</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tummytuck:
<strong> You don't need to justify your actions but you seem to want someone to say "great idea Shul - go for it". It seems a bizarre solution so I don't think you'll get much support. Sorry, TT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Letting H have his cake and eat it too whenever he wants does not seem very healthy for you or your D. Why do you think this will somehow be good for D? Why do you think settling for this consolation prize is worth it?

Personally I would set timeframes and force myself to adhere, no wavering.

I also agree with ARK, he can be a father without being a H, maybe you should focus on that for a while?

Lastly,and I say this not to be cruel but meaninful...

OW may feel it's perfectly fine to be treated like a piece of meat, leave her to her own demise if you cannot stop him, but why join them in this garbage. Don't lower your standards to keep a man of low standards.

Stay Strong

Shul,

I wasn't going to respond to any more of your posts because they are so sad.

I know I have told you this before and you probably don't see the similarities, but I chose my daughter over her dad the day she was born. I knew we were both basically good people but not right for each other, (he is a musician and quite the ladies man) and our relationship was very unhealthy. I forced him to be a dad, I used to follow him with the baby and make him take her and as I told you I even forced myself on stage when he was playing to demand money for baby things. I was relentless until he got the picture and becames as attached to our daughter as I was. I even took him to the delivery with me even though I knew OW was waiting for him to get done with "us". Eventually he wanted me back to as a family, but I had moved on and couldn't be anything other than a friend and co-parent at that point.

Anyway my point his, you have the power to see to it that your daughter has a "real" dad. A relationship apart from yours and his relationship, and she deserves this.
A dad and mom who loves her seperately from each other and completely in her own right and relationship to them.

You can do this for her, and it just might work out that you get your WH back full time. But first end your relationship with him so he can find his relationship with her. You be the mom on the sidelines for awhile figuring out ways to get your daughter her dad full time. Put your energy there, as a mother that is where it belongs right now.

He might just become very attached to both of you, through her. Or you might get to a place where you are ready to move on, but your daughter has her dad.

I hope this makes sense, I'm not very good at saying things sensibly.

If I could do it even being the mess I was back then, than so can you.