I need to vent a little, my apologies...

Here some new ridiculous statements my WW told me on Yahoo Messenger earlier this morning:

WW:I did not abandon you, abandonment means:to withdraw protection, support, or help from, and I do try to protect, support and help you. (this is laughable to the point of absurdity. If my lawyer hadn't advised me not to talk to her about the false statement, I would remind her of it, not to mention dumping the kids and I off at my mother's 2 1/2 hours away, and she is only giving me $100 of the promised $280 a month for child support this month...)

ME: you rewrite our history in order to "feel ok" about ending the marriage with an affair, its ridiculous...our marriage was salvagable, but you are hellbent on having it not so, even after telling me numerous times that you don't see a future with him...
WW : yeah....and I absolutely do not see one with you
ME : what do you mean yeah?
WW : I am hellbent
ME : i just don't understand...
WW : I have no way of helping you understand
WW : Someday you will be glad because this will all make you a better person

WTF!?!?!!? Make me a better person? How so? She is driving me crazy. She said she would chat later...so I think I'll have to ask her how her first A made me a better person. If anything, it made me insecure, humiliated, clinically depressed, you name it. Now another A and everything else...I think that the only thing that has helped become a better person, is reading the articles about how A's start, EN's, LB's, etc. And, reading the posts on here, and the support I have from everyone on here at MB.

A's making a BS a better person...that has got to be one of the STUPIDEST things I have ever heard...

Hypothetical conversation:

"Hey man, I heard your W is having an A, how are you holding up?"

"Oh man, never better. I am such a better person now, I am so grateful to her for having the A."

Isn't that just d@mn ridiculous?

Dimmu,

Remember the old saying 'You can't argue with a sick mind'? Well that is what you are trying to do when you have this kind of conversation with her. You may want to consider the next time she tries to engage you with her ludicrous statements to simply respond 'Your actions betray your words' and simply end your yahoo messenger session with her.

When are you going to implement Plan B?

<small>[ October 24, 2004, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Sorry, double post.

<small>[ October 24, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

T00MuchCoffeeMan,

I know what you mean. Its just hard for me not to engage in these discussions with her...especially after I haven't been able to talk to her in a few days.

I have considered a Plan B letter, but it has been only a few weeks since she told me she wanted the OM. Part of me is hoping she will see that her mind and heart are sick, and gets help. She won't talk to me on the phone, only on Yahoo, so I think she either feels guilty when she hears my voice, or she hates the sound of my voice because she truly doesn't love me at all, even deep down. I can't tell. But she'll chat on Yahoo whenever she is on.

Her mind and heart is so foggy, that if I Plan B's her at this stage, she would be like "Yeah, whatever". Though the false statement is the main driving force behind a possible Plan B letter. The fact she did that is an all different kind of wound than the A, especially considering that it is connected to the A. First, she stabbed my heart, then...she eviscerated it...

I know that I am torturing myself by continued contact, but I don't know how to stop...I still miss talking to her, hugging her, making love to her, kissing her, drinking coffee or tea with her...

Plus, I dream about her almost everynight. Constantly. I wake up from it in the middle of the night. And if I'm not dreaming about her, I am dreaming of kicking @ss on the OM.

T00MuchCoffeeMan, I totally understand the logic and reason behind your advice, and believe me, I truly appreciate it. Its just that I have to work past my emotions for logic and reason to take hold. I'm sure it will come, hopefully over the next few weeks.

Dimmu,

Your mind is a very powerful thing.

Russian athletic trainers understood this, and this is why there athletes were among the best in the world.

Train your mind to think about things which are of your advantage, postive things, especially when your mind is in the alpha state (early morning, not fully awake times).

Attract positive things to yourself through your thoughts. This is called the "Universal Law of Attraction", whatever you think about the most, will amplify, become your truth and is what you will attract to yourself.

YOU have control over what you allow your mind to focus on.

Keep in mind that Plan A is not to be a lifestyle and it must have a time limit 3-6 months on average. Keep in mind that staying too long in Plan A can end up losing all love you have for your WW. Plan B is to protect the love you have left for her in the eventuallity that she ends her affair, and wants to come back to rebuild the marriage. Don't kid yourself that if she comes back to you that recovery will be a piece of cake [it is very hard, sometimes harder than an ongoing affair]. So be very careful in staying in Plan A for too long.

Dimmu
WS say stuff thats utter hurtful bollocks (English word <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )when fogged up. For an example of my FWWs fog do a sire search on 'compendium'.

Yet now, 3 months later she is sat across the room from me stitching a sampler, joking with the kids and smiling at me when our glances meet with every intention of fixing our marriage.We're early in recovery for sure but the fog is going fast.
You must not take stuff to heart she says when she is fogged. Mine denies she said any of my journalled stuff and is embarassed to be reminded of it !

Detach andfocus on positive proactive things, not the ramblings of a dopamined mind.

All blessings

weaver, TMCM, Bob...you are all correct and logical. Prior to all of this happening, it was easy as cake to focus my mind on things. Its just temporarily messed up. The positive moments are there more often, than say a couple of weeks ago.

The tears do not flow as much as they did. The dreams make it difficult, though. I sometimes go to bed, -not- thing about my WW, but my sub-concious is all to eager to remind me in the night. Funny thing about that-a few weeks ago, when we were stil sleeping in the same bed, I couldn't recall any dreams. Even though I was suspicious of WW and OM, she was still there with me then...

I have been focusing on the kids, and my guitar playing (I have been composing new riffs!). My son will be in school by Wed., so I can continue my job search. Having a job will help me immensly. I haven't heard back from places I have applied to, but that doesn't surprise me. I am in a town with a population of about 5300. Jobs aren't always available around here.

I am also going to be drawing up a business plan with a friend for a computer-based business. Its a hobby that can be turned into a career, so that is exciting. It will also impress my WW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My WW's fog has been keeping her from visiting the kids (so she doesn't see me either), so she can't see any changes. I will probably curb the chatting on Yahoo to an extent as well. I call it something "between Plan A and B". She has mentioned the OM, and I don't respond, I just chat about other things. When she does show up, I'll try not to talk about R, M, OM, or the A. (I know I've been LB, because she says it "upsets" her). I'll just talk about DD's achievements at school, and the fun activities we do or plan to do (kids are excited about making snow people this winter!). She can see then what she is missing, by waiting for OM to get out of jail.

If she doesn't see the light, then its Plan B time. I will not do six months of Plan A of any kind. I think its great when other guys do it, and I commend them. But in my situation, no way. As you said before, TMCM, she'll probably have to hit rock bottom.

Meditation, detatchment from the situation, and positive thinking, are my goals as of right now. I thank all of you, especially for your patience with me. I know that one minute I am up, and down the next. I take all advice to heart, but sometimes need to read it again, because of my own "fog" during my emotional downs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meditation, detatchment from the situation, and positive thinking, are my goals as of right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes the best advice is the advice we give ourselves. You are on the right track. Don't do anything that hurts you or makes the ride rougher. Sometimes obsessions (fog) tell us to do things that are counter productive. We just have to realize this when it happens and fight our way through it. You are doing well.

God Bless

C.

shmaley,

Thank you for your support. One of the things that makes my road rougher, is to see her or hear her voice. I get serious withdrawl afterwards. She is supposed to be here on Halloween so that she and I can take the kids out. I'm a tad nervous about it. I have reread some posts on Plan A (the more I reread, the easier it should be for logic and reason to overcome my emotions, thats my theory), and I know I am not to show any emotion in regards to loving or missing her, or show any ill will towards the OM (like hoping people take his food from him in jail, lol). I guess I need to focus on that, since Halloween is right around the corner.

Before posting this reply, she sent me a Yahoo message. I think that I plan A'd it pretty well. No talk of anything other than the kids, and how her day was, talked about eBay (its one of her hobbies), etc. We got into a discussion on child support.

She is so foggy, she didn't realize that she owes me more on the 26th. She started getting mad, but I wasn't confrontational or anything. I just said "I'm not demanding anymore from you right now, please forgive me if it appears so, I'm just explaining the bills to you, thats all, we should sit down and go over everything".

She mentioned her time and money to see the kids, implying that she should deduct that from the CS. I replied "sorry if I don't count the time/money, we're 2 1/2-3 hrs apart, not by my choice, sorry.", and she replied "I don't really count the time/money either, I'm just saying I have given you x-amount, I don't have it...etc." So maybe its working! She went from getting mad to nice from a couple of my Plan A replies. Like ark said in Plan A musings...just say sorry when the WS gets like that. All in all, it was good Plan A practice. Wow, do I feel better after that chat with her!

Another goal I am setting myself is to become self-concious of a woman's EN's, and things that I may do that would be LB's. Just like when I read the article on a BS's instincts, I avoided them like the plague this time around! Totally self-concious of it. People have been wondering why I'm not acting mad or freaking out on my WW for what she has done. They think I'm crazy!

Bob Pure,

I just wanted to say that your Plan A posts are a huge inspiration for me. I plan on rereading your posts. I truly hope that everything works out for you and your FWW!