The last 3wks were good. Now it seems like I am back to questioning. It is so hard to look back and wonder how true the last 4yrs have been. I want to believe my H in the worst way, but on those days when the pain resurfaces, the dout comes back. His A was a one time thing as was mine. I keep wondering was his really a one time thing. I have asked him several times and asked him to be truthful. I said I wanted to make sure this was it so nothing comes later to bit us in the butt. He said yes every time. He said to our MC when we were going that I would not believe him. I want to I really do, but when you don't ever think he would ever do it in the first place it changes the way you see your WS.

He could feel the same about me though. My A was a one time thing. So am I saying I am more honest then my H? He had always been an honest person before. I HATE THIS!!!

I try to say that was 4 yrs ago, life is different, we are different, we have a family now. The past is past and can't let it hurt our present and future. This is what I truly want. But sometimes like now I wonder if I can get past this and if it is worth feeling the pain and sadness I have felt and am feeling right now. I know he feels terrible for what happen, and he has been very loving. I don't want to upset him by bringing this up. It makes him upset when I think this way and tell him. It causes nothing but LB's.

I just want my life back the way I new it before. Maybe it is better not to know the truth sometimes.

Ann

I know how you feel. Its been 10 months and I still question. I think once a partner has had an A there will always be a question mark in your mind. I have been trying to work on me and trying to regain my confidence. I think once you have worked on yourself and your own self esteem issues it will make it easier to question less and believe more.

Yes I am trying to work on myself also. It is funny how self esteem has never been a problem. But what does not help is when my H's EX Op is NOT attractive at all. What does that tell me? Why does he have to go scrape the bottom of the barrel? Or maybe I should be happy that she is nothing to look at or talk about?

Ann

Ann I had to respond to your reply about the OW being unattractive. The OW my H had an affair with was an old girlfriend from about 10 years ago and as if that was not bad enough, the woman is about twice my size and very unattractive as well.

I had such a hard time with that because I felt that my H had downgraded from me. I just couldn't get it through my mind why he didn't have an affair wtih someone absolutely gorgeous. You know, a step up from me.

I actually talked with him about that and asked him why he didn't chose someone better looking than me. He told me that maybe he couldn't find anyone prettier than me. (I suppose he was trying to make me feel better but it was kind of a lame response.) I guess in a way I have likened it to him not feeling too good about himself when he had the affair so he sought out someone, although unattractive, who could stroke his ego regardless.

Anyway, sorry this reply doesn't have any advice but I felt I could relate to this part of your situation and wanted to post.

jayla

Ann...

Your WH chose someone who filled a need that you were not filling. Probably admiration.

SF and admiration are usually 2 of the top EN of most men.

I think it was so for my WH. He told me a while back that OW told him that she loved him from the first time she heard his name.

She would see him around the office, and even tho she is a very moral person <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and she would NEVER go out with a married man, she just couldn't help herself!

WHAT A FREAKIN' LOAD OF CRAP!!!

But you can see what I mean. You need to fill those needs so he doesn't get them filled somewhere else.

OW's GAS STATION SIGN : WITH EVERY FILL UP GET A FREE STD, AND A TRUNK LOAD OF VERBAL CRAP!

K

k72172 I understand I was not meeting his emotional needs, but why admiration? What did I say to make you think that?

Jayla I should maybe take comfort in the fact that is was not good looking. I keep telling myself I wish it were someone else, but what difference would it really make. I know this girl from high school. She is 2yrs younger and is probably loving the fact that she has one up on me. As far as I know she is not aware I know about the A. I have not decided if I am going to say something to her. Damned if I do and Damned if I don't.

Thanks all, keep it coming,

Ann