Well she finally did it. She left today. I invited her for dinner last night and she ended up spending the night. No relationship talk at all. She left me the following note

Dearest Hopefulinnc,
I enjoyed last night and this morning, too. I apologize. I know I should not have been here but it is the only place I wanted to be. So comforting. I have CPE and will be back in a couple of weeks, if not before. So this is not goodbye. As I've already told you, you will always be a part(important part!) of my life.

WW

She also left her cell phone number.

She told me last night that OM had dumped her. As it happens, OM's wife called me this morning and said her husband has said the same thing to her as well.

Just got a call from my wife. She left for Atlanta and DD called and is having a cervical biopsisy for abnormal cells on Thursday. So wife told me that she is driving home tomorrow and then to DC tomorrow to be with daughter.

I am at this point not too concerned about DD but what do you think about my wife. I think she doesn't want out of this family. But damn I hate being the second choice.

Hopeful - I don't think you will be the second choice for long. Your wife if just having a hard time getting her head on staight.

I think that she signed everything over to you speaks volumes. She knows she is making bad decisions.

Hang in there, and keep your home welcoming and cozy.

Believer, thanks for replying. I am heart broken at the moment butyet hopeful for the future. My wife is going to DC tomorrow to be with DD during her biopisy. She has always been an outstanding Mom and now is no different. I want her to find peace and happiness even if that means I am not in her life. Right now she is hurting.

hopeful,

I always like to read when a WS 's A is so contrary to the moral and ethical standards that have been their guideline for their entire lives. The return to those standards is infinitely easier then a someone whose actions have always been based on lies and deceptions.

I feel very positive in regards to your situation and our prayers and thoughts are with you.

Cymanca, thanks for replying. I have been following your story as well. It is amazing what they do isn't it. I love the picture you had in your office. What poetic justice. I feel for you as well. I haven't seen an update on situation of late. Did the D go thru?

I am like you a hopeful person. My wife is exhibiting good qualities when she reverses her course to be with our daughter. She is a good woman who just lost her way. Maybe a mid life crisis. I had mine at 30 so I know this is life. It is not a fantasy but real life.

hinc:

If the OM really "dumped her", then a critical boundary has been reached.

Plan A was 2 negotiate the end of the A. It doesn't matter how a bad idea ends, just that it ends. Now, you should be looking for signs that your W is interested in keeping the family 2gether and coming home.

You need a plan and a timeframe 2 deal with the latest change in your si2ation.

best,
-ol' 2long

HINC,

Ok I give, what is a CPE? It is good that she is going to be with your Daughter. Make sure you call your daughter often and talk with her. She needs all of the support she can get.

I have this feeling that your W is about to be exposed to the things that are really really important in life...perhaps for the first time. I am thinking it will cause some deep introspection on her part.

When you call your daughter if W answers the phone inquire as to how she is doing as well. I am sure you are thinking of doing that but I just wanted to confirm this would be a good idea.

Hang in there HINC.

God Bless You and your Daughter,

JL

JL, CPE is the accounting equivalent of professional development hours for engineers. CPAs have to get 40 hours of training each year to remain CPAs.
I have a call into my daughter now. I am concerned but not frantic at this point. We need to see what the test show. It could be nothing. What do you think of the wife's note?

HINC,

I really don't think it indicates anything one way or another. The "you will always be an important part of my life" bit is pretty normal for someone dumping an another. As for the this is not "goodbye" well, she is right you two have children together. Frankly, it is simply a note in my eyes.

Let's see what the actions are in the next few weeks and months. Right now I think it is steady as she goes for you. The focus should be on your daughter and your sons. I know it will be.

I am not saying that there will not be a positive outcome, I am just not good at reading tea leaves and entrails, and frankly to me that is all the note said. It was polite and called for on her part, but I don't think it indicates anything at this point.

Must go.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with 2long and JL. You must change your tactics a little, since OM may have ran for cover. Of course who knows, they may be just laying low for awhile.

However I still think your wife is not the typical WS. Most go for the jugular, and try to get as much as they can from the BS. So I will give your wife points there.

It is good that she will be supportive of your daughter. Hopefully, it will turn out to be nothing to worry about.

So keep your boundaries, but also let your wife know that she has a place with you (where she should be) when she is over the OM.

All in all, I'm very optimistic about your marriage.

Believer, you quite the opitimist. Thanks for replying. Like JK said lets see actions instead of just words.

Hopeful -

I just see your wife as being much different than most WS's. She has tried to be fair with you, is still interested in her kids. That is unusual when you start reading the horror stories here.

I think she is unhappy within herself, and it may be a midlife crisis type of thing.

You have done very, very well so far. Continue on and remember, women like strong (but kind) men.

HINC,

How are you doing?

JL

JL and others, I am doing OK. Just got back from a weekend with my son in Florida. The weekend before that I was in DC and spent the weekend with my daughter. My message to both of them was 1. I never cheated on your Mother 2. I did everything I could do to save this marriage.
They both said they understood. Other than that message the separation was not discussed.
I was in Florida Monday morning and the phone rang, my son had just left for work so I answered. It was my wife. After saying hello a couple of times she asked if I had heard from youngest son, who is in college. I said I have talked to him a couple of times. She then asked how I got there and i responded that I flew. She asked when i was coming home and I said today. Another long pause, and I said I've got to go and said see ya. I did discover that OM has sent her more money just recently. But other than that all has been quiet at home. I am trying to stay busy and so far I have been successful. The house is awfully quiet at night but at least I don't see OM cell number on my caller ID.

bump

Hopeful - Good to hear from you again. You are doing fine, just hang in there. It is hard when you are first without your partner, but does get much easier.

I started getting out and doing things, and over time, have developed a life without my WH. Now I found out that he and OW have split up. WH wants to meet and talk with me, but I don't want him back anymore. I'm enjoying my life without him.

I still think your wife will be back, but whatever happens, you can have a nice life again.

Believer, thanks for the reply. Yes the house is very quiet but no OM number on my caller ID. I saw your posts and I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't know how you went 22 months without being held. I don't know if I am man enough to do that. I may have to. Don't be so hard on yourself. When does it start to get better?

It gets better as soon as you go on with your life. I wasted waaaaayyyyyyyy too much time sitting around crying.

When I figured out that my WH was not going to give me anything, I started getting better. I knew that I had to take care of me.

I don't think your wife will be gone that long. My problem is that WH was gone so long, that I have a whole new life without him.