Well WW moved out offcially yesterday morning. It was a nice but rough week. WW was more affectionate in letting me hugg her and kiss her. I had actually thought i was making a little progress with her and possibly making her forget a little about OM. WW states that she needs to do this to find herself. States that her brain is all messed up. WW admitted last week that she feels she may have some selfesteem issues and this maybe ther reason why she felt she might have started to drift towards others. Encouraged WW to seek counseling on her own, to deal with her issues. WW stated that this is something she is going to do once settled into her apt. Again felt very close to WW this past weekend until Sun. night when i had asked where she stood with OM. WW still has not given this up. States i don't want to talk about this because you will not like what you will hear. i told her that i cannot compete with OM and shouldn't have to. Basically told her that maybe we should start a plan B. Surprisingly she agreed. I have not sent the plan B letter yet. I am a little afraid in the fact that this will push her further away from me. Although i know at present this could lead her to sit on the fence and cake eat. She adamently states that she is not doing that or going to do that,but as we all know actions will speak louder than her words. I have told her that i think this whole move is to find out what her and Om have and if it doesn't work out she knows she has me. She states no this isn't it and this wouldn't be fair to you. States that she needs to get away from this sit. for a little bit to clear her head, yet when i ask her to do this with Om not in the picture she pretty much states no on this.
Yesterday rolled around first day she was gone. I didn't call her all day. Got home from work actually went running has been a while since i did that and my kids called. They are spending first week with WW. Kids called stated that they loved me and missed me and went on about they did that day. I guess i made the mistake in asking my son if WW wanted to talk. My son asked and WW said she did. Started out talking about the kids. Then went back into the relationship talk. WW started to get upset and stated that she wasn't going to do this everytime we called. I got a little testy and said alright fine i will talk to you later and we disconnected. I felt bad and called her back and left a message basically appologizing and again reitterating my love for her and my hopes and prayers for us for the future. WW called back a few mins. later and thanked me for the message. Also stated that she was not closing the door or chapter on us. Somewhat agreed to possibility of future reconciliation. (probably only somewhat d/t Om still in picture)
I don't know would like to get through this first week with out sending plan B letter but I am also afraid as time goes on she will get used to this being on her own and not want to come back. I don't know maybe she is playing me this whole time. Using me as her safty net. I pretty much told her this and she of course denies that this is what she is doing.
WW states that deep down in her heart she does still love me and i think hopes that we can come together again and have a better marriage.
Am i being set up as the safety net? What are the chances that this seperation thing backfires and she either enjoys being on her own, or relationship with OM gets heavier? I hate this this is something that i really never wanted.
My plan is now to find out within the next two weeks how far she goes with OM being on her own and if all these things she says to me now show signs of fading ,Send the plan B letter and try my best to stick with it.
WW last week stated in all honesty she not sure how things will pan out with her and OM. I asked what did she mean, she said something like well now that it is getting down to the wire,she didn't know. This was prior to the move out.
Left yesterday, stating she stilled loved me and wants to do the best and right thing for this family and us, but needs this time away to sort things out in her head.
Am i being set up as the fool or old clunker that she can come back too???
Need encouragement or anything.
jets

jets....

you don't discuss plan B...with a WS....ever..till it is layed out in plan b letter...and the letter is self explanatory...

I suggest you steep up plan a for a few weeks..

NO relationship talk...

happy happy charming you is all she sees of you....

then plan B letter
cold turkey...

plan b can not and does not make a WS do anything...cause you can't make him or her do anything...

it is always their choice...

here is the swarmy lighthouse post.....
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Your spouse is in huge conflict....

the good news is and the truth is that they are totally incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now...

the competition we believe that exist with the OP is a shallow empty reflection of Gods light in this world...

It is empty and lonely no matter how good the rush

their actions are actions that they themselves do not like in themselves right now....though the need to go back again again and attempt to prove themselves wrong or right is strong...they do not like what they are doing...

their actions towards you, the children, the OP, and themselves...keep them from engaging in any type of real interactions...with real depth and truth

all they offer are misguided attempts to fill the void that has appeared in their life...
yet the filling is way too fleeting to sustain them and the truth is with them each night he or she lays down regardless of whom is next to them....

they are the living cliche..of no matter where you go to hide...there YOU are...

he or she is lost to themselves...

and you stand at that point of being the lighthouse home....even though they create the waves that block their vision from seeing that...

You become the lighthouse..you fill your home with light, calmness and sanctuary...

see just visualize yourself as a lighthouse...

Your offer them glimpses into that sanctuary at every chance you get...
you invite them towards it...let them know it is there as much as you can in a most subtle way....

they are untrustable right now...
but you know that...so they can't hurt you right now...they will spend great energy to convince others differently...but you know better...

you show the path by also protecting the children from their painful actions.....
set clear boundaries that the OP is not part of your childrens lives....
without lovebusting...
offer alternatives that let them see the children...but be clear that the OP is to have no access to them...
you fill the childrens lives with stability....they deserve it and need it more than anything else....

Do not discuss and or powerstruggle with them on irrational movements...seek out and validate the rational ones with lots of praise for when he or she chooses correctly....

your spouse is very lonely and sad right now..but that is OK...no one can stay very long in that chaos...it is wearisome to the soul...
and remove yourself from any aspect of participating or adding to the chaos...and eventually they will see that you are the only one...who stood with clarity and reason when they needed it most...


be the lighthouse....
OK that's really out there I know....

strength to you all..
ARK

Thanks for the response and encouragement Ark,
So let me know if i am getting this right.
Continue with plan A for a few more weeks, no relationship talk, just showing her that i can be a good person, which i have been, and then go send out Plan B letter and go cold turkey, if Om and her are still in the picture?
I have not really talked in detail with her about Plan B but have mentioned in course of our talks that maybe we need to break with each other and only talk about things with relations to the kids. Have advised her at times that she should start talking with OM with regards to her personal happennings during the day and only with me with regards to anything that happens with the kids. She somewhat has agreed, but so far even though it has been one day i have broken that.
Ark i hope your right that she is in a major conflict along with her emotions and i hope this does reflect off of her when she is with OM. Maybe she will not look so appealing to him, if he see's she is having the same issues she is showing with me. I will never know this for sure though.
I have discussed with her and she agrees that we are limited the exposure to Om when she has the kids. In seperation papers filed. No one that is not blood relation is to be in the apt. the week she has the kids. I have also suggested to her that it is probably not a good idea to meet up with him for dinner when she has kids, told her i don't think it is good for kids to continually be exposed to affair relationship. She agreed and stated that she is not planning on shoving OM on kids right now. I told hopefully never.
So i guess i should cont. to be myself,but no relationship talk with WW and let her see i am the lighthouse to come back too.
I know i will see Ww again before end of week, Should i cont. with the hugging and the I love u's if she is looking for it or should i just stop with this stuff to protect myself.
It is confusing at times on what to do and i keep getting so much advice from everyone including people at work that it is hard for me to process what i want to or the way i am going about things is the right way.
I am too easily influence from outside sources, my WW knows this and probably is playing this herself. I have told counselor that this is one thing i want to work on while we are separated to be more confident in my decisions and not to be so easily swayed.
jets

Jets,

My fww moved out to an apt with OM...she didn't want our kids there with OM at all, in fact she didn't want the kids to even know she moved out (lol) ... I think the hesitency over the kids knowledge of OM is a good thing on your side. However, I just don't see how you think you get to set any rules over her actions right now, you don't...if she wants another man in her apt, it's gonna happen. The good thing is that she doesn't seem to want the kids to see it...meaning she has some small sense of up from down. Yes, imo, you are being played right now. You paying for the apt?

My biggest regret is that I didn't just straight up plan b my wife when she moved out, but, I had not yet plan a'd so, I had to show her I could change. I did it for 3 months, then, the switch was about to be thrown. She knew the day things would change from my side, and no more lies would be told. She came home that night. Supposebly for 'different' reasons, but the fact still stands, on the night I said, this will be the end of this way of life, she came home. That is a choice to come home on HER part. I keep telling myself this on my down days, or my comparison days...she chose me. She could have stayed in that apartment. That is why plan b is so important, imo. It gives the BS a bit of comfort, a choice for you has been made, the other life wasn't better. Sure maybe little portions were, but, overall, the life with you was better.

I would really recommend you go to a plan b. Stop any talk between you and her. Your kids may even help drive home the absence of you, the father, by the presence of OM...they may behave terribly towards this OM, and force more distance between them. You can't encourage this, they will just have to do it on their own for it to work. Your best move would be to pray for it.

I see lots of little things in your post that says she plans on coming back to you eventually, but just has so much shame, it's easier to be out of the house with OM than to face the consequences right now. All I think you can do is plan b, and force the ending of the affair more quickly, by making it taste sour. If you plan a right now, you just encourage the current situation.

rook..

I guess my biggest problemo with going to plan B when the WS moves out..is that it appears to be more a knee jerk reaction....then what plan B really is...

plan B is the soft statement...
that I have had enough chaos
I will no longer tolerate being part of a triangle...
I will not concern myself with what my WS does or does not do...
I will be here living my life...and enjoying it...
with hopes that will want to join me soon...


plan B works only when preceded by plan A
the better the plan A the better plan B is the reality of their actions and choices....

I whole heartedly agree with no I love yous
no hugs iniated by you...

ARK

Thanks RK,
I know for sure OM will not be in apt. with kids, d/t this is legalized in our separation papers. True she will probably have him over there 4 nights out of the week that she does not have kids, which will kill me but i am not going to think about that, but she knows about our agreement and i will have resources as much as i don't want to use my kids in this sit. They have been told by me to let me know while they are there if OM comes into apt. Dont' think WW is that decieving and back stabbing anyways especially when it comes to best interest of our kids.
I was initially going to plan B her and letter to her the day she moved out, but with halloween comming up i know i will have to see her again for the kids and i want them to have a good night and not have to see us not talking much with each other. So i may send her the letter next week. This will be hard to do but and hard for me to stick with, advised my counselor and he said he thought was a good idea but stated u must stick with it and he knows this will be hard for me, but if i don't basically all it will be to WW are words on paper.
I guess i am being played and will probably really see this next week when i have kids and she is free to see OM whenever she wants.
I hope and pray that this relationship will fizzle out with her and OM and hope that plan B will speed that up. It is just hard to see that now. It seems more right now like it will do the opposite,drive WW and OM closer together.
jets

ark, and I agree, plan a comes before plan b. It would appear jets plan a'd for a few months minimum and hopefully, did it successfully. Plan a, to me, shows the ability to change in the BS. It really ain't gonna win a WS back home, by that point, its too late...

Plan B. Let's face it, it protects the BS sanity, it gives us some sort of respect, and it hopefully scares the jebeezus out of the WS. It also hopefully can protect what tiny shard of love the BS has left for the WS...

I see jets spot is tough, because they have a legal separation in place. Any time lawyers, or official documents are in place, it is a terrible sign. It means the threat of legal action is gone. I'm curious, who pushed for the legal papers jets? And did the other go begrudgingly? I can't believe you got it in paper to have 'rules' at her apartment. I gotta say, I think your lawyer is pretty crafty, a good sign. So, what happens if she breaks the rules? You get full custody? Permanently?

Well, I'm not saying sow your oats right now, by any means...and don't play games. However, I think you should try to find a way to go out. Have some friends with you that will hold you accountable, but right now...well, it's a good thing for you to go out, and see you are a strong, desirable man. Having other women look at you or hit on you isn't sinning...encouraging them or responding to them is. When you start seeing you are that strong man you were back in your 20's (if you don't feel that way now, and if you do, please tell me your trick), I think you will get back a certain swagger that probably attracted your wife to you in the first place. It also will probably make your plan b a bit easier, as you can see a new life down the road that isn't the misery of sitting around the house that alot of the plan b'ers see in front of them. Plan B can really free you from alot of the pain, I believe...based on what I have read here.

Quick story... when fww came home, we went out alot, and still do, but it has scaled back due to finances...when she came home, I made a decision to throw finances to the wind, and pay the piper later, as going out was 'fun' and eased the withdraw. We went out to a dinner bar type place, to watch a sports game then go catch a movie...I was getting eyeballed pretty vigorously by a very nice looking gal, who obviously had a surgical supplement <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... well, fww responded quite angrily, saying she was about to go get in the gals face if she didn't quit looking me over. I was acutally oblivious to it all, my back was to the gal...but, my wife was all over it. I didn't say anything, but sat there agasp amongst the irony of it all. Not once did I ever confront the OM in our situation. Perhaps I should have just rolled up on him...but, this would have been against what I was trying to achieve, so I didn't. Anyways, that little instance, well...it really helped to see myself for an attractive guy again, and to see my wife upset over anothe gal even looking at me, it brought some comfort. -- then there was the whole Christmas shopping trip and the girl that tried on the pair of jeans I was looking at for my wife...she just dropped her pants, bam, thong only...I pratically ran out of the store after I bought the pants (had been without SF for quite a long time at that point and not sure if I was gonna run out of the store or into the dressing room with her!)

Well, hopefully you find something that gives you a better feeling amongst all of this. Hang in there. Holler if you want some more help/advice/encouragement.

ROOK...

Definitely agree with the looking confidant...
dressing sharp aspects...

jet needs to really look at exactly how his wife expects to react right now...

if she is expecting...needy, clingy, emotional jets...then give her the exact opposite....

pick the kids up...
looking good....new aftershave...

do something in the house...
paint the kids room...
have a friend painting party....

have an autumn party...
call and ask where is that old fondue pot...
then say thanks dear..gotta go...

peak her attention....

fill the house with laughter and joy...
celebrate the family that is there...


I am not saying no to plan b...
I'm saying show her three weeks of jets thriving and enjoying life then cut her off...
be done....

think jets how and what she is expecting from you right now...
and do the opposite...

ark

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 11:58 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

Oh yeah, there is nothing that gets the attention of a WS like seeing the BS looking great and appearing like moving on with his/her life. Check out 7 Powerful Tactics to Break Free From The Affair and Stop it NOW! and 12 Unattractive, Ugly, Typical Tact...he Affair and Guarantee Their Own Misery. The more you show her that you are emotionally strong and that you do not NEED her, the more she will find you an attractive man.

Rook,
Basically WW pushed for the separation papers, but more for the fact that she felt because she was having the affair that i might possibly use this against her in the future and file for full custody of our kids. I have advised her many times that i would never do this but i guess she still had that fear. I chose the lawyer d/t better rate through my company, but i have been begrudginly going along with this. WW sort has herself, she has several times thrown out that "just because we are seperated legally doesn't mean that this has to go to a divorce."
In VA u have to be separated for one year before you can file for divorce, a good thing i feel. Eliminates a lot of knee jerk reaction. Basically though with our sep. agreement everything has been amicable, joint and split down middle. Her income is her, mine is mine.
She is funding for her own apt. She will literally be living paycheck to paycheck as her rent is as much is my mortgage right now, plus utilities. We are both medical professionals so i do make a little more than her but we are pretty much on same salary level with this.
Rook there are times i see my old wife back, like all last week and this weekend, then soon as OM comes into subject she goes back to Alien.
I know and sense in her heart that she wants to work things out for us and bring us back together, but she is either too scared or too addicted to giving up the feelings she has for OM. This is why it is so confusing on how she could still have feelings for OM when she is telling me that she loves me and really wants to do what is best for us and family. She was even kissing me last weekend and week and allow me to do this. She at times last week would break down out of no where and hugg me tightly and say just don't give up on me, just don't give up on me, I love you! In which i would reply that i havent and that ILU to and always have. So her emotions and thoughts are definitely conflicting with her, but she still entertains the thought of her and OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She was and probably still is calling him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Don't really see how this person will be able to meet all her needs. He can't he has only known her for a little over 9mo. i have known WW for 20 years. He can't compete. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but it kills me to have to sit here and watch this play out and hope it plays out in my direction.
Been trying to tell my self to get involve with other things have even occs. looked at other woman, but really have no desire right now to pursue any of that, beside no one really looking at me anyways.
This will be a tough week and it will be tough to debate on sending plan B letter. I have it written and in envelope awaiting to be sent. Just don't know what to do yet. Again don't want to further scare her into the relationship with OM,but i don't want to be the old dependable clunker neither, have told her this.
jets

Jets just popping in for a minute, like always. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The more you show her that you are emotionally strong and that you do not NEED her, the more she will find you an attractive man.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothing attractive about a needy, pathetic man. I mean that in the nicest way. Seeing you weak, is a LB. She needs to see you strong and together. TMCM is right.

(((JETS)))

KY

I guess, most importantly, you need to try and be who you want to be right now. If you want to be the family man, then start acting that way...ultimately,, if you want to feel she is chosing you for you, then behave as you want to become. Sure, you will mess up, but, at least you will fall away from what you are striving for, and not imitating who you want to be. Amongst that, you can plan a. Plan a actions can be maintained even during a plan b. You are showing her the greatest love of all, by knowing she is in an affair, and yet, chosing her even through it, and not betraying her in the process. Yes, legal separation is drastic, but, like she said, not the end point necessarily. Now, WHY do you think she is baiting you with this? If she is financially capable, and a competent mother...and all of the stuff... why string you along? The grass ain't greener, it just has a different flavor, but eventually, t-bone steak is t-bone steak, and pizza is pizza, both can taste good for a time, but, t-bone is still prime and can feed you daily! You are the t-bone.

You might just tell yourself now...she is coming home eventually. And play your life out like that, knowing her intent. It makes some days really hard, because the betrayal feels so much more intense...this is what I suffered through..but, I had the end goal in mind. Those days, when my wife sensed that I knew something she didn't...it shook her. hehe. What do you know about OM? What can be played to your benefit, not against your wife, but in the OM's life? Any thing you can use right now...I say tactfully stage for it. Like, in football, if a cornerback goes down, doesn't the opposing team immediately throw that direction? Is that cheating? No, it's playing the game smartly, and to win. Just be careful how you push the limits of the rules.

Thanks,Ark,KY and Rook
Om is in navy and i thought at one time i would report him to his command but when WW found this out she nearly begged me not to do this, because it would ruin his career and this whole mess is mostly her fault. I am not that type of person and i believe in Karma so this whole mess will come back to bite him in some way or form. I am not going to contribute to that.
I know he has 4 kids that do seem to take up a lot of his time, and he lives on the ship. Personality i don't know much of other than the fact that he has been stroking WW ego and making her feel good with what he says to her. She really doesn't go into much detail on what they talk about, nor do i really want to know. I do know though that she has not mentioned any of the things she feels for me to him. I guess that would probably scare him away. He is recently divorced now ofc. for him in aug. and so far from what i have seen he has slightly disappointed her or at least i think, in the fact that he only keeping half his words. EX he was to show up one night to help her move boxes, he didn't show up for almost 2 hours later and WW moved all boxes herself and he only stayed for 20mins. This happen second time too except he did help her move a few boxes. Last week when big furniture was to be moved. He met her at apt. WW was expecting him to bring friends along with him as per told by him but it was just him and they struggled a little to get furntiure in apt.
So far that is all i really know, he still talks with her on Cell inbetween work and picking up our kids. How often i don't know.
Trying not to get too wrapped up in that d/t she is out of house now this is her business, and not my concern, plus it saves my sanity.
jets

Rook reread your reply,
Is being the T-bone a good thing for me or not?
If i am the T-bone, should i take some of her T-bone so she will grave it ??? Being the T-bone means that she needs me??
probably over analyzing this way too much!!!

LOL.

T-Bone for me is my favorite food. If I had to eat something everyday for the rest of my life, it would be T-Bone...I still really like having pizza, but, not what I would choose. That was more the point.

Yes, not having what you really like tends to emphasize missing it. That is the whole EN's concept, and how plan B magnifies that to the WS.

I think you and I are alot alike in how we analyze the situation. You are a step further in the legal separation...how long ago did that happen? Did it happen shortly after the OM's divorice went through? I think if so, you might notice she was trying to vie for his affections by making her intentions 'appear' very drastic and permanent. Perhaps his divorice came from her pushing him even, I don't know. I know, when I was in the midst of it all personally, I made every excuse for my wife verbally, but internally believed the worse. I don't know that reporting this guy to his CO would really have any effect on him, I don't think so...but, I don't know. I was in the Navy, and I don't think it would have mattered, probably only if the BS or WS was also in the military. You might ask some questions about it though, so that you know. If it would hurt his career, honestly, at what point you are at, legally separated, I would make use of that in about 2-3 months. Honestly, if the OM getting in trouble is what makes or breaks your ww's mind on this, well...you would just find yourself in alot of hurt down the road in a bit...however, if having him in trouble can help you maintain NC for any period of time, it might help break the fog. I know at the point of fighting, I would have done a whole lot of things to win my wife back, and she knew that was what was about to happen.

All I can tell you is this. The way that my wife behaved, and I responded has left me with quite a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm not sure I could have done it any differently, and it seems to have done it's job. I do wonder if another way would have created a smoother path now, and I think a more upfront plan b would have done that.

Let me also say, whatever you do, I personally believe you should spend some serious time in prayer, asking for God to guide you towards your decsion, and to give you comfort that whatever path you take, you can rest assured that you are following what He wants from you. That ultimately, is what I did in my situation, and why I plan a'd for the 3 months I did, knowing what she was doing...because I felt God wanted me to do it at that time.

Hey Rook,
Our seperation isn't offcially legal yet. We have filled out the paper work and at this time is being legally written up in which i will be called in in a few weeks to review it and sign it if i am agreement with everything.
Om was actually seperated at the time met WW back in Jan. He had basically picked WW up online. Something WW has had some problems with in the past. WW acknowledging this now. Again part of the low self esteem thing. WW would talk with other men on line and of course they would talk with her and say things to her to make her feel good. This last Dude was the first time she took it past the internet phase.
Om is a Senior CPO in Navy with 20yrs. in. owes about 25% of his retirement to is wife and i am sure pays her child support, he is living on the ship. I still entertain the thought of reporting him, but i have had some say it would only get him a slap on the wrist and other say that it would make his job a little more unpleasent for him. I am still debating this. I guess I would have to start at the Jag ofc. If WW found out though i don't think she would ever forgive me, for possibly ruining this guys career, but tech. he has kind of ruined my life and it would probably scare him away from WW. I have still not ruled it out as a option.
WW and i decided seperation a few weeks ago after i discovered that she recontacted Om. Thought we where recovering but probably wheren't. WW suggested that we seperate at that time, this was end of Sep. She had been slowly moving her stuff out up to MON. Some suggested that this was a sign that she really didn't want to go and was dragging her feet. I partially can believe this d/t how emotional she had become as the time neared. But even through all this and admitting she scared and for me not to give up on her and how she still loves me, she still proceeded to go and will not take OM out of her life even though she knows that is what she has to do for us to work. Too afraid of the pain of withdrawal i guess, Who knows?
Don't know how much good reporting Om to command would do now that we are almost legal in our seperation, which like i said before really only came up as a issue with custody of our kids.
jets

HMMM.

Ok, afraid she won't forgive you because you turned him in. Uhm, did you ever think a year or two ago you would forgive your wife for having an affair? Things tend to look alot different once they become a reality. As you know.

Don't fall prey to her tactics. Choose your course, and of course, be flexible, but, don't waver on things that you know are right or wrong. Remember, this site talks very much about revealing the affair being the beginning of the end.

Rook just got off phone with my attorney
Attorney's Husband in Navy,I asked her if reporting him would do any good. She basically said no especially with his rank, stated it might ruin his career, but basically said all command is really going to say is it is a domestic issue and we cannot get involve. She also said bottom line it may not prevent him from still seeing WW and she would be P.O. with me. After informing her of update on WW actions and comments about her uncertainty with OM. Attorney stated best thing to do right now is let it run it's course which sounds like it might be comming to a head.
Got to go with what attorney said, i guess for now. I have exposed this affair to enough people. WW will most likely live with a scarlet letter around her next for rest of her life with family and friends. Kind of feel bad i did this to her, but I wanted to make sure people knew the truth. Hopefully in time if we ever get back together others will forgive her and let this fade.
I have done a lot of praying and cont. to do so for us.
I know this is a reason for everything in life and why it happens. Maybe this is a whole grand plan from God to make our marriage stronger. I like to think that it is, but I may or may not ever find this out or it could or could not be the reason
jets

stated it might ruin his career
So it's better to ruin your marriage?

all command is really going to say is it is a domestic issue and we cannot get involved
Doubtful if this is all they would say, since he is with a married person, not his wife.

best thing to do right now is let it run it's course which sounds like it might be comming to a head.
If it looks like it's going to end, let it sit. I'd give it a month. If they are still together, then I would go straight to the Judge Advocate General at his station.

Get your ducks lined up now (evidence - dates, times, places, etc) and be prepared to give this to them.
Maybe this is a whole grand plan from God to make our marriage stronger.
Please don't dis-illusion yourself. Yes, this siutation could be used to make your marriage stronger but it is not from/by/because of God. God does not bring others into a sacred covenant between Him and the married couple.

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>