I'm trying to treat it like any other day. Still I have to admit that it doesn't upset me that I'm spending it alone.

I decided not to try and contact my STBX today. Which of course is making me want to contact him even more.

You know, it's not even really that I want to get back with him anymore. Sure there is still a part of me that wishes for that but everything points to the fact that I'll have a better life without him. Still, this anniversary serves only as a reminder of how badly my marriage has failed.

Moving on is hard. I only hope that someday I can find someone who will treat me right and that I can have feelings for. Right now that's just not in the picture.

Maybe someday.

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Ouch that has to hurt. You are hanging in there better then I would. you are one tough cookie. Look at the bright side, he is the one who is going to be kicking himself in a year or two that he let such a fabulous and strong women go, and look what he is stuck with now. Hang in there, the RIGHT man will come along, and treat you as you deserve and give you the life you deserve, not what you are currently living.

Are you off today?

If not, when you get home take a long, hot bubble bath. Then, watch a really funny (or really scary, since it's Halloween-time) movie and eat some popcorn in your fav jammies, robe and slippers.

Make sure the lights are out - but burn your fav smelly candle. Smelly candles are the bomb diggety when it comes to lifting spirits.

Paint your toenails. Painted piggies make all the dif. in the world.

Use your fav lotion - the one you save for "special occasions." You're special...you deserve it.

If you are off today, go get a mani and a pedi - and splurge for the pariffin dip. Then go to the library and check out some mind candyish book.

Read.

Then do all the steps above (except painting your piggies, since they're already done).


Hugs chica!

I took myself out for an excellent dinner on my anniversary. I want to save my M, and so the situation wasn't quite the same as yours, but I did it to celebrate my own dedication to my M, regardless of what shenanigans my W was up to.

I enjoyed the dinner very much, actually, although at one point I felt a bit like the wife in The Sixth Sense, having an anniversary dinner with a ghost.

GC

okay it's almost 3pm here and I've finally decided to get up and out of my black gloomy clothes... i need to buy some blinds for my window and I'm going to go out for some dinner or lunch or breakfast, whatever you want to call it. I just need to get out. I just wish I had someone to keep me company. I hate eating alone.

I spent my most recent anniversary writing exposure letters for those who couldn't, for various reasons, do it themselves. It was quite cathartic.

I also took myself out -- with a really good novel -- for dinner. Had a great time.

I really like the idea of betrayed spouses who are alone spending their anniversaries writing exposure letters for others -- or helping others in SOME way. Your annivesary is a day to celebrate your committment to your marriage, and to the principals that underlie healthy marriage in general. One of the best ways to celebrate that is to ACT on it. Like the AIDS activitists used to say... Act Up.

Ivory - I know today must have been tough for you, I hope you got through it o-k. On the bright side, tomorrow has to be a better day!

i took myself out for a veggie burger at Red Robin today... then had a drink and saw "The Grudge" It was the first time in a long time that I saw a horror movie alone. I almost left the theater before the movie started because I was scared by the trailers, but I stuck through it, though my eyes and ears were shut during most of the movie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Then I went driving. Past by our gym. Broke down crying a bit but I'm ok now. Stopped by the grocery store to pick up a chocolate cake. (Thought about Andrew at Red Robin when they sang Happy Birthday to a seven year old). I almost drove past my H's house to see if he was home. I hate the thought of his friend possibly taking him out for some cheering up today. Don't know if that happened but it's a possibility. I don't think anyone should be trying to cheer him up. I hope nobody is today. He's the one who left. He should be happy with his decision.

Anyway, I'm home now, eating my cake. I was hoping to be eating the top tier of my wedding cake with him today (it's in my mom's freezer), but eating this cake in memory of Andrew is far more worthy of my time.

<small>[ October 25, 2004, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Also, it dawned on me today that I still have feelings for my H, I just don't love him anymore. Maybe deep down I still do, but it's covered with so many feelings of pain and resentment that I can't feel it anymore.

Well, for anybody who has high speed internet I wanted to share a little bit of my wedding memories. That's all they are now... Still it's what was on my mind yesterday.

Pyramid video

Ours is the first one. I hope watching it doesn't upset anyone. I just needed to share it with someone.