better person inside you and make her your outside, too.

You hold the key to three people's happiness (H,OM and yourself) and you are witholding their release from constant pain. That's just not right.

Use the key and get on with healing your marriage and yourself.

Hi there-
I'm struggling with depression as well.
I have a dr's appt next week.

I agree with what the last person just posted. For me, it's not about the sex- it's about the attention and the drama.

hi everyone,

i'm feeling strong enough to give some good support today so here i am.

cmesmile, i am very glad to hear you have a dr apt. depression is so hard to deal with because it brings, at least for me, so much shame too. so many say it shouldn't but it did for me. i think i have managed to get over that concept finally. the meds have been very helpful in keeping my emotions managable. keep posting. are you able to get into IC at all? you are in a very hard spot right now, holding on to this secret. i was in your shoes for a long time too and since my confession was not complete, i still kinda am. this board has been very helpful, KEEP POSTING!!!

AW, how are you doing? i think your decision to apologize via MIL is a very good one and talking to aussie about it all was excellent. are you feeling more sane today?

WU, i've posted a bit on your other thread, Former Wayward H's and Other Men, Please respond... . I know this is hard but you just have to step out in faith and LET GO!! be honest with OM, be honest with your H. as JL likes to say, it's simple, but NOT easy.

did i miss anyone?? who else needs encouragement? tell me quick before i fall apart again and can't be of any help to anyone, especially myself!!

Hi ladies...

Rae here and not much going on. I haven't posted in a couple of days...not much to report.

I've made an appt. with my pastor for some counseling. Tried to find a Christian counselor that takes my insurance, but was unsuccessful...none of them taking new patients, plus my insurance is crappy.

I miss my husband so much that my heart aches. I know that my actions didn't show it when I had A, but I know that I love this man and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him, growing, learning and loving. He is the only man I've ever truly loved.

Continuing to work on myself--changing mindset, way of thinking, everything.

I can't be much of a comfort to anyone right now, but do know that my heart goes out to all you FWW's who are working on your marriages. This is never a group I wanted to be a part of...never a group I thought I'd be a part of...

I love him so much. G'night everyone.

Rae

Hi Rae,

I hope you had a restful night. I know these are really hard times. hang in there and lean on God.

Hello all...thinking of you tonight (this morning).

WU: in just a few more days NC will occur regardless of your actions. How do you feel about that?

Rae- how are you doing? I know that after some advice here you were going to pull back. Is that going ok?

Jetgirl....are things ok? Still in NC?

Hi FL & everyone

I'm doing ok right now and am taking St Johns Wort instead of AD's themselves. Don't know if its helping or not but my IC said it would take about 10 days to start being of benefit.

If not then she would prescribe some AD's but I'd like not to go that way if possible. But I'm not going to be silly about it, if I need them I'll take them.

Myself and many other wives and parents are on tenterhooks right now as the regiment is on high alert and they have a roster of 48 hour leave all ready to start, that means deployment & being who they are it will be an active one.
I have to admit I feel as if everything is closing in on me a bit and my biggest hope is the Government will decide not to go ahead with the deployment.
Well I live in hope.

You know its a strange feeling to live on one hand like everything is normal all around you, go shopping, have coffee with friends etc, even fighting for our M is a sort of normal activity if you understand what I mean and then at the same time I live in a growing fear of wartime loss. Its a reality we have to face and its no easier the second time around. Especially in Australia where its just not on most peoples mind.

People look at you like you are crazy when you freeze on hearing a bomb going off there while you H, son or brother is overseas. No one can understand that, you have to have gone through it to really understand. My Gran, old as she is, does and has always been so helpful.

It makes my betrayal so much harder to bear knowing there may not be a tomorrow anymore. I suck as the wimpy wife staying at home knitting socks and if you think that does not set off another whole set of anxieties then you have never been there thank God.

So I'm not depressed, but can't help worrying over our future, hoping we have at least the chance of one.

Sorry for venting but it feels better to say that here then to let it eat away at me.

vent away AW, we are listening. i agree better to do this here than to let it eat away at your insides!!

Hi SadFww,

Yes, I've pulled back. It's been a week since I've not spoken to my H. One more week and we are going to sit down and talk or something...I don't know exacty how we're gonna do that. I have no idea what is going on with him. I hope that he is doing better. I'm miserably lonesome for him...I miss him so much.

I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep from bursting into tears. I have no choices here, though. I just have to trust that God's will will be done. It's not easy. I like to be in control...I like to be able to know what's going on with my H...seeing if he's doing okay. etc. I like to see results right away and work to see results. But I've learned the hard way that that is not the way it's going to work here. It's hard to give it completely over to God...but His way is the best way...not mine.

In the meantime, I've been doing some things for him...laundry and stuff. Today I went to the store and got him stuff for his lunch. I also made dinners for him to last the whole week.

I have an appt. with my pastor Tuesday. I look forward to talking to him.

Again, I can't be much of an encouragement right now. The only thing I can say is that my heart goes out to everyone at MB and that I pray for the struggling marriages, including mine. How I love my H. How I pray for another chance to start over...to build, brick by brick, a firm relationship foundation.

Good night.

Rae

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rae03:
<strong> Hi SadFww,

Yes, I've pulled back. It's been a week since I've not spoken to my H. One more week and we are going to sit down and talk or something...I don't know exacty how we're gonna do that. I have no idea what is going on with him. I hope that he is doing better. I'm miserably lonesome for him...I miss him so much.

I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep from bursting into tears. I have no choices here, though. I just have to trust that God's will will be done. It's not easy. I like to be in control...I like to be able to know what's going on with my H...seeing if he's doing okay. etc. I like to see results right away and work to see results. But I've learned the hard way that that is not the way it's going to work here. It's hard to give it completely over to God...but His way is the best way...not mine.

In the meantime, I've been doing some things for him...laundry and stuff. Today I went to the store and got him stuff for his lunch. I also made dinners for him to last the whole week.

I have an appt. with my pastor Tuesday. I look forward to talking to him.

Again, I can't be much of an encouragement right now. The only thing I can say is that my heart goes out to everyone at MB and that I pray for the struggling marriages, including mine. How I love my H. How I pray for another chance to start over...to build, brick by brick, a firm relationship foundation.

Good night.

Rae </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rae- you sound so desperately unhappy. I wish I had something to offer in addition to my prayers. I'm glad that you are meeting with your pastor tomorrow- hopefully he/she will be able to give you some comfort as well as advice.

Thinking of you.

Sadfww-

Prayers are good...that's about all anyone can offer me right now. Just playing the waiting game. I am unhappy b/c I miss him. I'm unhappy b/c I'm looking at the upcoming holiday season and want to spend it with him...decorating the tree, shopping, etc. Just plain unhappy.

Rae

Sadfww-

Prayers are good...that's about all anyone can offer me right now. Just playing the waiting game. I am unhappy b/c I miss him. I'm unhappy b/c I'm looking at the upcoming holiday season and want to spend it with him...decorating the tree, shopping, etc. Just plain unhappy.

Rae

Hi all...

Went to see my pastor yesterday. Was helpful.

H had sister call me yesterday about getting a used Exploror for him...wanted to know if we can afford it. Whereas before I'd always been adament against having 2 car payments, I no longer care about the money like I used to. I just care about him. If this'll make him a little bit happier right now, than I'm thankful to be able to have the financial means to do this for him. I see these good things out of this...
1. I'm thankful that he didn't just go out and buy a car without seeing first if we can afford it. That showed a great deal of courtesy.
2. Whereas before I'd always kind of blew him off when he brought up getting him a car, I didn't this time. I didn't give a go-ahead on getting the car b/c I feel like I must give him whatever he wants b/c of my A...like I have to do it or else...I WANT to give him what's possible to give him. That's an attitude adjustment with me right there. This was an eye-opener...it showed me that I'm changing...that I'm peeling away the unwanted, undesirable, unattractive layers of my personality. Now he may see this...but even if he doesn't, I know that there are changes within. This lifts my spirits a bit.
3. He's still willing to share the same bank acct....he could've requested to have separate accts. and just each pay 1/2 of the bills. But he didn't and I think that's good.
4. I'm discovering what love is...really is.
5. I'm able to DO something that contributes to something that'll make him happy right now. Lately, b/c of us not having anything to do with one another, though I've been working on myself, it's still a bummer that I can't deposit into his love bank. Maybe this is somewhat of a deposit.

We are supposed to meet on Sunday...we'll see how it goes.

rae