I was just wondering if any of you started bad habits after DD? My DD, before he told me, I had been waiting for weeks for him to tell me the truth and he made it out like a was just paranoid and crazy, then two people came up to me and both told me the exact same thing and I cornered him. But before I let him tell me I bought a pack of ciggarettes, the first pack I had bought for myself in 5 years. I smoked that whole pack that day and smoked a pack every day from then till I found I was pregnant. I never completly quite but by the time I had my child I was down to 1-3 ciggarettes a day. Now I smoke less then a full ciggarette a day. Ussually when I get flashbacks I can't handle it and take a time out to go smoke a few puffs then put it out and save for later.

I wish I could quit but I don't need the difficulties of quitting to cut into my sanity and coping with this all.

I'm sick with feeling broken, and not being able to put my life together. I don't even hardly tell him I love him anymore and when I do it feels like a lie.

It's been 15 months since dd and I still wish to leave. I don't know if that's the right decision, but it's how I feel. I just hate feeling this way and I'm pretty sure it would be easier to heal if I don't have to see his betraying face everyday. So I smoke. Well I'm just going to end up rambling. I just wanted to know if others experienced this and if/how they quite.

It doesn't help that he smokes a pack a day.

Greetings smurfgirl,

After my WW's first A, I didn't know about MB or MB principles. Instinct took over, and I verbally treated my W like dirt. I loved her and hated her at the same time. She didn't show any true remorse, so the way I acted became a bad habit. Constant triggers made it into a habit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Almost four years (a year and a half seperation in between) later, I am almost "over it", and sincerely believed that we were going to finally be happy again, like before the first A. Sure we had our ups and downs, but I thought that this was it, we are good to go. Then she is having another A. Now, since discovering MB, browsing the posts, reading the articles, asking questions, every chance I get, has become what I would like to think of as a good habit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The urge to return to the old habit of being verbally nasty to cover up my own pain, is unfortunately lurking inside me. Its there one minute, gone the next, but MB has given me the inspiration to strengthen my will, and supress those feelings.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's been 15 months since dd and I still wish to leave. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Smurfgirl are you and your H in MC? Are you applying the MB principals? I find it hard to believe that if you were you would be so down and still resenting him. I don't know your story so I don't want to comment anymore. But please get into some IC/MC if you aren't already and try to work through these emotions. Sorry your feeling so down.

Take care of yourself.

C.

hi schmaley,

We were going through MC but due to unforseen circumstances, then my son getting out of school and no baby sitter, we hadn't been back. I can call and make an appt, but I am resenting the fact that it seems like I am the only one trying to work on this marriage, especially when I don't know if I want to be here, and he knows he does. I have encouraged him to call, I know if I have to I will just get mad that again I'm the only one showing action in our relationship.

I unfortunatly never read any of Dr. Harleys books. I have read Torn Asunder though and had been applying from that. I know I should prob buy his book, read it, then shove it in front of my H face. lol I just wish that he would look up books and go online and ask for sound advice from trustworthy people.

As far as IC, I would love to but I have had bad experiences with them in the past and don't have the money to go searching out for one, I have just husky to deal with. I find it very stressful to search for a therapist that will work with me. Our M counselor is a great guy and we are lucky, or blessed to find him after one bad session with another counselor.

I hope I said what I needed to anyway, it's after 2 am! I'm goin to bed, good night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oddly enough as part of plan A I have actually STOPPED several bad habits that my FWW hates so very much ! They were certainly LBs and she has commented more on the removal of these bad habits than on anything else since NC ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

erm, they were classic 'mens' habits.. Erm..say no more <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have curbed some bad habits my WW didn't like, but she has put 2 1/2 hours of travel time between us, so she can't see the changes in me. When I do see her, its only for a short time, while she picks up the kids, and drops them off. Its hard to have hope. I think my WW is deliberatly doing things to avoid anything that she knows will save the marriage. If we can save the marriage, she can't indulge her fantasies...

Hi Smurfgirl....

Bad habits like cigarette smoking? Yes, I started smoking again after WH moved to his own apartment last November.

Just a little at first. Really started up full time - about half a pack or more a day- after I found out about the A. Getting the STD from WH didn't help any, either.

I'm trying to quit (at least slow down) now - I haven't smoked for over 30 years!

Last night, WH saw me smoking and started singing "Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette. Puff, puff, puff until you puff yourself to death"

I was thinking the whole time about a dirty little ditty I made up in my head about WH and OW.

It's okay for him to criticize me, and say whatever he wants. Not the reverse, though.

Since you are pregnant, please try to quit. The baby's the most important thing.

Hang in there.

K

K...I can't believe your H said that to you. You should have started singing..."cheat, cheat, cheat and your little P****r will fall off". LOL
Uggghhhhh....I just can't believe the things that these WS say!!!

Oh, my baby is 9 weeks now. lol As I said though I don't even have a full ciggy a day so... I hope that it doesn't get worse. I wish I could quit for mine and my babies sake, especially since I nurse him. I just can't though, at least once a day I go through a point of much pain and I find that taking a ciggy break really calms me down. I would be a wreck without it, becouse not only will I have to deal with those flashbacks but I would be dealing with withdrawal and well I just wouldn't be a good person to be around at that point. lol

My sister and her fiancee just had a baby. Her third one, his second. She says thats it for her, no more babies!

my 9 week old is my third, we are happy with what we have now, but maybe some time in the future. After all my daughter doesn't have a sister. lol

I LOVE babies !
I must say though that FWW has been getting slightly broody last coupla weeks.
I think its because 2 of her best friends are close to giving birth.

Nontheless I'm glad I had the 'snip' !

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

aww after having only one child?