It has been almost a month since official NC date (H went back and forth after he said he would do NC in July, still in the fog then). No emails, no calls, no nothing to OW or from her. Believe me, I've been checking. H seems committed to the M and has been making changes to make it better. Everything seems fine but I don't feel secure yet.

I ask what is wrong with me because I am still holding onto my H's emails I printed out that revealed the affair. I shredded the originals but held onto the extra copies. H doesn't know I still have them. They are hidden in a tote but I looked at them yesterday and felt sick all over again.

Why am I holding on to them? I should really just throw them away, right? I don't know if I keep them just as proof of what a jerk he was or what. It can't be good in the long run to keep them.

This is so frustrating.

jayla