It has been 10 months since D-day and I would have hoped to start feeling better by now but I am just not getting over this. My H has been great but I just look at him and some days I feel that I hate him. I had a great marriage. . .we never fought. . .we did everything together and in my opinion I met all of his EN's and he also met all of mine except for SF (which is high on my list of EN's) but he has an impotence problem and I just dealt with that and accepted that he couldn't fulfill those needs for me. Then he takes viagra to have a four year affair which has totally devastated me. I cannot cope. . .last night I stood in the kitchen cooking and my entire body was trembling and I felt as though I wanted to be physically sick.

When am I going to start getting over this. I am seeing a psychiatrist, am on anti-depressants but nothing seems to help. I work all day so IC is difficult. . .as it is I manage to see the psychiatrist on a Saturday morning. I have just signed up for some online counselling and I am hoping that might help me.

Sorry for the long tirade. . .this is the only place that I can let off steam and get some understanding answers.

Thanks for reading and listening.

Well, I've been in recovery 2 1/2 years, and it has seemed like a daily struggle to get over it.

I don't know if this helps, but I have come to recognize that I won't ever get over it. What I need to do is focus on my behavior in the present and let the past fade.

I have thought back to some crises earlier in my life that seemed so monumental at the time -- but they have faded. Nothing compares even remotely with his 8 month affair, not even years of abuse which included a broken arm.

I am not lessening the pain of what he has done by trying to get past it. What I am doing is accepting it and focusing on how we can make the present and the future better.

I DESERVE BETTER. That's what I tell myself. HERE AND NOW. Looking at anything else is a waste of time because, as Clinton quoted the Rubyat of Omar Kayan, "The moving finger writes and having written moves on Nor all your tears can wash out a word of it..." or something like that. Focus on the present because the past cannot be changed.

Cherished

Thanks for your reply. I know exactly what you are saying. . .I don't think I will ever truly recover from his betrayal. Its just that right now I feel like I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Normally I am level headed, calm and take things in my stride but this has knocked me for such a loop and I don't know how to cope with my emotions. There are just days when they overwhelm me. I keep this bright face on all day at work and find myself crying in my car while I drive myself home. . .I'm amazed that I haven't had an accident.

dear enid....after d-day i did have a breakdown. total break from reality. i have memories of this but they seem to be through a veil. i have suffer from post traumatic shock and was totally broken. i became aggoraphobic and basically hid from life. what this did to me has taken me almost three years to repair.(i'm not there yet but i am way better.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

husband will never truely understand the devastation ive been through. he did get a glimpse the other day though...we went to a place out here--fun kids place--and he is telling me they've changed it sooo much. im standing there thinking--what the he//? ive never been here---who did he take? he see's the confusion on my face, and ask's whats wrong? i tell him...i've never been here! he looks at me in utter disbelief. he goes on to tell me i have...the whole time im saying in my head...not a chance in he//..ive never been here. the pain and confusion was plain to see. he SAW it for the first time. we had fun and went home...young son later came to me and realized i had no memory of it so he recounted the whole day we spent there.(he's got a memory like i use too---every detail) told me daddy and i spent an awful lot of time kissing too!

i realized he wasnt lying...i was there. i just have no recolection of it nor probably ever will. it was during my break from reality. i realized, once again, how much ive lost. things that will never return. hubby saw it in my eyes. he was wonderful about it even through his own grief at that moment knowing it was his fault.

i tell you this cause he is only now, three years after d-day starting to get all of this. through the d-days, breakdown, and all of it...i was always the one to hang on. to believe in the man he truelly was. that has finally paid off. he is in counseling(IC) and we counsel with steve also. things are finally looking up. he is healing and so am i.....we have a ways to go but we are doing it together. i have had to learn to forgive and let go....look at all he is doing now. ive had to learn how to live again....in a new way. everything i was is gone and there is a new me to learn and grow with. i tell you this cause ive been where you are....it is a choice to find a way to lock the hurt and memories away. i dont think we ever get over it---we learn to live around it. i wake up every day thinking first i will chose to make this a better day for my husband, and i will choose to heal a little bit more.

i hope this helps.