Ok against some of your wishes I did not go to plan B – The more and more I thought about it I did not do plan A correctly. I read Bob Pure’s Plan A post and got a new lease on plan A. I ran to my parent’s house for all of 4 days and came back home. It has been 3 weeks now – I set some boundaries and plan A has been going well – I am not perfect but I can honestly say I have been working hard.

Maybe it hasn’t sunk in but I have proof now of the A – I thought I did before but my WH twisted his excuses that I was unsure. How can we the BS look at our spouses who you confide in and love and you think they feel the same and they are lying to you –how do you switch your thought process and realize to not believe them?

This time I have her voicemail taped – my wh says he has no control over who leaves him voicemails and what she said does not construe an affair –which may be the case but for a lawyer –but NOW I KNOW and it feels really good not to be in the dark. He is really pissed that I have invaded his privacy blah blah –I’m really scared (sarcasm).

Ok now what? I might have made a big mistake and contacted the OW and asked her what was going on – did she want to break up my family – and she lied to me said that she wanted my WH to move furniture for her (at 1am) and the reason she called my wh this morning all pissed saying call me back you really know how to mess up a good thing.

I guess the bottom line is I am definitely in a better place than I was 3 weeks ago –upping my AD works and I know deep down in my heart my wh is messing up a good thing a life wonderful beautiful wife and two children beautiful children.

Any advice on how to handle myself when I get home from work? I am inclined to act like nothing happened this morning. I will be home briefly I started taking a watercoloring class. Whoami is actually finding out who she is. Anyway he is pissed I know he has no right to be but is in a fog. What do I say when he tells me I'm crazy to think he and OW are having and A -- he has a way of making me second guess myself?

Bump....Any body?

Whoami,

First of all you have to expect the lies. WS will lie about everything, especially the affair. Second you must learn to think of him as an alien that took your husbands body, your husband isn't in there, only this alien thing right now.

And yes, when you get home act like nothing happened. You can not do a good Plan A if you get in a fight with WH.

Remember he is an alien right now, and you are the sane one.

I love the way Orchid can babble back. It is perfect for Plan A. Please do look ups on her babble back techniques, she has a thread on her sig line which will help.

I think she also said you must act like a dove but think like a vipor, or something like that.

You would be well advised to look up some of her posts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whoami31:
<strong> Any advice on how to handle myself when I get home from work? .....What do I say when he tells me I'm crazy to think he and OW are having and A -- he has a way of making me second guess myself? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well you need to know yourself well enough and practice how you will respond when the fog is thrown your way.

Response to any fog babble to the WS is affectionally called 'reverse babble' here @ MB. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So when he calls you crazy, let him know you did a sanity check and found out you are still sane while he scored very low and then give him that 'puzzled look'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't try to teach or preach to him. He can't handle it right now. You can let him know that you have stuff to share with him but since he keeps babbling, you may need to hold it off until he stops babbling.

This may take practice. Seriously. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Also pray for patience. Read the books here @ MB (surviving an affair, his needs/her needs) and the book 'love m/b tough' by Dr Dobson.

Work with a good MC/IC or even better give Steve Harley a call. Phone counseling by him is good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You have a lot of reading t/d and if you do, then apply, vent here as needed, do your counseling..... it will pay off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.