I am into sort of a Plan B. She is still in town and coming to the house while I am at work getting her stuff. I have given her the Plan B letter. When i got in yesterday we barely talked and it was very cool even cold, about what the house appraised for. No relationship talk at all. She left about 5pm and spent the night elsewhere as she has for the last 2 weeks.
My question is this-her 50th birthday is next week. Should I recognize this event or stay silent. I don't even know if she will still be in town for it. I still love this woman but I cannot do anything that promotes her Affair. I am supposed to be dark in Plan B. Any thoughts on the matter?

hopeful,

In Plan B, it is a good idea to not acknowledge her b-day or any holidays. In Plan B the WS needs to learn what it is like to live without you. This is sometimes the cold water they need to wake them up, the realization that you won't be there to celebrate b-days and holidays anymore.

^bump^

Celebrating her b-day when you were in Plan A was acceptable, but is is definitely NOT acceptable now that you are in Plan B. If you do decide to celebrate her b-day, you will be sabotaging your Plan B and you will lose all credibility with your WW.

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

OK that's two that so no celebrating. What if she is still in town? Should I avoid her that day? Based on what you folks are telling me, I should.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
OK that's two that so no celebrating. What if she is still in town? Should I avoid her that day? Based on what you folks are telling me, I should.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you should because it will send a clear message that you mean business.

I do mean business.

hinc:

You're counting votes? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The 2 above should be sufficient, because it really is an absolute.

But, for the sake of argument, ink me in with the "no celebrators".

best,
-ol' 2long

hopeful,

I just want to remind you that one of the messages that Plan B sends to the WS is that this is only a taste of what life will be without the BS.

I know that what I am about to say can't be said about all women but it certainly is for most of them. Women put more emotional significance into dates like anniversaries and birthdays than us men. If her b-day was an event that was celebrated all the years that the two of you have been married, then the absence of any celebration of it by you WILL definitely impact her emotionally. Foggy or not, she WILL be impacted by it.

She placed a lot of emphasis on birthdays, anniveristies and the like. So she will celebrate this one without me.

Very good hopeful. You want her to realize what life WITHOUT you will be like. So far she has you and her fantasy. Let her get a real taste of you not being there for her.

I know it is hard when you love her so much. But that is the best way to bring her back home.

NC, I vote for no contact even on her birthday and a strong Plan B. As many encouraged me, let her face the reality of her choices. If you celebrate or acknowledge her birthday, you would allow her to "eat her cake"...a rather apropos pun! How about this? You take the money you would spend on her birthday and use it to treat yourself to something...celebrate in absentia (sp). My vote is for no contact. Take care, NC.

I am going to take the money I would spend on WW's birthday and go to Florida and spend the weekend with my oldest son. No acknowledgement from me to her on her 50th birthday. Maybe OM will be there for her. But I won't and I don't think her children will be there her either.

HINC,

Take your sticks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think you are doing the right thing. She wants out, she wants OM, she has wanted out for many years, let her out. I do hope she sees what she is losing, but I am not sure she will for quite awhile. Yet, she is not with OM yet is she? I wonder if things are not going so well in paradise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am betting OM is facing reality right now, and that reality is he does not want to lose his family,wife, and a boatload of money. He has a problem if your W shows up on his doorstep. LOL

Heck the weather is probably going to be nice this time of year. Have some fun and really enjoy your son.

God Bless,

JL

JL ihoped you would see my post and reply. Your voice is the voice of reason and stability. I think I will go to DC to see my daughter this weekend and asdk my wife to finish her packing and be gone by the time I get back on Sunday. And yes I will take my sticks and play a little golf in sunny Florida.
I have a college buddy that lives not far away from my son I may go see while I'm there.
My wife doesn't or can't see what she is losing. All she sees is the junk she reads in some of these woman's magazines. I reread some of the email from OM to her and from her to OM last night. He says all the right things. I hope he is ready to make good on his promises because here she comes.

hopeful -

Go and have fun. Your wife is now 18 days late in leaving. I think something is up.

While it hurts not to acknowledge her BD, it is the best thing to wake her up.

OK, I just did it. I purchase plane tickets to Florida for next weekend. I am going to visit my son who moved there this summer. I am actually looking forward to getting away for a long weekend. I am trying to follow everyone's advice to keep busy. So I am off to DC this afternoon to spend the weekend with my daughter and next weekend to Florida to be with my son. Like JL said to me "Do your life". Well i am going to.

Good man!

hopeful,

Where in Florida are you headed? There are a number of us MBers in Florida.

Just got back from spending the weekend with my DD in the DC area. We didn't do anything but hang out together. Had a good time. Next weekend I am going to Melbourne, Florida and spemd the weekend with my oldest son. i am looking forward to seeing him. Should be a fun weekend.

When I got home my wife was here. She is still gathering her stuff. She asked me not to tear up the weeding pictures. She says she doesn't have the room in her car to take them. She says she is leaving for Atlanta on Tuesday. Not the town OM lives in. All must not be well in paradise. But I know they still talk every day during the week. We got into a little bit of a confrontation but when she left I pulled her close and kissed her and said "see ya". I could see tears in her eyes as she left. She ought to see the tears in mine. This is not exactly Plan B. But her 50th bday is Wednesday and I don't plan to acknowledge it in any way. I still love this woman but she doesn't want to be here anymore. She needs a real hard tatse of the world right now. I have to fight the urge to protect her. Right now she won't let me protect her. During our little confrontation she was still very defiant. So go-get your freedom. I will survive in fact I will thrive without this chaos in my life.