Hey All,
Went solo to counselor last night, last saw him with WW about 21/2 weeks ago. Brought up how WW has reestablish contact with OM and that she is in the process of moving out. Counselor pretty much told me to start plan 'Bing it as best as possible. BAsically said you have to start detaching yourself and not to look too much into the future. Stated i need to make my kids and myself priority now. Stated that if WW decides to talk to you about something outside kids. To tell her that it is not my concern now with what's happen in your life. I am not your top priority right now. Just need to talk with Kids.
Went home last night. Expected WW to ask about it. She only asked how it went i said fine and that was it. She didn't talk with me the rest of night. Came out to see how dog was doing,turned around and headed for bed. No good nights, no goodbyes this morning. I know i shouldn't expect it, but it still hurts after knowing someone for 20 years of your life to now act like u are a complete stranger to her.
How do u get through it. I am on wellbutin, but i think i might ask Doc. to go onto something stronger. WW still packing and moving, little by little. She waiting for separation packet to be filled and then we sign and then she out.
jets

{{{Jets}}} I am so sorry, what a pile of cr*p this is. I haven't been around to catch up with you...I didn't expect this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Maybe it's time for you to concentrate on doing some major Plan B research, there are some great threads around from the past. If I have any time today I'll try to pull some up for you ok? I wish there was more I could do. I'm totally bummed for you, but it's not over yet...take care of you and the kids right now, Plan B her, but Plan A YOURSELF. KB

Jets,

I was on Wellbutrin before D-day (thank God!) but went to my dr last week and he added Zoloft. I think it's finally kicking in and things have been much better for me yesterday and today. Dr. said Wellbutrin and Zoloft are a good combo. The only problem I've had is that the Zoloft was waking me up during the night and keeping me up, so dr. added sleeping pills. Said the insomnia should stop in about a week and I won't need the sleeping pills anymore.

I'm so sorry jets.

How do you get through it? Anyway you can. Maybe adding Zoloft as Sufferingw suggested will help. Try to get some vigorous excercise too. If you have a treadmill or punching bag hung up some where that will do wonders for you, especially the punching bag.

And come here when the days and nights are really bad.

weaver

Thanks for the hugs KB,
One thing that did happen the other day that made me chuckle.
WW was to meet OM at apt. the other night to help her move boxes, that she moved intially by herself,to her apt. WW left at 615 came home around 915 and i asked her how it went.
She said that she ended up moving mostly all the boxes by herself. I stated thought OM was suppose to help you, she said slightly perturbed, that he didn't show up until 830 and was only there for about 20mins. Stated he had to do something with his kids.
Could this be a little touch of reality chipping away at their fantasyworld?
I was surprise she revealed this, it was probably a slip up.
jets

Wow, what a question> "How did you get thorough it?" I don't really know how I got through it. I read this site a lot and posted a lot. Went through rage, hurt, pain, loss, then I had to decide if I loved my wife enough to even want her back. Then when I did decide that I did love her that much, even after the betrayal I hit the Plan A trail. Did that for about 2 months and it seemed to really work. When FWW really knew that I was going to go on with the kids and have a great life without her, I think it hit her that she had just dealt herself out of a potentially great life, not to mention the great life we had before. She knew that her sin and betrayl and lies had destroyed something very special and it started something totally new. She began to come out of the fog, but she was filled with shame and couldn't accept love, forgiveness. She felt she wasn't worth it, and some days I felt that way too.
Maybe this was wrong, but I told her in no uncertain terms that if I left that I would take the kids with me and she would play no part in their lives. I told her that a Mother that would do that to her kids and husband should have no influence on children. Like I said, maybe that was wrong, but she knew I was serious, and I was.
She was still in the fog and making no decisions, but living day to day. The A cost me my job when the word got out. We were just floating with no direction. So I began to make major decisions on our future myself, she just didn't care either way. So we moved 600 miles away and are starting over. This is what caused her to really come out of the foginess. She came to the conclusion just recently that she really did want something new and she has come light years from where she was. In many ways she is like her old self from when we were first married. Still some ways to go, but thank God it's moving forward.

My biggest problem is still about triggering over things. She has really gotten involved with that too. When I used to trigger over something she would get mad, now she comes to me and shows affection and loves on me and reassures me that everything's ok. It's soooo much better!

So, How did I get through it > I really don't know. I prayed a lot, cried a lot and worked very hard.

Much Love

Out!

Every day I woke up I told myself "No matter what happens, I WILL MAKE IT, I WILL MAKE IT". It felt strange and insincere the first few two weeks but by the third week and on, I really started to beleive that statement. Even though my first marriage did not survive, my daughters and I did and we rebuilt our lives without my XWW. The old 'fake it till you make it' sure ran true for me and saved my sanity.

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 08:27 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

My H broke my arm when I was threatening to call the woman with whom in fact he was having an affair -- 12 days after major surgery which included a hysterectomy.

At the time, I had a child less than 1 years old, and I kept telling myself that I would feel differently in two years.

Well, to be honest, it took three years to feel differently. How I feel is that Tom is responsible for his decisions and his behavior, and I am responsible for mine.

What you are being told is exactly what my counselor told me -- BACK OFF -- what she said was "cordially ignore him and build your own life."

Your W may wake up, and if you do this, you'll be in better shape to prepare for a life together that is mutually gratifying. If she doens't wake up, like TMCM, you will surivive.

Cherished

Hey All,
Thanks for the responses and encouragement and huggs.
Opened up separate checking account today, will see attorney Mon. to get separation packet.
WW still in my home and still gradually moving stuff to her apt. She is over there now, with OM supposedly helping her move. This is what killing me. I pretty close to just saying why don't u get a uhaul and just move out tomarrow.
Did anyone else WW/WS take there time when they moved out?? Someone at work told me the reason why she is doing this is that deep down she really doesn't want to leave? I don't know about that,but i know this is killing me. Knowing she is over there with OM while i am here with my kids. I told her before she left i am not going to be your babysitter for the kids this afternoon so you can go out and you afternoon date. WW said we're just moving and it will only be a couple of hours. My mind is saying B.s.!
This is like torture to me. WW wants to wait until we can do separation packet and hand it in. So probably be next weekend before she moves out.
I am trying to put into play what the counselor said but it is hard d/t we have to talk about finances and the kids and it hurts like crazy.
jets