My WW is going away this week on a trip w/ OM. I snooped and saw she bought lingere(sp) from Victoria's Secret. I'm just sick about that. It's the planning and the fact that she hasn't done that for me in a very long time. I can't think straight. When will this end??

A misconception of Plan A is that you have to keep quiet and take it 'like a man'. Wrong! You must let your WW know [without revealing how] that you know that she and the OM are going to be intimate on this business trip and then leave her alone to ponder your words and to avoid love busting her. There is a good chance that by you revealing the truth, that it could very well dampen a lot of her desire to be with the OM if she knows that you already know what her plans are. If and when she tries to put that Victoria Secret's lingerie on, it could become a trigger as to what she is doing to you.

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Hello,

The advise from Too Much Coffeman is right on the money. It is essential that you tell her that you know of her plans.
It is unfortunate that she seems to be a cakewoman in that she tells you that she wants to stay married to you but secretly plans an intimate trip with the OM while you stay home.

How perfect for her that she keeps you as a safety net while she can play at your expense.
"No consequences to her actions = No motivation to change." You are letting her make all of the decisions. If she is allowed to continue to have sex with her lover withhout you taking action then it will continue. I would suggest contacting an attorney to understand all of your options and make sure she is informed. It will hopefully be a wake-up call that she cannot contine to disrespect and humiliate you by keeping her lover and keeping you as a husband. I wish you luck.

One more thing you should consider doing is to convey to her that every day that she continues contact with the OM is one more day that a part of your love for her dies and that eventually there will be no love left for you to want to save the marriage. This is not a threat but a statement of fact.

I don't know if this is really immature or not, but I found the VS garments and hid them. She had them hidden in her drawer.

I will let her know that I have a feeling that they will be intimate. I let her know last night and told her that it hurts. She says that she will "get her s*%t together soon." I told her that I just feel like working on our marriage without a third person being involved.

I really haven't been meeting her EN yet. I need to work on that. However, I don't think that I can take this too much longer. I get very angry whenever she's nice to me. I almost left last night because I couldn't look at her without feeling a lot of anger. I'm hoping that once this trip is over, the anger will subside a bit. I want to stick with Plan A at least until the holidays.

She did say that her heart dropped when I told her that I wanted to stay at a hotel last night. She was afraid that I was going to leave her. Go figure...