I just brought my 9 month baby into bed with me. He woke up, which he normally doesn't do at night, and I haven't seen him much today so I just decided to bring him with me to bed.

He was sleeping before I got back to my room.

Right now, he's laying with his cheek on my bed and his little fist up near his face. I can hear him breathing and smell his scent. His chubby little cheeks are rosy from sleep. Every so often he sighs or smiles.

When I look at him, I feel a love well up inside me that just about bursts from my heart.

And I think, there is nothing in this world I would not do for you, my little boy.

And that makes it all worth it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, you have stirred my heart today! I was just reading your other thread, getting caught up, and checked this one too....

My oldest is in her first year of college and I miss her and today is her 19th birthday! Gonna call her in a little while...it's the first birthday I haven't spent with her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I'm o.k., she's o.k....it's just different.

Anyway, her and I started watching a little 4 mo. old last year and we watched him until our summer started (a seasonal business) when he was 13 mo. old...at first he couldn't hold his own toys, bottles, so dependent on us. We are so attached to him. He still comes over to play and is sooo comfortable with all of us it just makes my heart swell....he was here last night for 3 hours and I am still so warm and fuzzy from all his hugs and the way he leans on my leg and comes to me when he wants to show me stuff...oh yum yum!

I like where my kids are age-wise (15/17/19) but borrowing a baby is soooo wonderful! He is 19 mos. now....and his parents, who are very young, have separated this week because daddy is doing innapropriate things with an ex. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> He called and asked about "that book" we showed them a while back (HNHN). He went and bought it that day. I just hope it all works out....

FIM, you are an inspiration for so many in your shoes. You have fought a good fight and I wish you all the best in your current situation!

Edited for clarity...I was in a big hurry this morning..and for some atrocious spelling errors.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: marriedandlonely ]</small>

What makes it all worth it?

For me? Lack of a better option.

--Noodle

OK, I'll bite faith.

The look in my H's eyes when he sees the pain he has caused me in the past. The look of utter love, deeper love, knowing that I stood by him even when he couldn't do it himself.

The smiles on my children's faces when we are all together. The baby who is here now, that would have never been born had we parted.

It helps me to come here and help the new people. I want them to know it will be OK and I want to protect them the same way the others did for me four years ago when my world was blown apart and I thought I would never, ever be happy again. The knowledge that I would have survived with or without him.

God.

Sigh ~

Yes. Looking at the three people who H and I made from our union who want us both to be in their home, in their lives as a unit.

That IS what makes it all worth it!

FIM I'm not sure it IS all worth it yet. We'e so early in recovery that a good nights sleep, a loving gesture, seeing NC on FWWs phone statements, having FWW voluntarily cancel karate this evening so we could be together after my working away all day...the kids not aparrently sad all the time at Mommy behaving like a fog alien abductee..are all very good events !

Small things right now. I hope and pray there will be more.

Today for the first time since D-day it occurred to me that I am pobably happier now than I would've been if we had split. I have my kids, my home,their Mom in early but real recovery effort and my self-respect.

A lot of folks on earth have less than that.Mebbe THAT makes it worth it. Dunno.

All blessings

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 11:02 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

* dbl post *

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

It occurs to me that another thing that makes it worth it is who I've realized I am.

I'm a more caring, compassionate, giving, level headed person than I was before. I've learned to really look at myself FIRST when I'm in a situation I don't want to be.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

If WH never comes back from SAT, if we never reconcile, I will always believe that finding and refining ME has made it worth it.

I would have rather gone on a retreat or a backpacking trip through Italy or Ireland to figure out those things.....but we have to take what we can get, where can get it.

You will ALWAYS have the respect of your children, MIL and us.