Im really not sure what I should do or want to do I ll tell you my story <BR> First of all I had the affair I have known the OW for about eight yrs we work together we were close friends but never thought we would end up lovers Not in a million yrs but we did none the less About 5or6 yrs back Her daughter almost died in a bus accident I was there to comfort her and her family <BR> In June of 98 my son died in a shooting accident I would like to think it was a accident but very well may have been suicide who knows for sure the OW was there for me as was a great many people <BR>My wife went on a self Destruct-mode and was out to do herself in but not with Guns or pills or things like that She is a diabetic<BR>she started missing Drs appointments started eating all the wrong foods wouldn t take her pills like she was suppose to Lost interest in her business and most of the things around her me included Did just what she had to do to get by for the moment In July my OW quit her job where I was working and returned to school we started going to lunch maybe once a month We talk about kids family and work and things like that in Nov of 98 after one of our lunches we went for a walk and we talked more about our married lives and how unhappy and lonesome we were We e-mail each other after that and a few calls here and there In Dec we decided that we wanted more in our relationship and thats how our affair started In Jan of 99 she stopped at my house to see how I was feeling as I had the flu Well you guessed it 5 min after she got there in walked the wife Needless to say it was not a pretty site for anybody even tho nothing was going on that day after that the OW E-mail me that she couldn t see me anymore she couldn t handle the guilt Needless to say I was crushed A month later we were a item once again Mostly talking on the puter and a visit here and there My wife turned<BR> to the computer and found and made some friends online This a woman til that point hated the computer She made friends with a fella in VA She said that he was just a good friend he would call her at home give her phone card numbers to call him at work In Early april I Bought her a new car We had a trip planned to go to GA later that month and we decided to take the new car Every time we stopped for gas or to eat she would call this fella One time at breakfast in a truck stop they had phones at the booth and she called and talked to this guy while i was right across from her I never said a word to her about it Since then she has made the triup to VA with my daughters to meet this guy She told me that they just had coffee and talked for a couple hours and while she was there she looked for a place to live and was planning to leave me she couldn t find a place and came home shorty after that she wanted me to move out and give her some space Which I thought was a bad idea but i did it none the less after that she moved out of our house 25 miles away and now says she wants a divorce heres my problem I am still seeing the OW and she has said she does not want to leave her H and hurt him or her kids but is happy to come and see me when she can I would like to go home go back to my wife but my wife wants nothing to do with me I m so lonesome and depressed and so confused I love the OW and I love my wife of 27yrs One I can t have forever and the other don t want me at all She is happy with her new life has a new job and has lost WT and is close to being cure of her diabetes and is really doing great What in the world should I do I need the OW more than ever now and she is there for me when she can be the rest of the time I sit in this house missing everyone and all alone What am i to do Help!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>

Oh boy, you need help! I am very sorry about your son. And your OW's child also. I can sure see how this all evolved. And what a tough place you are all in.<P>You know what you will receive from all of us, is instruction to end it with the OW, and to try and see what you can do to start meeting the emotional needs your wife has.<P>Hard to do, especially when you are all hurting the way you are. But, I would guess the pain from your sons death for both your wife and you was so great, perhaps your affairs (hers and yours) are a way to keep from feeling all that pain. You are saying to me - Oh we felt it - but yes you are, but you aren't getting to the comfort. That is what God brings to you, not the OW or OM.<P>I think what you need to decide is what you want, to work on the marriage or end it. It seems to me that the best thing you can do is to work on it, which can only be given it's best opportunity if you end the relationship in every possible way with your OW.<P>If you want to work on it, I think you will find your best comfort with your wife. The affairs have cheated you both out of so much. So much that each of you can only get from each other. No OW and no OM can ever give to you or your wife what you two can give to one another. <P>I'm sure your relationship with the OW is very bonded, and very deep. It is going to take all the strength you can muster to end it with her. <P>But, to me, it seems the only thing you can do.<P>