While still entrenched in my A, I was in a Christian bookstore, running an errand for my church. I walked in the aisle that had marriage relationship type of books. I remember doing a sort of mocking little laugh at all the front covers with happy looking couples, thinking, "what a joke". Then a title jumped out at me, "Surviving An Affair". I picked it up, and flipped through the pages a bit. I was very interested, but there was no way I wanted anyone to see me looking through it, and I for sure wasn't about to buy it. I think it was on the back cover that I saw the website for MB. I tried to put it to memory, so I could look it up at home later on. Later, I couldn't recall the address, so I typed "infidelity" in the search engine. I found it!! I went to MB, lurking, reading for a couple days. I read all the info about affairs, how to end them via NC letter. I even read the part about how common it is for a P to result from an A! Why, to this day I do not know, but I was drawn to the P/C forum. I read on there. I heard the hurt, and was deeply moved, and even scared--but not enough to end my A. Looking back now, I wonder if I had posted, if I would've ended my A sooner????

I carried on with my A for 2 more months, became P, and ended the A. I remembered MB, but I didn't go back, not even to lurk, because I was planning to never tell my H about the A or that baby might be an OC, and I knew from my previous lurking on MB, that my plan would not go over well.

I became so desperate for help and guidance, even if it was something I didn't want to hear. I decided to take the chance, so I registered, and posted, 2 1/2 months after ending the A. I remember thinking, "well, maybe they might just agree I should keep it all a secret". You can guess, that was NOT the case. It took awhile, but 6 weeks after my original post, I confessed, and I've never looked back.

I feel I owe so much to MB and its members. I'm still here, because I still need help in my M recovery, but also because I want so much to pay back for all that I've received.

I regret with all my heart and still kick my a$$ that when I had a chance to save myself and my H so much grief, I didn't take it. I often wonder why, with the information right in front of my face, I didn't end my A sooner???? I trust that God had a plan, and that gives me some measure of peace about it.

Great topic!

~autumnday

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

But AD - You've been so blessed by that baby! Your dh has been, also!

(((AD)))

It was about 1 month after D-Day. Was finally getting over the initial break out of the STD that WH gave me.

Also getting over the phone call to my work from some mysterious person who said "Ms. D? TM from the NRB is who your husband has been sleeping with." Click.

I freaked out. Had to leave work. WH said it was all a lie. His "ONS" had turned into a 3 year A.

My friend - my boss's wife - gave me SAA the next day. Right there on the back cover was the website address.

I lurked for a week or two, then registered.

This place has been a Godsend to me.

(((((((MB))))))

K

For me it was when, after VERY GOOD month with unheard of before communication, affection and honesty, in our M, my H rapidly started detaching, being secretive, and I felt guilty for suspecting his newfound friend was not a benefit to our M anymore, as I initially thought.
I was googling stuff about insecurity, low self esteem, communication skills in marriage when I found MB. It was about two months before the D-day. I actually emailed my H a link talking about friendships progressing too far, unexpectedly and unintentionally. B/C that what I felt that was happening and that what I was scared of.
After Dday when H was downstairs on the phone or IM OW, I would be sleepless upstairs either lurking or venting on the boards. Before I was mostly reading the articles part of the site.

I regained my sanity by seeing how both my reactions and feelings, and my H actions were common, and not unusual at all. I thought - because the pain was so DEEP , and so unexpected - that short of me being crazy - nobody else could experience such a betrayal and dissapointment before... How naiive...

Still lurking, still hoping, looking up the books again.
FBOW

not like it was the first time, but in Nov 2003, OM and I had said goodbye. I had sunk so low, I desperately wanted help. I wanted to walk away and stay away. I also wanted to find a way back into my marriage. My H had been tightly holding on for so long.

i went to google and searched for prayer and marriage and found the prayer board in MB.

My first post: requesting Prayers to learn to trust again

GC - I think mine is pretty good too. My H came home one day and told me that OW had gotten this book and given it to him to read. Turns out it was SAA!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I read it instead and discovered the website address on the jacket...she tried it out on him for awhile but forgot the part about no LB's big time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...by the time she got done, I looked like an angel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ; thanks to the book and the people on this site....gee is it really going on 5 years!!!

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: victoria farrar ]</small>

I was in my car, at a park with OM's W. I met with her to apologize to her, she led me to MB. She said a NC letter would help him to move on, and it might help my H to see where my heart was.

So, I came home that night, read up on NC letter, and posted for help, I got a tremendous out pouring of support, and went with it.

Addicted every since. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KY

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: kyellow4 ]</small>

I was sitting right where I am now surfing the internet and finding mostly useless information. I remember being so discouraged and not knowing what to do once my WH came home from his deployment.

MB has been a miracle in my life these past months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

oops

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

I was at home, alone. FWH has left and I searched to understand the affairs.

Then the next day I went to work and downloaded every page of this site (and many others before MB), printed it, and read and read. But it wasn't till months after that I came to this discussion forum.

The forum, and along the many books discussed here, has helped me heaps in understanding myself and the A. Things would have definitely been different if I haven't been here. I even remember the first post I read here-- it was that NZ lady-- KiwiJ's post and Just Learning's reply. These posts have helped me in understanding the WS's point of view.

Good thing I asked for a laptop when FWH left, eh?

Actually, it was before we even got married. I was poking around sites about making marriages work, etc. I stumbled on here and discovered the crazy notion that Ms can recover from infidelity. I never would have believed it. But that was a lifesaver when 3 years later, I suspected something. I had the idea of Plan A at d-day, but it's still very hard to follow.

My wife told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. A few days later, she told me that if OM wanted her, she was his. I became suicidal, and looked up bible versus to see if I would really be in trouble in the afterlife if I "did myself in". Then I started looking up why people have affairs, using Google. Thats when I found MB, and started reading articles and posts, and saw so many similarities between my WW's A's and lots of other people's. This changed me, and allowed me to avoid the natural instincts of a BS (which my WW called just sucking up, due to how I reatced to her first A). I printed up some articles about EN's, POJA, etc. She read them and scoffed. But I am still here!

On 1/8/04 H told me he had feelings for OW, but never expressed them to her. Yeh right! I guess screwing OW and saying ILY for months doesn't constitute "expressing". Over the next few days he told me the feelings were "love". I was devastated. I think I found MB within the next week. If I wasn't so lazy I'd look it up here. Sometime last year I had signed up for these inspirational messages, I think from beliefnet. Truthfully I'm not even sure how or why that came about. I think it was from that site I found MB. I truly believe that I was led to MB from God. If it weren't for MB I doubt very much H and I would be together now. I do know the people here have been my greatest support, and I'll never forget any of you. Oh heck, now I'm getting all sentimental. CV

On 9/25/03, five days after my discovery of my H's affair I was searching the net for info. on affairs, marriage repair, etc. and this site was one of the first I came across. I spent days reading the main pages, articles etc. and posted on the forum.

Without the support of this place, God knows where we would have ended up!

I discovered the main portion of the MarriageBuilders website on dday. I remembered a friend told my you can find the answer to anything on the internet. I did a search on infidelity and found two or 3 good sites (one was MB). I remember finding the 10 questions to ask your spouse if you've found out they cheated on you. I think they're in the link in my signature.

I didn't "discover" the discussion board until about 4 weeks later and then it was another 2-3 weeks before I registered and posted my first message.

Good question.

RH

Oops, had the signature turned off.

My STBX told me that he wasn't in love with me and I was down in the dumps so I got on the internet and was searching for a site that could help me and here I am.....and MB has helped me more than I could have ever imagined!!!!
Thanks to all of you!!!!!!

I found the site last summer while searching for Dr. Harley whom I had seen about 20 years ago when he was still in private practice. He was one of the few truly good and insightful therapists I'd ever met, so when H decided in July 2003 he thought he wanted out, I went looking for Dr. Harley. I didn't know he wasn't still practicing, so instead of finding him directly, I found MB.

I found MB during an internet search when I realized my WH was not on vacation alone. I have been here since (August), using Plan A. I am especially following the threads of FIM and our expectant mothers. These ladies are devine inspiration.

I hope to be a success story.