I just emailed my "friend" at her home email (that she shares with her H) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and her work email to once again ask that she respond and tell me HOW she knows that he is not involved with another W.

I came right out and asked her if WH had told her he was 1. impotent or 2. had an STD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The first, From personal experience not true. The 2nd, better not be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Because of the first I would be very "annoyed" to say the least. But, it would definitely prove my suspicions. SIGH!

Any suggestions?

NUTS! I am driving myself insane with this. I said I woud call her tomorrow night if I hadn't heard from her. How many shoes can there be to drop? I am dreading her answer. My suspicions are WAY up there now.

Woah, hold on there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You're definitely hard-charging on this with her.
I don't know if that will get you anywhere or not. Guess it depends on the type of person she is.
I'm sure by now she knows what you're thinking.

Well, I don't know. Here is what I wrote:

"Sorry to keep emailing you. But, quite honestly, "friend, this is making me very nervous. And very "concerned" that you seem to be avoiding me.

In my discussion with my counsellor, he raised some concerns about WH and his current state of mind. You had agreed that you would kick him out when I got over there. (I checked with my counsellor who agrees with that) He said that to not kick him out would be enabling his avoidance of dealing with our issues. I hope that there is no problem hanging on until then? He won't be there much as he will be at sea or on leave looking after DD.

I understood from our talks that you were very eager to help us get over this hard time. Has something changed that?
As I said in the email that I had me sent to your work id, I cannot fathom how you KNOW that he isn't involved with another woman. Did he tell you something? I cannot fathom how YOU know.
I am working as hard as I can to get this house sold. My goal is to be there before Christmas or shortly after. But, I will be there a couple of times between now and then. Job interviews and some door knocking, etc. And DD and I are planning to be there when he gets back from sea to surprise him. Both times.
PLEASE respond and let me know. I don't want to ask WH on Friday because of his grandmother and other stuff. But this is too important to us to be possibly blind-sided. I need to be prepared. I am so worried about your silence that I am freaking out, right now.
I know that WH is on duty tomorrow night. So, if I haven't received a response, I guess I will call until I talk to you. I would prefer to do this in person, but since I can't get over there until next week at the earliest, email will have to do.
Praying for us all,
Still Friends?"

So, what do you think?

I think I was vague and "concerned" enough to sound misunderstood at the very least.

Sorry, but I have to say if I were reading that as a complete outsider, unless she had the common sense of a hamster, she knows what you're getting at.
Now, that doesn't mean that's a bad thing, because if it's true it will place some pressure on her. I guess you will need to see what kind of reactions you get out of her now. Stay strong for yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Guardian.

I do have a tendency to come on strong. And, I try very hard to not go overboard. But, in this case, I feel I deserve an answer. And I will not drop this. One way or another I will find out what the he!! is going on.

I loathe not knowing what is going on behind my back so to speak. I can't work fast enough to get out from under this house! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am trying to do a House Doctor on it. Don't know if you see that show where you are. But, basically new paint and clear the clutter to get the best price. BUt, I have to do it without WH help and I am VERY overwhelmed with the enormity of the task. And don't get me started on the packing! 3 people's 2 dogs and 2 cats worth of stuff. And I am a bookworm. Yikes now I am worried about that.

Give me strength! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just wanted to drop in and say "HI!". I saw you on the eclipse thread and came here to see how you're doing.

Ugh. Good luck with the friend. Unfortunatley, only time will answer any of the questions. It sucks.

I'll get back here to actually read this whole thread later, but know I am thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers too. I am glad I was able to help you through that first day:) There were so many here that have helped me on more occasions than I can count. It's good to know I can do the same for someone else.

Well, before I go off to work, thought I would say I finally got an email response late last night.
Here is the gist of it as an editted quote:
""First and foremost, I am NOT avoiding you. Geez... I had over 300 emails to sort through.
I know you're going through a very rough time, and I'm sorry to not write.
WH has told my H that he's not fooling around and is getting really pi$$ed off that he's being accused of it. Also, the way he's been for the past little while has got me thinking that he is turning himself around on his own. I don't know what has changed, maybe it's just your last few talks together. He hasn't avoided you that I am aware of, and he and DD had a good time together this past weekend.

We both want to help you both out and help however way we need to.

And yes, we are still friends and always will be."

So one drama down and a million to go. Thank you, Lord. I am so relieved. And by her tone, she didn't hear anything but my fear. I am glad that I held it together enough to not accuse her of anything. Still not happy about the sitch. But, WH is at sea for 2 weeks. Home for one and then gone for 3 weeks again. WHich brings us almost to Christmas.
That will be strange. But since he has leave (time off) and I don't. I will ask him to look after DD here the entire time. At least we will bein the same house. I have no intention of making it easy for him to be away from us or letting DD go over there to visit. This will have to be the living together to work on things part until I move back to WH's city.

NOTE to self: WH's attitude has changed since I stopped the LBing that the MB site talks about. I was telling him he was wrong, crazy, selfish,etc.for feeling the way he did. UH DUH. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. I was making judgements and not acknowledging his right to feel. Okay small 2X4 alongside my head. I get it! Wish there was a gremlin for hard-headedness smacks!

Had long talk with SIL. She had talked to WH and he seems to think that everything will be the same. That is he will come here every 2nd week and then DD will go over there in between.

Where is that 2X4. Oh, you mean like it has been for 2 flippin' years? Oh like it was last month before he wanted to be number one, didn't love me but cared about me? Sheesh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

SIL asked him if he REALLY thought that I would let him stay here? Lots of blustering. FOG FOG FOG. Hadn't thought about it. Just assumed. Yay SIL! She just rolled her eyes. She said he didn't deserve me. I am far too good to him. Ya, but dopey me, I love the dork!

WH told me in a conversation how he "needs" a truck and how once things are settled, he will get it and an apartment and have lots of money. HUH? FOG FOG FOG.
He has always let me do the finances. So, he now thinks there will be MORE money after he pays child support? He has no money now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Now, on top of that, my 'friend' (see previous posts) said she thinks he is coming around as he said ILY when we talked on Thursday.

I insisted he did not. She insists he did. Her H agrees. He must have been talking to air. Because I hung up. HAH!

And, yes, I checked with DD to see if he made any other calls the night that she arrived there. Nope, she was with him all night and no other calls to him Mom or son, etc.

Good thing I didn't hear it. Would have been quite annoyed. It is too soon for that kind of talk.

We have a lot of $hit to wade through before I even want to hear that word from him. I think he still does feel that way. But, now he is too deep in resentment and avoidance mode for that phrase to mean diddly.

FOG FOG. Darn! There needs to be a puff of smoke that you can use as a graemlin.