It has been 4 months from d-day and I knew it was still going. I blew. Forgot about plan B and talked to WH Sunday nite.

I asked lots of questions. Asked him to make a decision on where we were standing and he would not. He wanted me to be the one giving up and I was not going to let him. I pushed him until he said " I am leaving". He thought I was going to drop everthing and ask him to stay and I did not. I even helped him pack. He was out of the door and came back because he did not wanted me to stay crying all nite. I do not know what gave him that impression when I was feeling relief that he was not going to be anymore my problem for a while and I did not have to wonder where he was and when with her. I did not tell him I felt that way. Anyway he stayed and left next day.

It has been a few days and I have kept myself busy. I am even thinking about D at this time. I am not sure he will come around. I have not follow NC with him or given a B letter yet. He keeps calling like nothing happened and asking me if I am upset with him. I keep telling him I love him and I am not upset with him. He looks for any excuse to call. I have not even asked about OW. It almost look like it all hit him over the head all of the sudden and now he wants to fix things. I am just letting him feel free for a while and do what he pleases because it is making me feel free inside of worries and his bad moods and his lies, etc. I feel stronger all of the sudden and with more energies than ever.

I am not sure it will work out or not but his leaving it has been the best thing so far in all this. OW needs to worry about him now, not me.

It is all complicated to explain where we come from in this situation. I just wanted to share that he left and I feel good. Not at all like I expected to feel.

I have a feeling that if he does not take care of OW anytime soon I will even be ok with a D. I caught myself telling a friend how I kept saying how I was in love with him until I realized that I was in love and holding on because his old self. The one that did not lied, that was capable of showing me he cared and loved me and was affectionate. Not what he has become. That person he became I am not capable of loving and I am not sure the damage can be reversed. I do want it to work deep in my heart because we come a long way, but I am not stressed about it anymore for the first time in a long time.

Just sharing. Thanks for listening. Love