Ive been in Plan A for abotu 10 months. I pretty much have me under control. I rarely LB, Im complimentary, kind , sweet and put up with his general refusal to participate very much in our home and family. The only thing I dont have under control is food...Ive put on so much weight in the last year that I wont even weigh myself (id guess 50 lbs).
the problem is that I feel so impotent. the psychologist says I dont need counselling because Im not depressed (2 prozac a day take care of that). I know I cannot pray away his free will. he says he doesnt feel comfortable with me. he doesnt feel comfortable with relationship talk. he is very happy to spend time with me, infact hes reluctant to do much outside the home without me. I just feel like Im breaking my back putting everything into the marriage and getting very little out. Im a very touchy feely person but he never gives me affection unless I ask for it and then he complains that it makes him uncomfortable. I need hugs..I really only ask for maybe one during teh day and one before we sleep. He makes me feel bad even asking for this.
Beofre all this affair thing started I was very reluctant to do certain things sexually. They made me very uncomnfortable. I bascially began to do them because he liked them and I knew it was a need. I became ok with that over time. I made the effort to meet his needs. he makes none to meet mine. he says to what end should he do it? Why should he?
he will not commit to outr relationship, nor does he leave...he just takes and I give, each day becoming more emotionally drained and feeling more fat, frumpy and unwanted.....
IM fed up with feeling impotent. With not having any of my needs met. Of having to be patient and kind and pander to him every step. Most of all Im sick with his unwillingness to share emotionally anything important with me.....
he says that I want him to "tow the line". Heck all I want is for us and our children to have a normal family life... How can the idea of that be so uncomfortable?
Dang I hurt. How can I overcome this feeling of total impotence?
<small>[ October 25, 2004, 02:04 AM: Message edited by: Debbra ]</small>
