What do people on here think of putting yourself into something like plan B? My wife trys to make contact, and I always seem to end up pushing for more. She says her goal is for us to get back togeather, but she wants to deal with her issues first. Alot of her issues she realizes are related to the abuse she suffered as a child.

Is she having an affair?

No she isnt. Infact I am the one who had an EA. That ended in July, in August she moved to her parents home.

Well then why would you go into Plan B? Plan B is to a) end an affair and b) protect the BS from the destructive effects of an affair. It is not for the WS.

It sounds like your W needs love and support right now more than anything.

Yes she does, but I seem to push way to much for us to get back togeather. She takes a step towards me and I take 5 leaps towards here and end up pushing her back

When one person leans towards another, in overbearing fashion, both people fall.

When two people lean towards each other evenly and equally, you can hardly knock them down!

Take her cue, relax, don't appear needy, appear strong and under control, but not aloof. Match her actions towards all facets of your relationship, but don't push her away with overbearance.

But you already knew that, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
SD

Going dark on her with plan B i don't think would help.
Take notice of what works and what doesn't.
If she takes one step towards you, quit it with the 5 steps ahead. Instead, take 1/2 step towards her, then wait for her to take the next step.

I have tried, but it isnt easy. I want her back in my daily life so bad. I want her out of the living situation she is in.

I understand why she is still there to a point, and I should accept that. I dont like it, but its what she feels she needs to do.

I guess plan B is really what Im looking for, just maybe a week where I cant contact her, just some time for myself with out feeling like a yo-yo which for the most part I am doing to myself

Plan A and Plan B are for the BS, the betrayed spouse, to do. Not for you.

You need to let your W grieve the loss of the marriage you HAD, and let her collect her thoughts as to what she wants next.

With that mindset, you need to be remorseful, and let her know clearly that you are sorry for your actions.

Ask her what it will take from you to EARN her trust back, her respect back, her love and affection back. And listen CLEARLY.

Pace yourself, and EARN her recommitting to your M. This is going to take a lot more time and patience than you might think. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. You will have to look at this as a long term investment, rather than purchasing a lottery ticket.

I would suggest you find the number for the Harley's and make an appointment for the BOTH of you to have a counseling session with them. They will give you a clear look at how to approach the future successfully.

:::uploading a truck load of patience to you:::

SD

<small>[ October 23, 2004, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

what I meant is plan b isnt what Im looking for. oops

I guess my biggest problem is me. I do push way to hard. When we do talk all I seem to want to talk about is us getting back togeather.