My STBX emailed me to ask for a visitation schedule for our son. First of all....we aren't divorced...haven't even been served. He wants our son with him every WEd. and then every other weekend formFriday after school until Monday after school. I already told him that he could call and have him anytime he wanted as long as we didn't have something planned. Why all of a sudden is he now wanting a schedule? I really don't want to be without my son every other weekend right now.. What should I do?
I haven't responded to his email yet....

It would be good to have a schedule. That way your son knows when he will see his father. Also it will give you weekends free to go do something for yourself. I'm all in favor of this.

I don't mind him spending time with him...I have no problem with him having hom on Wed. and one night every weekend. We go to church every Sunday and I don't want him staying with him on Saturday's because then he'll miss church. My STBX doesn't go to church.
It just makes me so angry that I did nothing wrong and now I have to be away from my son because of STBX actions. Ugggghhhhh!
I guess I'll have to sit down and write out some sort of schedule that will work.

TR - Just a wicked little thought...he might be trying to establish a precidence (SP?) to show that's what you've both decided. Then when you bring up that you want to move to be by your family, he can say that you've already got a schedule worked out, and wouldn't it be best for your son....yadayadayada....

I've gotten in the habit of questioning ws's every move and intention.

Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sounds to me like he has talked to a lawyer and the lawyer advised him to do this. It establishes precedence for whatever future legal actions await the both of you.

Niosgirl and Rosiepisix.....
I never even thought of that! I bet that's what he's doing. I thought about it and I'm going to email him back and tell him that he can just call when he wants to see our son...no need for a schedule.
I haven't even recieved papers yet.

Maybe I just won't even reply! He can just call when he wants to see our son......what do you think?

Tree, discuss it with your attorney. Please oh please.

In my limited knowledge of divorces and custody fights, the established routine is typically for the judge to mandate something close to the existing visitation arrangement. Once that's established, you have to stay put until a final arrangement is decided and the divorce is final.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Rosiepiesix:
<strong> Sounds to me like he has talked to a lawyer and the lawyer advised him to do this. It establishes precedence for whatever future legal actions await the both of you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">^^^^^^ Exactly what I was thinking. Keeping S for the additionaly day possibly splits the Child Support in half.

Hmmmmmmm...I'm really wondering what his motive is here. I will call my lawyer but until then I am not responding to the email.
I did let my son spend the night tonight. This whole thing just makes me so angry!!!!!! I don't want to split my time with him. I love my son and would never in a million years leave him....it's just not fair that I will have to be away from him for any amount of time. How do I get through this????

Tree -

You will get through this. You are young and beautiful. I still think it is best that your son spend time with his father.

Right now, you are still hurt. But you will have a good life without your husband.

believer...thank you. You always make me feel better. I know I'll be fine without STBX and yes you are right...I am still very hurt.
I keep thinking about how he let OW talk to me while he was sitting right there next to her. That is very painful! I would never do that to him. I just don't understand how someone that you love for so long can turn around and stab you in the back and think nothing of it.
It will take a long time for me to heal from all of this.

I agree with the others. Definitely smells like a lawyering trick. Don't respond until you have legal advice.

I lurk but don't post much here. But boy, did your post strike a chord in me.

Unfortunately, I am to the point where I have given up on fixing my M and I am in the D process. But still, I never wanted this, always wanted to be with STBXH, always believed that we had a true best friendship and deep partnership and were each other's true home in life. Well, my perceptions were wrong. Life wasn't what I thought it was, and it will take a very long time to accept this and still continues to haunt me in my weak moments while I try to move on.

And - I didn't want to give up the time I had with my children (DS6, DD8). And I didn't cheat on him, become involved with another person or desert the home for this other person - why should I have to give up time with the only family I have left? I fought it successfully for a long time, but have recently begun giving them up for weekend visits. Oh, TreeReich, it is not easy and hurts so much. It has only been two months out of the almost year's separation that they have been with him overnight. But the better I become with it, the less stress it causes for my children. And STBXH wants to see them and I should consider that to be a blessing for them.

I wish I had something helpful to say. I wish that someone could gain something from what I've been through. But all I have is this - you *will* get through this and you will be a better parent and a better person and you will be back on your feet although it doesn't feel like it now.

Please see a lawyer and get the best legal advice you can. And please be prepared that even though you are a terrific, loving mother that has done nothing wrong and feel like you are being punished for another's deeds you will have to live through separation from your DS while he visits with his father. I know you will watch him carefully to ensure he is having healthy visits with his father and the pain for you will begin to ease as time goes by.

I wish the best for you as you go through this. I feel like I could have written your post myself.

Thank you findingstrength.
I don't know how to get through all of this but I know in time it will get better. I love my son so much and the thought of not being with him for a whole weekend just kills me. I know I will have to deal with it.
It just all seems so unfair to the BS here.
I will keep saying my prayers and hoping for the best. Thank you!

Tree Reich - I just wanted to say from a mom that has been divorced now two years and an exhusband that has had them over night - maybe 5 times tops - seen them only 8 times all of this year... Whatever you do when you finalize the divorce get the schedule in writing and stick to it.. My divorce states that each parent wants what is in the best interest of the children - therefore no schedule has ever been set... So it is a constant battle with my ex accusing me of turning the girls against him - of me not making them go - etc... again it is never his fault that he might call once a week or once every other week and say hey if you want to do something give me a call...
So to save yourself unlimited aggravation - get a schedule in writing and though you might not want the time away from your son - at some point you will need a break and he does deserve to have a realtionship with his dad... Good Luck..

Thank you maw64. I'm trying to be strong and do what is right. I just wish I could fast forward my life a year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Tree,

I've had the same wish. A common BS wish.

But if you sleepwalked through the year, you'd be denied the experience of acquiring all the wisdom you'll be gaining. Fun!

My IC told me the other day, "You're becoming wise, and that's a good thing, even if getting there is not pretty."

I don't know about wise, but I'll tell you this - I'll never marry somebody who doesn't understand how easy it is for infidelity to happen, and who doesn't believe that love is more than a feeling.

Yuck. Did I just write "more than a feeling"? Who am I?

GC

gc, don't feel bad. It isn't like you wrote "near, far, wherever you are..."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

GC...I like what your IC told you. I will have to remember that.

I know what you mean about the next person you marry. They will have to understand a lot of things. God.......I can't even imagine trusting someone right now.. That's going to be very hard!