Yildun (That's delta UMi) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> :

If the OWH is "moving on" by dating while he's still married, he's having affairs. Point that out 2 him, if you ever talk 2 him. If he seems interested in that viewpoint, send him here and let US talk some sense in2 him. What he's doing is WRONG. But we'd love 2 "train him" so that he can save his marriage and be an ally in YOUR fight 2 save yours.

...usually that doesn't work, though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I've talked 2 a lot of GREAT betrayed spouses here, on SYMC, and at my website at www.iloveulove.com , and you know? I think it's ac2ally "healty" for you 2 explode once in a while, preferably at the beginning, at the WS. He's WAY WRONG, and using you cruelly right now. Sometimes the shock effect helps. Having said that, I never did it, really. And I regret that I didn't early on.

About the "sexy" talk. Well, I have 2 admit that SF is one of my top ENs. Always has been. At least, that is, until this year. My W and I have probably been intimate a half dozen times since New Years. I'd say we're probably starting averaging maybe half a dozen times a year at this point. And if we don't get busy with recovery, it just might drop lower than that. I'm not interested. Part of that is realizing that it's GOOD for me 2 "lay off" for a while so that my W will realize that I love HER, not her body. And part of it is realizing that *I* need her 2 recommit, big time, before I'll "give of myself" in that fashion. I'm "holding out" I guess. But I'm not doing it spitefully.

If you don't feel like it, tell him you don't. Don't elaborate. Let him stew.

best 2 you,
-ol' 2long

<small>[ October 24, 2004, 08:26 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

ursaminor1:

BIG SIGH !!!!!!!!!!!

I think you are a perfect example of someone who misapplies PLAN A. I have seen you make every excuse in the world for your husband continuing the affair, even justifying it as saying "My Husband is sich a good H and father and he just wants to be responsibl man if this OC is his". Man, I feel sorry for you, I really do. Plan A is NOT to just be nice to WH, IT IS TO END THE AFFAIR. Your Husband gets the best of two worlds. I can't imagine the pain that you are in and yet you let it continue to happen because you "belive in true love". What are you getting in this relationship? I apologize for my tone. but this is the kind of post that gets me in trouble on here. Good luck with your husband, I think unfortunatley you are in for a long and very painful road. Good luck.

2l, OW and OW's H are preparing to go through D, they aren't going to reconcile and I feel bad, they were married for 7 years, together for 10. There is too much anger there and neither of them are forgiving people. I told him about this site before and he just laughed, said I was wasting my time trying to save my M and asked me why I would even bother. I just said, I love him and my M, and how can I not want to work it out.

My H has always been a very sexual person, high needs there, and that was one thing I could never complain about, it was always there. He still says now that I turn him on more than anyone. I said something to him the other day when he was talking, "how can you find me that attractive, that much of a turn on, talk to me like this, and yet not want to be with me?" His response was "I do want to be with you, I just feel alone all of the time." I took this as a good sign, that maybe there is a little dim light at the end, but I don't know, I am also trying not to get my hopes up.

I feel bad for getting upset, blowing up at him is one thing, but hanging up on him is another, especially when I can't call him back, he has to call me. I almost feel somedays, like not answering when he calls, making him wonder for a few days to see what his reaction is... not sure how good of an idea that is though at this point and only 3 weeks into d-day.

Just talked to H and am feeling the worst I have since I found out three weeks ago. I told him that I didn't feel it was fair that he was telling me that he wanted to move in here when he got out to make sure that is was really over and I told him how I didn't feel that I would be getting a fair judgement when he is still talking to her. He got upset and started yelling that he won't stop talking to her and he loves her and our M will not work and he doesn't want it to. He hung up. I am so hurt, this is worse than d-day and I just don't know if I can pick myself back up again and try again. He knows he is hurting me and he still keeps on doing it. Is this it? Am I at the end and should just write Plan B and go from there? I just don't think that he will come out of the fog and I don't know how to go on.

UMi01:

"I told him about this site before and he just laughed, said I was wasting my time trying to save my M and asked me why I would even bother."

Well, that pretty well sums up the degree 2 which this guy could be an "ally", doesn't it? Best thing for you 2 do in this case is never speak 2 him or his STBXW again, and work 2 end contact between your H and the OW.

Only YOU can decide whether it's worth "bothering" 2 save your M.

"I just said, I love him and my M, and how can I not want to work it out."

I think it's more that you have enough self-respect 2 give it a good shot, so that no matter what happens you can look back on your choices now without regrets.

-ol' 2long

UMi01:

For now, until you get some professional help with this, it MIGHT be more helpful 2 you if you simply stop answering the phone for a while.

You need 2 work this with a professional. I can't stress that enough. While you are at it, I would look up sample plan B letters and draft one up in case you need 2 use it when he gets back. Let people here give you ideas as how 2 fine-2ne it.

-ol' 2long