My W and I had a long talk last night. She found a tracking device that I had put in her car and I told her that I had, in fact, put that in there.

She said that she is willing to work on the marriage and that she knows that she needs to initiate NC with OM. She says that she wants to have a family with *me*. I was a little taken back. I am cautiously optimistic about this. I'm just hoping that nothing happens to shatter this. She's leaving on a business trip with OM (and others from her work) today.

Rykon,
This sounds like good news! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I believe you should keep reading the material on infidelity - How to prevent an affair. Can you consult with Harley? I recall you saying before that your MC was giving her a month to intiate NC, perhaps you could talk to that person for some insight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I would still be cautious. If she is genenine in her expression, then she should not mind you giving her calls at bed time for example.
Good Luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
HH
HH
HH

Rykon it is very likely that your WW is still very foggy. Judge her status by he ractions not her words.

I would say I was happy that she intends NO and to work on the M, and would be even happier for NC to be actially imposed. Offer to help her construct an NC letter. Also I would say that I would also love children someday when our R was stable enough to do duty to raising a child in it.
Plan A, mate. Don't take fog. good or bad, literally.

All blessings

Mutual accountability. BOTH of you must become accountable to one another and do it out of love and NOT as a punitive tool [your W will appreciate this because you are included in this].

Beleive it or not, YOU are now vulnerable to fall into an affair of your own [doesn't mean you will, but more likely] and it is important that you and your W take the steps to avoid history repeating itself. But in order for mutual accountability to work, a basic trust has to be achieved that honesty will not be met with punishment via angry outbursts, selfish demands or disrespectful judgements.

Good luck.

rykon,

This does sound good.

Be careful though and guard yourself. One week ago today my WH had our divorce petition dismissed. Today he is another state with OW.

This is just my observation, but it seems common that once they make that decision to stay with the BS and work on the M, they panic and run back the other way.

I think they really believe they are going to recommit to the M. But it's got to be a bit scary to look into the face of recovery for a WS too.

On a positive note, I do believe that the decision for NC and commitment to the M can come about and be true.

One of these days, it's going to be the true thing. I hope this is it for you!!

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm *very* cautiously optimistic. I'm not letting myself get too excited. I just think that *any* change is good right now.

I just got back from the airport and she left me with a note on my pillow at home.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rykon,
I know we are going through some rocky times right now. But I want you to know that I love you and you are truly my best friend. I want to get back to the times when we had that passion for each other. When we couldn't wait to see each other. I want that and I need that. I know there are some things I need to change and work on. I am willing to make that commitment but I can't do that if we aren't honest with each other. That is the most important thing in a marriage. I need you to be supportive, open, and talk about your feelings. This isn't the time to hide and pretend. We have done enough of that and it has only hurt us. I am not sure what the future holds for us. But I know that our friendship is so important to me that I don't want to see it damaged. I am scared that is where we are headed. And right now that is one of the primary strings holding us together. We can't let that go. We have hurt each other so much over the last couple of months. We have done things that are not us because of it. I am truly sorry for the mistakes I made. I have to live with that guilt everyday. If I could change the past, I would. But I can't. I can only focus on the future and what it holds. I am willing to do that and I believe you are too. Let's use these next five days as a nice break to clear our heads and start fresh when I return.
I love you,
Mrs. Rykon </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just hearing her willing to address things and the fact that she knows that her and OM can't even be friends if she wants to work on this are good news to me. I told her to use these next five days to figure out if she wants us to work on the M or not -- no demands, mind you.

Cautiously Optimistic/Putting this in God's Gracious Hands

Well, far be it from me to rain your parade but I think your W telling you these things is a way to ease her guilt as she goes on a long weekend trip with the OM. I know that you want a "bone" to hang on to, but step back and really look at this situation. Your wife is in the "fog" as many here like to say, but I think you have potential to get hurt here by buying into this. Untill there is NC with the OM I just don't see any thing to be "happy" about. Read FIM post of last week re: recovery and her WH being home. That is a perfect example of what can (and unfortunatley will probably happen with you). I know you want to be given hope, but you have to have actions back up words. Good luck.

You're not raining on my parade. It's just nice to hear her say that she realizes that she can't talk to OM if she wants to make this work.

It's the little things. Right now, as I said, any change is good. I haven't gotten a note from my W in a long, long time.

I'm still reading and planning on Plan B. BTW, thanks to Hurrian Hoosier for recommending "Love Must Be Tough." I think this book resonates with me more so than any of the other books that I have read.

I appreciate the dose of reality that you all have added. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have a great night everyone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rykon:
<strong>
I'm still reading and planning on Plan B. BTW, thanks to Hurrian Hoosier for recommending "Love Must Be Tough." I think this book resonates with me more so than any of the other books that I have read.

I appreciate the dose of reality that you all have added. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been there, man! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
It can be extemely hard to sort out what you want to see & hear & what you gut tells you! Reality, although painful at times is the best way to fight through this to get to point of recovery!
Another perspective that was very hard for me, was that I in essence had developed an attitude of "Co-dependencey" - this enabled my X to do a lot of what she did. This is where discussions of "Boundaries" is critical. Fair negiociations -- But make no mistake, it is the WS that has to take responsibility for the A's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Please do not blame yourself.
Recovery is extremely difficult for the WS. They have had some very strong positive feelings from the A & I believe it is natural for them to resist changes & not want to take the responsibility. That is very difficult for many! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> This is where you have to be fair, but firm.
Hang in there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Peace be with you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
HH

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</small>