Oh man. Well, is it ALL out there now? Every single drop? If so, in a way, your heart MUST be lighter than it has been in a long time. I know you are concerned about your H, but - dang girl!- you rock.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you today. Please post when you can.

Spidey

{{{{{{{{{FL}}}}}}}}}}}

A HUGE Hug for you, with a little "umph" thrown in with my squeeze! I am so so so so so in awe of you.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!

Man o Man, how exciting it is to watch God do a work in your life!!!!

FL,

You know he is going to be on a roller coaster with this, so buckle up. IN fact tell him you expect it and you will hang on while this goes on. But, most of all let him know you do love him, and you do want him in your life, no other man just him.

This will be tough on both of you but I have a feeling that he can make it through this and that the both of you will help each other.

You have done well FL. You have freed your conscience and you have freed your H to decide his own fate with regard to the marriage. It was a couragous move on your part.

God Bless,

JL

FL,

It will most likely take some time for your H digest what you've told him... be prepared for him to have many different mood swings as he works through all of this.

Hopefully you both have a good MC to help guide you as you rebuild your M... You were very brave in telling your H...

My W and I are praying for you and your H.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

my post didn't go thru....

not sure if i can retype it all now.

i am in the office, after H woke up he eventually said it might be better if we were not both there. i had cancelled IC by then but i got it rescheduled, i see her in 1 hr

until then i am in my office, no one saw me come in, i'll leave just as quietly.

i read your posts... i can't feel anything but pain right now. i don't rock, i have robbed this man of so much

he said if he knew about what happened in college he would not have married me.

if he knew about what happened in 1991, i'm not sure what he would have done then. but the point is i gave him no choices.

sure i have now, 20 yrs later, seems just too late to say i did something good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how exciting it is to watch God do a work in your life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">someday i hope i can see it that way. right now i just feel like my life has just been evil at work the whole time.

i do intend to hang on tight and i WILL continue to tell him i love him and i want only him. he does not believe my now, i hope he can someday again.

i can't believe how much destruction i have caused him in my life. i have robbed him of 20 yrs.

we are not in any MC, i don't think he will, i can't imagine he will want to. i can't imagine being him right now, i can't imagine dealing with this information.

how could i have done all these things?

FL- he is still in shock and trying to absorb. I'm glad you're seeing your IC. Perhaps in time it might be helpful for him to go to your IC with you?

Finally learning:

Good Job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Way to go! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
You go girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We are all behind YOU! (How's that??)

I know your emotions are all over the place right now.
Relief, fear, anticipation....and on and on.
In addition, your H is all over the map as well. (understandably)

However, Give yourself credit here.
Point is....YOU Did Do it (confess).

I'm sure this was one of the most difficult things you've EVER had to do and face up too.

So Congrats that you had the courage (and Love for your H) to begin to "make things right" between the 2 of you.

You Finally recognized that "IF" your Both willing to go through all this (recovery) it might as well be a real, true and TOTAL Recovery.

Once again, we are PROUD of the New Choices you are making for yourself. These Steps are HUGE...don't ever discount that fact!

Now your H is most likely going to be very Up and then down and then up and then WAAAY down over all this.
After all, this IS quite a lot to have to First Process and then Deal with.
Like anything worth while, its going to take some time.
And sadly, NOT ALL of it is going to be positive.

However, it can have a positive ending if your willing to stick it out.
Of course that choice is up to you.

But you've been making much much Better choices here recently.
I'm sure that trend will continue.

Wishing you only continued success!

my post didn't go thru....

not sure if i can retype it all now.

i am in the office, after H woke up he eventually said it might be better if we were not both there. i had cancelled IC by then but i got it rescheduled, i see her in 1 hr

until then i am in my office, no one saw me come in, i'll leave just as quietly.

i read your posts... i can't feel anything but pain right now. i don't rock, i have robbed this man of so much

he said if he knew about what happened in college he would not have married me.

if he knew about what happened in 1991, i'm not sure what he would have done then. but the point is i gave him no choices.

sure i have now, 20 yrs later, seems just too late to say i did something good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how exciting it is to watch God do a work in your life </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">someday i hope i can see it that way. right now i just feel like my life has just been evil at work the whole time.

i do intend to hang on tight and i WILL continue to tell him i love him and i want only him. he does not believe my now, i hope he can someday again.

i can't believe how much destruction i have caused him in my life. i have robbed him of 20 yrs.

we are not in any MC, i don't think he will, i can't imagine he will want to. i can't imagine being him right now, i can't imagine dealing with this information.

how could i have done all these things?

FL

It is totally understandable that you are going to be hurt when you see your H hurting because of your latest set of revelations BUT please don't let your pain dictacte your course of action. It is easy to start feeling self pity [we all are guilty of it] and beleive that your H would be better off without you but nothing could be further from the truth. Even though it doesn't seem so, your H needs you now more than ever to weather the turmoil. Don't let any of his words of anger and pain sway you from your mission of helping him. Again HE NEEDS YOU!

When you feeling down, come here to the forum and we will give you all the emotional support you need and help you recharge your emotional batteries [free of charge of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ].

{{{{FL}}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i can't imagine being him right now, i can't imagine dealing with this information. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I too said that if I had known some of the information that my W told me, that I wouldn't have married her... I truly felt that way at the time. Looking back, I know that it was my pain lashing out at her. Continue to let your H know that you love him and that you are going to continue to fight for your M...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how could i have done all these things?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL, we are ALL human and we are all sinners. You have confessed your sins to God and He has forgiven you completely. It will take your H some time to digest all of this new information and make his decision on whether or not he can forgive you. Having said that, I just want you to know that it IS possible for your H to forgive you and to rebuild your M, no matter how "bad" you think it is right now... My W and I are living proof that God does restore marriages.

You have done what you needed to do by telling him everything, now it is up to your H to decide what he wants to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i can't believe how much destruction i have caused him in my life. i have robbed him of 20 yrs. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are experiencing Godly sorrow. (2 Corinthians 7:10-11)... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL, I can sense the pain in your heart... and I can tell that you want to "make this right" with your H. Again, it will take time for him to sort through all of his feeling... but keep praying for him and don't give up on him as he deals with his emotions and pain. Love him every chance you can, and let him know that you are there for him.

I can't stress this enough, but it is CRITICAL for you to both find a good pro-marriage MC and start going. You are both going to be dealing with severe emotional ups and downs and IMHO, a trained, pro-marriage MC is absolutely a must if you want to rebuild your M.

Again, my W and I are praying for you...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Rebuilding in Faith 90 ]</small>

FL,

Congratulations on doing a very, very brave thing.

What your H says right now is going to be said out of shock. Many spouses say it's all over, pack your things and leave, they hate the sight of you.... just try to hear the pain, and not the actual words.

From my experience as a BS, the worst was NOT the betrayal. The worst was the continued deception, and lies. Wondering what else might be lurking around the corner, waiting to be uncovered. Once your H regains his balance and realizes that it is all out there in the open, I believe he will begin to understand the anguish you've been through, and how hard it's been to tell him everything. You'll have a lot of work to do, but you'll be building on a firm foundation.

Your marriage aside, look at how much YOU have grown! It's astonishing. You have chosen honesty, change, and allowing your H true freedom and a true partnership.

Hang in there, sweetie.

Speaking for myself, I'm very proud of you!
I know it was difficult, I know it hurts.

Your H will figure out pretty quickly that as far as he was concerned, you never HAD to tell him these things. You could have just gone on and he would not have been the wiser.
He will come to understand that you told him because you want him to know and believe that you are serious about always speaking the truth from now on. That the days of hiding are over.
It will take time.

I hope maybe you can suggest that he drop in here sometime. A lot of people here have answers to the questions he undoubtedly has, that most can't answer.

((((FL))))~

I'm sorry to be so late, but I just wanted to let you know my heart is with you. You did a very good thing, for better or worse, it is a very good thing. It's all out on the table, you gave your H the gift of your honesty, no matter what. Please stop beating yourself up. You are human. You are a human who is trying her best not to be the person she WAS. This is one awesome step in the right direction, among all the other steps you've already taken.

bump to check in on you today FL- I am thinking about you and praying for your family.