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#1209946 10/21/04 06:57 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
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Hi all my friends, especially Believer , RR, and others. I am still here everyday reading the post. I didn't post just because I had not much to say. But thanks for everyone still rememering me.

There is not much change in my situation, but there is change in me. I was working very hard on myself to get myself ready for this long delayed plan B. I have to get myself ready, I mean emotionally ready for it, ready to be devoiced, single and lonely agian before I can start Plan B. I know that I am very very close now.

I have to go to class now, and I will post more when I come back.

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God just works in such mysterious ways. i was reading a post yesterday that was asking where another member was and i thought of you and how you have posted. so i thought today i might post a short message saying that we've emailed and that you don't post because of xyz. then i come in and cherised started a post and here you are. wow.

well, just know that many of us still think of you and our thoughts and prayers still go out to you, and look at how far you've come. you used to think you could never go to plan B. i used to think i was going to fight a D as much as i could and now i feel differently. time does have a way of making you think of things differently. God also helps heal us and helps us advance through adversity.

God Bless, RR

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lostnhurt - I am glad you are keeping in touch. So please give more details. Is everything exactly the same, with WH being gone a lot?

How are your kids doing? And how are you doing? I hope you are getting more sleep this year.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Ok, here is what is happening.

Wh still behaves the same. Comes and goes without warning, but me and kids are used to that and ignored that. Several times we were home enjoying our time and he came in (like 10pm or ao am in Saturday being gone whole night), all of us just ignored him. Since he gave me the letter on the end of June about D, he never mentioned about it anymore. But I am getting myself ready. Now he is talking to me about buying or leasing a new car. He even wanted me to ask one of my colleauge to co-sign with him so he can get the loyalty discount. Of course I refused. He also tried to bring a person from his work to finish the basement, he said he is going to work with this guy to finish the basement. I have no idea what he is thinking. He only be home when I was teaching T, TH evenings to cook for the kids and me. The other nights, who knows where he was, it is not in my interest. But he claimed he is home every day, because he would come in somewhere from 12am-6am. Most important is, whatever he does, it is not my priority anymore.

Now, talk about me and the kids. D is in 8th grade and will turn 13 in 2 weeks. That means she can stay home alone and look after her brother sometimes when I am not home. I don't have to rely on WH. S is in 4th grade and will turn 9 in couple weeks too. Their BD are only one day apart. Weekday nights, we spent our times together doing homeworks. If Wh was home, it is like he didn't exist, b/c he didn't participate anyway. Weekends, we go different places like movies, roller skates or shopping. Or the kids will go to their friends houses to play. I signed up for Yoga class, and S had karate class. I also signed up for some volunteer work to help kids in the urban schools. I volunteered a lot in kids school whenever I had time. I am also more active at work doing a lot of extra things in different committees, going conferences. All these helped me alot to get out of the depression stage. I don't need AD anymore and can sleep over night 90% of time. I told Wh not to come to my room if he came after 11pm. So most of the time I even had no idea when he came.

Most of the days I feel ok. When I said that I want to get myself ready for Plan B, that is what I mean. I want to win the war of Plan B. Winning this war does not necessary mean to get WH back. It means I win over the self-pity me, establishing my slef esteem and be able to move forfard. I guess that is what the Harley purpose of Plan B.

I will have to talk to WH very soon. He is pushing me to the limit with all these crazy things like finishing the basement or getting a new car. These carzy things got to be stopped. He will have to options: reconcil and go through all the program, NC w/ OW, or move out NC with me.

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LNH,
well it seems like you are almost at peace w/things if you can say it that way. i think the fact that your children have "adjusted" to their father's behavior has helped bring you to where you are today. i know you don't want a D and be a single parent. you are doing exactly what you need to do, keeping yourself busy, not worrying about your H, taking care of yourself and your kids, continuing to pray, and preparing for the future. i definitely didn't think i would be where i'm at, practically relieved to be done w/everything but that's what time and God has helped me with.

you are no longer the heap of emotions and "mess" that you were when you first started coming here, that's obvious and i think has given you some of your identity back. you are definitely winning the war in this whole situation.

i know the feeling of not posting because you feel you are whining or heavy in self-pitty. i don't really post much to people anymore becaues i don't think i'm much help, feel like i repeat myself too often, and i spend too much time here as it is. but i'll still keep people posted and if they are interested they can read and you do the same. as i told you in an email before i still plan on coming to michigan in april and would love to get together.

continued prayers to you, RR

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Lostnhurt -

I am so thankful that you are getting on with your life, and can sleep. Last spring I was afraid that you would fall asleep behind the wheel of the car.

I am like you, moving on. I hear from WH once in awhile, but he and OW moved to the next town. So now at least I don't have to see them all of the time. But I hardly think about them anymore.

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Dear LnH,

U have been on my mind also. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Seems like you are reaching a turning point in your life and moving forward is not as scary to you as before.

You have a lot going for you and the WS' desparate attempts to hold onto what he is allowing to slip through his very fingers is frightening indeed. Yet that is the result of this crazy disease.

What is clear now is your decision to not allow yourself and your family continue with in him his descent to destruction. Plan B will be more of a blessing than a fear.

Move forward with grace, dignity and respect. You have your honor. Love your family and pray for the wayward one.

take care,
L.

Joined: Apr 2002
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Lostnhurt,

Please do keep in touch.

Cherished

Joined: Jan 2004
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LNH, good to hear from you! I almost missed that you posted because I'm not on here as much as I used to be. And though I do visit GQII from time to time, I do most of my posting over on D/D.

I've been wondering about you just as the others were. I'm sorry to hear things haven't improved between you and your WH, but you do sound MUCH better yourself. I remember when we were both mentally a mess back last spring.

Unfortunately, some things happened and I gave up on waiting on my WH and filed for DV. It makes me sad. And sometimes I wonder if I should have waited. I care very much for him yet, but can't deal with his substance abuse and the affair, and while he's told me several times that he's sorry for what happened, he's made no move to end anything with OW either.

I actually think you've moved ahead of me on the healing scale now. I still haven't done a Plan B. I still send and receive text messages and occasional phone calls from my STBXH. He can't seem to completely let go of me, and I haven't done so with him either.

But I've now refinanced the house in my name and the DV will be final in less than 30 days. It all goes so fast.

I don't know what the future holds for you, for me, or for any of us on here. We just have to keep faith that God is working things for our good and keep trusting.

Take care! Stay in touch on here!

LL

Joined: Mar 2004
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LostnHurt...u sound absolutely wonderful..We are all so proud of you !

I think that you are living proof that the MB programme works. It may not have saved your marriage ( yet...u r not in PlanB yet!) but it is doing wonders for you. You have been patient and wise and have not let yourself be bowled over by your emotions. You are truly steering the ship of your life. I admire you.

A word of warning. by fixing up the basement your husband may be planning on moving down there after separation. My husband also has wierd concepts of remaining in the home after separation. Be prepared for this eventuality. It basically shows that he is a cake eater...wanting t be single without the finiancial impact that this could have on him!

keep going and keep posting !

Hugs!


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