On the inside that is. My basic personality is expressive and affectionate. My H seems drawn to people who are more cool and guarded. His former OW was this way, more of a challenge.

But that isn't me. I love people and like to be close to others, especially my husband. He just doesn't seem drawn to me, either emotionally or physically. He will say I have many wonderful qualities and am attractive but the bottom line is he doesn't choose to be with me very often or interact on an intimate level.

He also often reworks the way I express myself. He is continually telling me I should have said it like this.... Or telling me I should have done something a particular way. Not that I'm saying or doing anything wrong. But to him, it would be better said or done a different way.

It just seems my communication style irks him. He says I'm not direct enough and I talk in circles. I try to speak more like I think he wants me to speak but how much should a person do that? It's like I'm forever screening my speech and trying to be someone I'm not.

So how much should a person change who they are to suit someone they love?

I'm surprised everyone has ignored you!

I'm by no means an expert here but was he always like this or has it only been since the affair (or since he became open to one)?

Brian

Leah,
Your husband wants you to express yourself the way a man would so that he can communicate better with you.

What he needs to do is realize that M &W communicate differently. If you like to read books on this topic try the M are from Mars; W from Venus series. Start with the firs one then read the "in the Bedroom one"

I thought both were good. I still catch myself trying to fix my W's problems but I can usually catch myself.

If your H refuses to read it. Try to read him significant passages. Start with the ways W can communicate better with M. Once you have his interest throw in the ideas for M to communicate better with W.

Mac

Firstly a communication issue. That's obvious. What is your H trying to derive from your communication style?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But that isn't me. I love people and like to be close to others, especially my husband. He just doesn't seem drawn to me, either emotionally or physically. He will say I have many wonderful qualities and am attractive but the bottom line is he doesn't choose to be with me very often or interact on an intimate level. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you guys both filled out the EN's questionaire. Do you understand each others EN's so that you can fill them? Back to the basics, the feeling of love is created when EN's (usually 1-3) are being satisfied. Simply said Find out what they are and satisfy them. I don't know your story but this problem sounds like unmet EN's to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He also often reworks the way I express myself. He is continually telling me I should have said it like this.... Or telling me I should have done something a particular way. Not that I'm saying or doing anything wrong. But to him, it would be better said or done a different way.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CWMAC is right on target I think. It's just communication style. You don't have to change who you are to change the way you communicate. It takes two (I know that's an oldie but a goodie). Have you told him what you would like for him to change about his communication style? Not suggesting a LB here just constructive criticism in an honest and loving way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just get back to the MB principals. If you stick to the program you will see results. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless and take care,

C.