I guess this would make sense..... My W's affair started a few months after our miscarriage. We had been trying to have a baby for 3-4 years and this was the first time we were pregnant. My one night stand occured after 2 months of being seperated from my W after finding out about her affair. So yes, I would say that life crisis has something to do with it......<P><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

My wifes affair started after our second move (long distance) in two years and our second daughter deciding to move in with her father for a year.

My W's affair started 2 weeks after a glorious open house in our new dream house. Isn't that something? How common that seems to be? It's like she just couldn't handle something that good. ( we had also had 2 awesome trips together earlier in the year, and an incredible vacation with our kids). We had paid off debt, and were thrilled with how our kids were doing. Is that sabotage or what?

My descent into this muck started after a car accident in which I was injured. I took a while to recover and lost my job, income, etc. <P>Pressures and resentments mounted.<P>Then H changed careers and became a cop!! Very bad timing!!!<P>Fell into a bad routine with single and some people with low moral character. <P>Women, drinking and lying became his goal in life.....marriage and responsibility became things to wiggle out of.<P>So far he's doing a bang-up job at it!! <P>Sheba

We didn't really have a crisis but his started right after I found out I had to have a Hysterectomy and also our daughter decided to move to CA, she is our only child and we are all very close. It was hard on both of us seeing her move away.<P>It's also strange that H's OW has the same name as our daughter.<p>[This message has been edited by LA46 (edited September 20, 1999).]

Guys help me out on this one.What you are saying is that a crisis could lead into an affair. I do not understand how something wonderful in someones life turns into a nightmare. H was offered a great Job transfer<BR>(moving to a new state). We decided it will be great for us. H had to start new position and therefor move before us. It took me about 8 month to follow ( sell house after 10yrs).<BR>The only crisis we had here is that we were<BR>seperated. I won't even call it a crisis , we <BR>had been seperated before 8-10weeks at a time.So, H says he got very depressed and lonely and he missed us so much, missed being with the family blah,blah,blah.This cornfed fat .ss Bimbo took advantage of the situation and one night after being totally blasted ( H was always numb when he was with<BR>her thats why he doesn't remember any of it ) she srewed him. That SLUT knew he was happily married,he made it quite clear how much he loves and misses us. Her reply was ..lets just have fun until your family moves here. <BR>What kind of person would do such a thing?<BR>I hate her gutts!!!She doesn't even hold a stick next to me.I know i'm venting again.<BR>Boy that feels good !!! The only crises we have now is H infidelity. I am so heartbroken.I didn't go out and have an affair. I don't see the connection between crisis and affairs.Maybe men are different.<BR>I have to tell you what my therap. said....<BR>A HARD_ON HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!!!<BR>I am trying to make sense of all this.<BR>Thank you friends for listening.

SuzyQ -<P>Hi there, I'm so sorry that this happened to your family.<P>I think that with this thread - we are trying to delve into possible incidents that altered life in some way that might have contributed to the "why" of the unfaithful spouse's actions. <P>I, personally think that it comes down to stability. I think that in some way the stability of their life was thrown out of whack and a feeling of insecurity was the result. <P>Crisis or life alterations are certainly not the case in all affairs - but I do think that self-esteem, or ego, is!! <P>In your case, your therapist is probably absolutely right. Lonliness and drinking certainly do not mix and will almost always cause some problem. Add a predator - like the one who seduced your H and the mix is overwhelming.<P>I hope that things work out well for you both. People are huaman and make a lot of mistakes. It's what we do and learn after them that helps us grow as better people.<P>In a positive light, you may look at this as being able to find concepts about marriage and communication that will make your marriage even stronger than you ever dreamed of having. I believe that the knowledge gained from using these tools to enhance a relationship could do wonders for all - affairs or no.<P>Hugs and Strength to you and may God help you find understanding and peace as you work through the hurt and pain that this experience has caused.<P>Sheba

Same here! H just turned 25, got a TON of new responsibility at work, didn't appreciate the fact that I was depressed and overworked myself, and therefore wasn't meeting his needs (not that he told me what they were) and succumbed to the pile-driving advances of a needy woman on the Internet, who knew just what buttons to push.

Nellie:<P>Wow, you can see that a lot goes on after a major life change. Hang in there...you are not alone, unfortunately we all must be strong and take care of the hand we are dealt.<BR>Some choose to stray away from loved ones and escape. Some face it head on. I hope everything is going okay.