Will you please tell me your point of view on this...
A week ago my DH told me he slept w/ a coworker, just 1 time about 2 weeks ago. I HAVE forgave him for it and he is still torn by it! He says we should seperate.
We have been 2gether for 8 1/2 years, married 4. We have 2 gorgeous kids, and I have 1 from a previous that he is in the process of adopting. He told me the night he told me he cheated that he loves me because I am the mother of his children but he doesn't love me, and his feelings are different for me!
He normally works swimg shift, but this past week he was working days, so I told him he can stay here. For the first few days he slept in the room and me in the kids room. But Wednesday I slept in bed with him, we had sex, he initiated it. Then again last night he initiated sex.
We still haven't talked about the affair. I really don't want to. Every1 says we need to! But like I said I forgave him for it, for being honest and I love him way to much to dwell on it! I am not angry that it happened, I am angry because he hasn't said sorry! Honestly I love him just the same if not more.
I want to work things out but he THINKS he would be happier if he was on his own!
I have not told him I love him or anything not knowing if I should or not, he knows I love him and he is my KING, I can swear 2day b4 he walked out the door for work he said I love you! Not 100 percent positive though!
Right now things are going good, I mean we are getting along great, apparently. But he still wants to be on his own. He still won't talk about it!
What is he thinking? I don't know what to say or what to do! Do I still tell him I love him? Even though he knows it. Do I let him leave and let him realize what a mistake it will be?
My fear is and always has been losing him. Thank You for reading this! Thank you so much for any advice you can give me.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to come to get help. All WS's do and say the same things, so do not take it personally.

Start in Plan A, you can read all about it on the link in my sig line.

It is a very good sign that your husband still wants to have SF with you.

So get going on Plan A, and stick with us. We will help you through this.

Hey kw. Welcome. You came to the right place to help your M.

I think it's safe to say we all believe what your friends are telling you: you need to talk about this. It's more than just "forgiving" him. There's the "why did this happen" and of course the here and now: "where do we go from here?"

This is all typical. Read up on what believer suggested, and certainly fire away any questions, concerns or thoughts you may have!

PS Weekends tend to be slow! Hang in there for more responses!

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

IMK:

My husband also says that he isn't in love with me, and he is living on his own currently....as far as I can tell there isn't an OW nor has there been......I don't know, it's almost worse that there isn't one, at least I'd know what I'm up against, at least I'd know it's not me.....because right now, all I can think is it's me.

I'm not a great one to give advice, I'm too new at this, I'm in too much pain, and I keep messing things up....I try to plan A, and then destroy all my work with angry outbursts.

I too am still having sexual relations with my husband on a pretty regular basis....a few times a week....I have no idea if it's helping or not, but I'm trying to provide whatever emotional needs that he'll let me fill at this time.

Good luck,

-Caren

Hi imk! Sorry you are here, but you are in the right place! All WS's (wayward spouse) say and do the same exact things. You are in the very early stages of all of this and you are in for the roller coaster ride of your life. I owuldn't be surprised if your WS is still in his A. He is acting as if he is. he wants to be on his own, yet he has ended the A and only slept with her once. It may be he wants to be on his own because he wants to be with her!

You need to talk about this with him. He is hiding things from you..why? keep posting and dont stop asking questions here.

First of all I would like to say Thank You to those who have posted w/ advice I appreciate it! And thanks to those who will! God Bless You!

Here is a little update of what happened yesterday!
We talked a little bit yesterday while the baby was napping and the older 2 were outside playing!
He said he was sort of angry at me for forgiving him so quickly, he said it just not right. I told him he doesn't have to accept it! He said he feels he can figure things out on his own, just give him space. I told him I was angry for shutting me out! (This has been the only time I have got angry w/ him). But then I said ok. So he has been staying in a hotel. He has been calling me though. But I haven't answered all his calls. Why should I when he wants his space? So he calls my cell phone wondering where I am. LOL.
After we talked, I thought about the fact that I did forgive him quickly. I can't seee why I shouldn't. I have done things (drugs) in the past and he helped me through it and forgave me, there were also other things.
AM I wrong to forgive him already? I forgave him the next day!
But as I told him I was putting this in the Lords hands and he will give me the guidance I need!
I told him I was here for him if he needed me!

Hi imk,

Just wanted to pop in and point out that your H needs to be tested for STD's, and it is a good idea to use condoms when you have sex with him. Sorry to bring this up, but it is pretty important.

Sorry for your struggles and pain.

God bless,

Rose55

If it makes him feel better, tell him you may have forgiven him, but forgetting what he's done is another whole ball of wax!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW, are you sure this was really a ONS? It seems a little odd to me that a guy would move out after "just" a ONS (no offense intended to those recovering from a ONS.... just seems to be drastic to move out). It makes me wonder if there is more to this story. Moving out to "get his space" is more typical of a WS who is really just clearing the decks so he/she can continue their affair.

~ Snow