LadySing, I just wanted to apologize for upsetting you on BobP's thread. I didn't want to respond there because I don't want to pour salt in the wound. But I do understand that infidelity is a choice and a bad choice at that. But one thing that has helped me to heal is the realization that the situation could have been reversed. According to Steve Harley up to 80% of marriages suffer some sort of infidelity. I don't consider myself in the elite 20% so to say. You, BobP and myself are much less likely to have an A now that we've felt the pain of one. But prior to this I absolutely believe just about anyone can fall victim to this choice.

Keep in mind I watched my W fall into this like quicksand. It happened week by week and I felt powerless to stop it. Having been a compulsive gambler for 10 years I can empathize with addiction. I don't want to argue with you but it may be helpful towards your own healing if you could try to empathize a bit. Believe me I am not justifying habitual offenders nor minimizing the pain inflicted. But at some point we all are capable of making very bad decisions. Again sorry if I upset you.

Walking,
I really appreciate your post. As we all know, we come here with different life experiences and they will affect our lives and outlook on infidelity forever.

I don't come here to judge, only to help and I can see that you are here for the same reason. I was just afraid that Bob might be further hurt by the comment.

Thanks again for your concern, peace to you and yours! Ladysing

Agreed!

Folks, nothing you caring folks could say would hurt me. It is MY choice to be hurt or inspired by earnstly meant advice.

One think I would comment on though ( and shoot me if you disagree) I would not have an 'accidebtal affair'. I found my self in near ENs in th epast, recognised it was going too far and squished it. I told my FWW aboiut each one.Even while my ENs were being ignored by FWW in the past 2 years I had opportunituies to have A's but never did.

I am not being "holier than thou", I just believe my will power and commitment was tronger than the dynamics that lead people into affairs.

If anything I am MORE likely to have an affaor now because I feel an entitlement almost to do this, but if I do it will not be accidental. I will choose every step further JUST LIKE all infidels do. They are lying IMO if they say 'it just happened'. Well I don't accidentally book a motel and take my clothes off three or four times....Cr@p aren't they, affairs ? They poison EVERYTHING they touch.

Yes Bob they do, I could not agree more.

I "happened" to get cancer, I did not choose it.
That is the difference in life experiences. Some are choices others are not. Nonetheless, we must deal with them all.

Continued prayers to you Bob!