WH has signed the D papers and it is on the table collecting dust. I have to admit i kind of force him to sign them and because i feel guilty for doing that i have decided to try one last time to pull his head out of the fog.

A week ago...i told him all those things that hurts me...i said i dont want to see anything that is given by OW including the cross pendant and to tell OW to stop calling him whenever he is with the family.

The surprise thing is that WH was very accomodating. He hids the wallet under the pile of papers on the table whenever he comes to visit. The cross pendant is gone. WH went with me to see Passion of Christ last night. WH asked for his rosary back and even took a picture of Jesus back with him two nights ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH also suggested that he holds the D papers so i wont go into my psycho mood and send them to the lawyers.

I have also suggested he come back to any forum either here at MB or the other infidelity sites to get support and WH has agreed but not found the time to sit down to do it.

WH has been reading all the articles i gave him and even the SAA book.

Despite all these effort, WH is still with OW and has not ended it.

My question is...should i still keep trying or just quit? Is this signs that he is trying to get out of the mess????? Is he seeing a bit of light and maybe trying to get out or am i just setting myself for another heartache?

Hi Zizzy

Zizzy,

I think you are so strong and have suffered so much already.

Have you just tried asking him what the h$ll is going on in his head? Maybe try asking him if he thinks that leaving OW and reconciling with his wife and kid is even remotely possible. Sounds like he is being a cake eater at the moment. Did you do a really awesome Plan B? I know you were in plan B, but it has to be a stellar one and we both know it. If you haven't done a good plan then you are picking and choosing MB principles and you can't do that. You have to choose a plan and stick to it, even though it is hard.

Lots of love to you as always. If you don't think that he is ever going to come out of the fog then tell him that and get his take on it. Other than all of that, I don't know really what to say other than I am sorry. I know the pain you are in.

HINY

zizzy -

If there is no reason to rush for divorce, why not take a little more time to see how this works out? Especially if you still have some feelings left for your WH.

I'm in the same place (papers, but not filed), but I have no feelings left for my WH. That makes it much easier.

So just wait until he snaps out of this, or you don't care anymore.

Hi again... Bumped me off. What I started to say was, try not to give up yet. It is way too soon for that in my opinion. I should know. My WH walked out to live with OW 3 years ago. That's right....3 whole years. I have never given up hope. Been to the lawyers a bunch of times but so far nothing has been signed. I am not forcing the issue either. That will be up to him. As long as he continues to pay the bills and maintains his responsibility to the kids, I think I can hold out longer. It has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I have been in Plan B for almost a year. It saves me a lot of hurt and there has been hints of some fog lifting once in a while. I send him good posts from this site at least twice a week and I know for a fact that he prints them at work and reads them when he can. He would never think of logging on here on his own. I will continue to work on this as much as I can from my end. I am just not ready to give up yet...even after all these years. You shouldn't either. Patience is hard, I know..... but do your best. take care....... KATHIE

Pookie4...Hello to you too. Hope you got better news than mine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HINY...i tried plan B and it was definately better than Believer's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> i did not fall as much as she did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but i really really doubt it is suitable in my case or in other words for WH.

WH comes from a dyfunctional family...Mother and daughter living in the same house can go for months without talking!!! Silent treatment is their way. They dont talk. 10 siblings. A big family but never ever had they gotten together for any occassion. Years ago i tried doing the same silent treatment because of some arguement. It lasted 3 days and i finally gave up because i cannot do it. It is the way he was bought up. I really feel that if i go into plan B it would create a negative effect for WH.

Believer...i am really stuck in la la land now. Seriously not in any plan. I am trying soooooo hard not to let my anger and pain get over me. Trying so hard and feeling very very tired. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Pookie...i admire your patience...i doubt i can hold out that long. 3 years is too long for me.

OW is 21 years old, staying with her parents who is against their relationship...but despite the odds...she seemed to have better patient than me. I think they deserve each other and I DESERVE someone better. I have seen better and greener pastures...and i know that i will eventually find another man.

Hit a low point saturday evening. Almost decided to end it all but somehow i prayed and got some of the strength back.

I realised that i always break down and give up after about a week or so. The rejections is the hardest for me to take.

I dont know why i decided to try and help WH. I made the promise to my girlfriend to try this idea for a month. 13 november seened very far away.

WH reluctantly agreed to spend time with me twice a week. I wont be surprised if he cancels them last minute.

When ever WH talks to me his fogs clears up and when he leaves his fogs comes back again. His defence system goes up and down. WH admits that this is taking a big toll on him and he feels he cannot go on holding on to both of us. WH is completely stress out lately.

A few times WH said he chooses OW and that HURTS like hell. Nevertheless after a few more lecture from me...the fogs cleared and WH agrees that OW is not good for him....back and forth...back and forth. WH said that talking to me makes sense but also makes him depress to think that he has to give up OW and he is not ready to do that.

I have not call him for over 24 hours now. I need a break. Trying my best to walk on the high road. What i really want is another round of plan B and end it all with plan D... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Looks like he's pretty addicted to OW. Y'know, withdrawal is the hardest, especially when OW hasn't LBed or give him any cause to break that relationship. Oh zizzy, I know it's so difficult for you!

The good sign is, your H still listens to you. Will he come home to stay and make that effort to break that relationship? Like Harley says, to enable the end of the A, H has to practice NC. I think it's definitely the addiction that he cannot let go of. I am sure you've read enough WS talking about withdrawals, denial of fog, breaking NC, etc. I can't give you much advice here because I've never been through that stage with my H. The OWs dumped him.

Would you be able to do a good Plan B again? Do you think it will work on your H or would that give OW good opportunity to have him? The holidays are 'round the corner... would H go away on a holiday with you? It might give your family a chance to reunite.

Don't give up too soon if your H wants to get out of this A. You need to help him.

BTW, where is your H staying now that he's moved out? Is he alone or staying with friends/relatives? Do your in-laws know about OW? Do you visit your H at his place? Might be a good idea to expand your territory a bit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Don't feel disheartened. Cheer up and Plan A him that two days a week.

The same friend that I made my promise told me to give WH a call and I did.

Like usual…fog babble started…WH was in lots of pain and told me that he does not want me or to go back with me anymore. WH said he was going to take the papers to the lawyer. WH said he does not want to give me false hope. He said he has not lifted a single hand to help so what does that say...

Incredibly I was very calm and cool. I let WH vent. I told him that I would not stop him from doing that if it is really what he wants to do. I advice WH to use logic to think and not let the feelings of pain cloud his judgment. I told WH that if he uses pain to think then he would regret his actions later. We spoke for another 30 minutes before the fog lifted and WH was husband again.

Before we ended, WH said that if he ever comes home he would kiss the ground I walk on, kiss my feet and ask for forgiveness. WH said that this is a promise he makes to me and told me that he really meant that.

Ruffled...i am trying...the signs look good only when we are together or when i speak to him if not then that old fog clouds come again...

Plan B is only good for me and i doubt it will help the marriage. I will hold on to this plan as long as i can. Its torture to hear WH say things like that...i know it is only fog babbling but it still hurts!

WS family knows. My sister in law and mother in law is very supportive. They will bite OW head off if given the chance. My MIL and SIL were BS too so they understand what i am going through.

WH is living on his own. WH is not telling me where he lives. Wh does not want me to know.

I dont know whether WH wants out or in???? The signs are conflicting...one minute WH tells me he wants out and the next minute he tells me i am the most amazing woman ever!!! This is also making me confuse...

<small>[ October 25, 2004, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>