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Joined: Feb 2004
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Well it seems my H has made up his mind. I've been asking myself what he is waiting for and this morning i got my answer. my old landlord (who knows what's going on) called me this morning on my way to work and told me that a sheriff was there (at my old address) looking for me and he had a wad of papers in his hand. i never told my old landlord what my new address is for this very reason. he told the sheriff i hadn't lived there in a couple of months and he said the sheriff didn't even ask where. glad my old landlord and i have kept in contact. he started coming to my church a few weeks ago.

so there it is....so i expect i'll be served either at work or my new address because i'm sure they can find out where i live/work. it's just kind of surreal how i just made the decision that i was definitely going to send the plan B letter and give my H until 1/1/05 to file and if he hadn't then i was going to file. i called my mom about 15 minutes ago and she said that it would seem God was waiting for my heart to come to a decision (or something like that). you know i wasn't even that upset when my old landlord called and told me, i was almost even relieved and glad to hear it. but when i talked to my mom i got sad.

i was going to email my H today and ask to meet next week to discuss the division of the property but now i guess i'll just wait to see what the papers say. the only thing he has asked for was the computer. so i guess if nothing else i'll call him when i get to florida and ask if there is anything else he wants besides the computer and then bring it to him and have him sign a paper saying he has agreed to the division of property (my L said that we could do something like that but that was before i found out that i was going to be served). i don't know like i said, i'll have to see what the paperwork says. i even told my lawyer yesterday that if my h hadn't filed by jan 1st i was going to file. i had to send my L the debt information in order for him to get things arranged w/the sale of the house.

thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers and would still ask that continue to do so, that i would not become a big blob of mush through all this, especially if i ever see my H again. prayers to you, RR

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Roughroad,

You're 29, and you have no children. I wasn't married until after 30.

You have done your very best, and I admire you for the commitment to marriage that you have. Try reading "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders" and look for a man who will be a Buyer.

You deserve better.

Cherished

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{{{{{RR}}}}}

It sounds like you're handling this part well, RR. The legal stuff is tough for me to take. Thinking of you...

GC

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((((((RR)))))))

Thinking/praying for you.

- Kimmy

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RR,

I know you've been preparing for this, but I know your hurting right now too. It is like knowing your going to get a shot, - it still stings.

And yes you are 29, childless, and much smarter now. It is hard to imagine anything good coming from this whole charade. However, maybe there will be. Prayers for you, you have had a rough road.

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cherised, GC, niosgirl, TJ,

thanks for your thoughts and kind words. even though i've been living in another state, i think that has allowed me to transition into the detachment that i have. i don't think i would be where i am (mentally/emotionally) if i had been living in our house this whole time.

even though i know i wasn't the one to have the A and if i had filed that it would have been okay even in God's eye, i am still glad that i didn't have to do it. i'm still sad that it had to come to this but i'm also glad that the waiting game will be over. i know i'm 29 (will be 30 in jan though) but i've spent the last 12 years of my life w/this man and it's just not that simple to just move on. but again, i think the fact that we have been apart for a year now and i've always been self sufficient that i am ready to not continually be hurt by my h's actions and disrespect. he'll have to live w/being the one who filed not to mention the one who had to pay for it.

there has been a lot of good that has come out of all this. i have a closer walk w/God now which is the foremost important thing, i've lost almost 50lbs, and i have a lot more insight into his needs/her needs which will help me in the future w/anyone i come in contact with. even though i was happy and satisfied w/my marriage, now i'm more aware of how much better things can be if you meet each others needs and put each other as a priority.

so i guess everything will be overwith pretty soon, probably no later then december 1st. kind of weird to think about it that way. i know that people can get back together even when there is divorce but i also know that if we were to do that we would essentially be starting from scratch simply because of the way things were between us. if i think about it like dating someone, i wouldn't go out w/someone if i knew they had an A so why would i want to go out w/my XH? i know talking hypotheticals here but basically i've decided i don't want him back and him filing was to me a sign. i wouldn't be able to stop a D in a no-fault state only slow it down. so if it's inevitible then why fight it.

let them enjoy each other's misery and have the best revenge of going on and having happy life, which i know i will have.

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

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oops

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

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hi RR,

just wanted to add my support and hugs. i'll keep you in my prayers.

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Yes, it isn't easy to give up on a marriage that is a decade-long, but without children you don't need any further contact with him and that is good for you to be able to move on....

My best to you.

Cherished

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interesting but still haven't received anything despite yesterday's revelation. i was full expecting to have the sheriff waiting for me when i got home yesterday from work, after church last night, or before i left the house this morning. but nothing, i guess i could still be served at work but that would take getting another state involved (H in FL, i live in IL, work in MO).

like i said, interesting.........

yes cherished, you're right. the only pro w/having children right now (besides having children) is that i would have my IL support but you know if they can't even support me w/out children then i don't think i would want their support at all.

i guess i'm really nervous about the splitting up the debt. my lawyer has assured me more than once that as long as the debt was incurred during the marriage that the division is 50/50 no matter who's name is on the account or not. i have a few credit cards that are only in my name. those have been racked up due to me paying for everything for the past year, plus counseling w/SH, and now lawyer fees. anyway, i fear that if my h were to take those bills (which is my proposal) then what if he doesn't pay the bills or files for bankruptcy? my lawyer said that i could make a provision that stated if he did this then he would have to pay me alimony. but everything is still in my name so i asked my L if i should have my H put on the accounts and my L emphasized that he would NOT advise me to do that. so again if something were to happen the creditors would come after me.

oh well, there's not much i can do about it. i proposed to my L that i would take 2 bills and then my H would take the rest. i would be taking about 6,000 more then he would so he should be grateful. guess i'll just have to wait and see....

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RR, prayers for you.

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rr,

My initial reaction when I saw this?

Good for you.

I know it's been a hard battle, and you still have the legal stuff to get through.

Just know that you've treated your H better than anyone could imagine in this circumstance.

Chin up!

Ethan

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Thanks ethan, i still kind of feel guilty then i'm not holding out as much as i could. but there's just nothing there anymore. i'm okay with it really.

i went ahead and sent my H the following email:
"Hopefully by now you've received the package I sent. I mailed it on Saturday. I will be getting into Florida Saturday night. The movers are coming on Wednesday to pack and Thursday to pick up. I would like to meet to go over who will take what of the household goods. I thought maybe we could meet somewhere in X or Y, it shouldn't take long. I also have some more of your stuff to give to you from the files. I can meet anytime on Sunday, after 1200 on Monday, or anytime on Tuesday. Let me know as soon as you can when would be a good time for you. I'll be leaving tomorrow after work so I won't have computer access after that. You can still call me on my cell phone."

i wasn't sure if he would reply back since i know he knows they are trying to serve me papers but he did and this is his reply:
"Because of school I won't be able to get the package till Friday. I checked
Monday, but I didn't have anything yet. I can meet you at 12:30 on Sunday at
Rueby Tuesdays in X. I have taken my stuff out already so I really don't
have anything left that I need. I was just going to let you take what ever you
wanted and then I would deal with what you didn't want. We can talk about it
Sunday. Hope you are well and have a safe trip."

so this is it... i'll see him on sunday and depending on how we do the household goods potentially the last time i will ever see him. my L says that i wouldn't have to appear for anything for the D that everything can be done by mail. of course i'll look as nice as i can but not overdone and just be friendly but be at a distance as well. this is still kind of nerve racking though.

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{{{{{{{{RR}}}}}}}}

Have a safe trip. You will be fine and God belss you.

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thanks Lost,

i'll be leaving in about 6 hours. still meeting H on sunday. he ended up having to change the place we're meeting due to crowds at the resturaunt after church but it doesn't really matter. he did say one thing that just kind of makes me think, it has always really. he said that the only stuff he took from the house was stuff in the computer room and his clothes so if there was anything that i wanted back or whatever to let him know and he would bring it w/him on sunday. well i may not know i want it because i'm not sure of what he took. does that make sense? i guess i'm afraid he took something that i wanted but won't realize it to some time down the road. oh well, i guess there's not much i can do about it and i have a pretty good memory <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

prayers to all of you and i will let you know how everything goes when i get back, RR

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BTW, still no papers, interesting........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

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Good luck, RR. Thinking of you.

Soon you'll go on a trip for pleasure. Won't that be something?

((((((RR))))))

GC


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