It's been 4 months since my husband abruptly ended an Internet affair with a woman who he dated 20+years ago who searched him out on the Internet and various other ways.
Well, it started last year and lasted for 14 months. Her excuse was that she was just writing him to see how his life was and it turn into an EA over the intent.
I didn't know and did not suspect a thing (though I am slowly using hindsight) because this all was taking place at his work. He is in the military
I found out through her husband who called me to let me know what was going on. He had suspected something after she continued to write to him and was being sneaky about it and staying on the computer all hours of the night. He was aware that she had written him but not aware of how far it had gone. He was under the impression that it was just a 'friendship" He said his wife always had carried a flame for my husband, so that lead me to believe that she sought him out just to see if he still had feelings for her and reminded him of how he was 20+ years ago. They had only dated for a few months back then and she broke it off with him because he wasn't treating her right. She had made plans to see my husband during the times he was in various ports, but couldn't get anyone to go with her.
When I ask my husband what they talked about, he just said that they talked about their families and what they were going to be doing on that particular weekend. I do know there were sexually charged e-mail between them, but he would not elaborate on them, just said he didn't remember. He says that what he wrote to her didn't mean anything, because since he was gone for a 6 month deployment at the time, he was emailing me the same stuff. He says that he never intended on this happening. That he loves me and his family and doesn't want to loose us. I also asked him what would have happened had I not found out about it. He insists nothing cause he loves his wife and family and would have never done anything like that. He husband and I think different. He told her that he loved her and missed her, was going to be his wife, things like that. She was livid when she found out that he didn't mean it. That he was a liar and she felt sorry for me that I could be married to him. Cause he couldn't love me because of all the things he said to her.
I took a few days for myself and told him that he had to end all contact with her and that I would stay and work on this even though it goes against every moral thread in my body.
Ever since then, he has taken leave time to be home with me everyday. (lots of it) He is home every day after work, calls me when he leaves work. Writes email during the day to remind me that he loves me and is very loving and seems remorseful for what he has done.
During the EA, we was acting the same way. No real changes in his behavior, that is what is throwing me for a loop. I don't know what to believe anymore
I don't not trust him. Period. That is the problem. He asks me how he can prove to me that he loves me. So it is kind of hard. (he has been gone a total of 6 weeks in the past 4 months) Right now we only have email contact because he is out training for 2 weeks. (gone again, and will be gone again next month)
What can he do to prove it to me? I have no idea. I am still in a lot of emotional pain over this.
I am in a dilemma only because he will be leaving for 6 months and it doesn't give us much chance to really work on things and I am scared that this is just too much to deal with on my own. How will we work on this?
Any suggestions?
We have been together 15 1/2 years and married 14 1/2 years. I think it is hard to give up 15 years. But sometimes I wonder. Is the emotional pain worth it?
