I have read most of the stuff at this site and I see why I had the affair I have seen why I don t want to let go of the OW I now know why I feel compelled to save our marriage and what i must do to save it But how do I get My wife to look at the stuff I have learned here today when she won t even look at it or talk about it with me all she says is its your fault you shouldn t have been with her now you pay the price for what you did By being Sep from me and the kids I truly feel that this info I have found here could help us alot But again How Do I Get Her To Look At IT BTW she never let the opp pass to remind me that she wants a divorce and she dont think she wants me back

I replied to you on your other thread.<P>Oh, I know how that feels when you have found a resource that can help bring an insight to this situation, and perhaps some solutions, but your mate refuses to work at it, or even look at the site or material.<P>Private Lies is a book many say is very good to understand the affair - might be good for you to read, and Surviving an Affair is another one for both of you to read.<P>My husband doesn't come to the site, and refuses to read any of the material. But that is okay, because I have learned some things that have made some change in our marriage from this site.<P>Did you read the plan A and plan B that is on the first page of the site? It is very good. It seems to me Plan A might work for you. izzy has a thread about the plan's, and you might take a look at that. <P>Was there just a lack of meeting each other's needs? Or was there also lovebusters? Or was it a little of both? There was a lot of lovebusters in our marriage, and a little of not meeting each other's needs. <P>Well, just keep reading and posting - you will get a lot of support from us. <P>There has been some nasty posters lately, so a lot of members haven't been reading all the threads, avoiding the pain of the unknown, so I would imagine this is why you haven't been responded to yet. <P>I think you would agree that your life would be far more unfulfilling if you chose divorce, and once in a while contact with your OW. I would imagine it would become a lonely empty life. Give her up and give your marriage all the chances that it deserves.<P>I am so sorry about you losing your son.

Before you there are two paths. One with the OW and one with the wife. Both paths are filled with pain and frustartions. In some ways, the path with the OW might be easier as you will not have to fight (yet) for acceptance and love. But this path is a dead end. The OW is married and does not want to include you in every aspect of her life until death do you part. That relationship will not even begin to fill your needs and certainly will not allow you to be all you can be for her. <BR>The one with your wife will, without a doubt, be one of the most difficult paths your life has taken. It involves so many factors that must be dealt with and will be VERY painful and take a VERY long time. But twenty seven years is a long time too and it certainly has not been without pain. Your primary and God blessed bonds are with your wife. It is on this path that God will give you strength. On the path with the OW he will leave you on your own. Oh, he'll be there watching, but the relationship with her is not sanctified in his eyes and he therefore cannot step in and allow miracles to occur.<BR>The path with your wife will need miracles along the way, and thank God, that is where the miracles await you. Maybe you need a new purpose, a new focus, a new direction in life. Let that focus be to rebuild upon the 27 year old foundation.<P>Now, is the time of choice. The two paths are mutually exclusive of each other. They do not overlap except at points of pain.<P>Which path do you REALLY Want? YOU CANNOT GO BOTH Ways?<P>If you choose the OW I am afraid there will not be much guidance from this source, but if you choose the Wife you will be amazed at the power our collective thinking will provide for you.<P>Let us know.