I have written this Plan B letter. I don't know when I will give it. I would like get some feedback. Thanks.
Note: We went to Baltimore about a week before he told about affair/OW's pregnancy. He wrote a letter to me a few days before he told me about affair – telling me that I deserve better and that is why he is letting me go.
Here is my Plan B letter:
Dear H,
Please know and remember that I love you with all my heart. I want to fully share my life with you and you to fully share your life with me. I want to make you happy. I want to meet all of your needs. I want to build a better, stronger relationship than we ever had – better even than the wonderful relationship that we once had.
I think you are a beautiful, caring man. You are so special.
I love spending time with you. I was so happy that day in Baltimore, even when the stores were closed and we had nothing much to do. I was just so happy to be near you and hold your hand. I miss you very much.
I am so sorry and take full responsibility for my bad behavior that helped lead us to where we are now and allowed for the affairs to happen. I apologize for the hurtful things that I said and did. I now know that I shot you straight through the heart with the terrible things I said and did. I only wish I realized then how destructive I was being to our relationship. I'm also sorry I was not more appreciative of you. You took very good care of me. I am truly sorry. I cannot erase the past, so I ask for your forgiveness.
H, I want to work on our relationship; I think it's worth saving. But I cannot until you end your relationship with OW. I realize that you cannot totally end your relationship with her because of the child on the way, but I think you know what I mean. Please also understand that I am not asking that you never begin or ever end any relationship with a child of yours. I would never do that.
So until you and OW are finished, I must avoid all contact with you. I cannot talk to you, see you or message you. It is extremely difficult for me to do this, I think we both know. I do not do this happily, but I want to save our marriage. I hope you find that you would like the same. Please respect my decision. I just cannot share you any longer. I must do this because I just cannot hang on the sidelines while you are with her.
I have lost my self-respect. I am allowing myself to be treated like the other woman, and in turn, I'm acting like the other woman, not your wife. I need to take back my self-respect.
I hope that you will understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you. Yes, I have been hurt, but like I've said before, the pain does not run deeper than the love I have for you.
I love you, but I must cut all contact now. Please contact me directly only in cases of emergency. If you need to contact me about the dogs or house or whatever, please ask xxx or xxx to do it. I am not trying to keep you from the girls, so if you would like to see them, please pass on a message.
All this has not been easy for either of us, but I think I have grown from the experience as hard as it has been. I think I can be a much better wife than I was, after seeing all that's happened as a result of my poor actions. I see the change that is needed and want to change for the better.
I have many fond memories and would like to build many more with you. I know if we just tried, we could be happy together. Remember the message you sent me: WE WILL DO IT TOGETHER. [H sent this message after he told me he didn't want to be with me and then decided he wanted us to work on things together because he wanted to a better man and not the one he had become.]
From the letter you wrote me before [this is the letter he sent me right before admitting affair], I feel that you somehow believe you are not worthy of my love. I don't believe that at all. You are worthy because you are a caring, loving person who has so much to offer. You make me smile – remember the "shake, rattle and roll"? Please don't punish yourself because I certainly don't want to punish you. I only want to love you and feel your love.
So as soon as you end it with OW, I will be here.
I want to be your best friend, and I want you to be mine.
I do think it is possible to pull ourselves back to the loving, secure place we once knew and make it even better. Anything is possible if you dare dream it!
I love you so much! Please always remember this!
