Girl! Yup, the OW is having a girl! Here's how we know...H hasn't seen or talked to OW in 3 weeks. He had to go to THE nursing home today to round. He called me when he got there and said "her car is in the parking lot, what should/do you want me to do?" I paused and thought Well, that's a no brainer....He said that he had to work and it was inevitable that he was going to run into at some point. I asked him if he felt comfortable going in there knowing he was about to see her? I also asked him if he felt comfortable enough to go in there and then be able to come home and still love ME! He said yes he could. sooooo....

In he goes. He got several pages while he was in there in which case I had to call him to let him know about them..remember I am carrying the pager with me now. When he answered the phone he was still lovey to me and cheerful. I asked him how it was going and he said "OK"...I asked him if she told him the sex of the baby and he said "yes, it's a girl" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I got real quiet...he aked me if I was ok and I said NO...I said "that is supposed to be MY girl" and he said "dont worry, it might still be yours"...he assured me everything was ok and that he still loved me.

He called me when he left the NH and asked again if I was ok. I told him I wasn't, that it bothered me that he saw her and that he talked to her and he was in the same room as her. He assured me again that it was ok. He said he was going to come home and make me feel better!

When will the trust come back. We have been doing GREEEEAAAT! but then BAM!!! One step forward two steps back. I dont know how he feels about seeing her...I mean REALLY feels. He may say he feels fine, but on the inside it might really be bothering him. What if he feels like he has to go back and just wont tell me?

I know he is going to read this and probably get mad at me...or not...I just feel very insecure right now. I hate that woman!

(((((MT3B))))))

I know how you feel sweetie. If you need ANYTHING, I'm here.

- Kimmy

(((((M23B)))))

I think this is so very normal! Of course you feel insecure and scared mad. That's OKAY!

Let D23B reassure you and comfort you. I think he will do everything he can to do that. Really, I do.

You're probably going to have these bumps for a while, honey. Expect them and deal with them and let him help get you over the bridge.

I can imagine that the fact it's a girl is making this even worse, but remember that he IS with you, you ARE working on your marriage and HE LOVES YOU.

Of course he does! You're awesome!!

And hey, I hate her for you too!

FIM

just courious what does he mean the girl still might be yours?

Also I am so sorry about your pain right now. I do not know what you are feeling, but I can imagine. How horrible for you really. I am so very sorry. Another women having your H's baby, I do not think I could handle it. I too have 3 boys and if the OW got the girl I would be crushed, I love my boys but I want a girl. Ya know.

You know Mom, I would be okay if I saw other man. I would not want to be with him, it would not fester up feelings, I would still love and want to be with my H. (maybe he truly is okay)

Like, you, my H would be a mess. He would be wondering all the same things you are. Gosh, of course you are insecure with the idea and the fact that it happened. You would be insecure had you been right beside him with her in the room too.

Dad better not get mad, it is understandable. How lovely that he wants to come home and make you feel better. What a sweet gesture. I hope he stops and buys you chocolates on the way home.

((mom))

Kyellow

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Another women having your H's baby, I do not think I could handle it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's a hard road. But with all the losses, God's given me gains to make up for it. Mom, grieve and mourn now (it's allowed, you know), so that when mija comes you can be the best mom you can be for her.

Love ya, hon!

(((((((((M23B)))))))))


HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> just courious what does he mean the girl still might be yours?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WE are going to try to get full custody of the child when it is born...that is all he meant by that statement. It is all so fresh, our heads are spinning. I KNOW dad still loves me...I can hear it in his voice. and he is home now...write more later...

thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I said "that is supposed to be MY girl" and he said "dont worry, it might still be yours"...he assured me everything was ok and that he still loved me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to admit that concerned me too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WE are going to try to get full custody of the child when it is born...that is all he meant by that statement. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why? Because the OW is a mad mother...or because YOU want a girl to go with your 3 boys?

You have to know that is the WRONG reason...and IMHO henious. I liken it to you literally "stealing" that child because it is simply a girl, and you don't have one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am hoping that I am wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

committed

Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
[/QUOTE]Why? Because the OW is a mad mother...or because YOU want a girl to go with your 3 boys?

You have to know that is the WRONG reason...and IMHO henious. I liken it to you literally "stealing" that child because it is simply a girl, and you don't have one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am hoping that I am wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

committed[/QUOTE]

You have GOT to be kidding me?? Are you serious in this statement that I would want a girl to go with my three boys and then say that I would STEAL the OW's baby from her...you are kidding, RIGHT? I have to just nod my head at some of the things that I read on this board.

NO, we would NOT be STEALING the baby from OW...we would be getting custody of what is HALF my H! If I REALLY wanted a girl to go with MY three boys, I dont think I would have had a hysterectomy 3 years ago. I would have waited and tried for one. But you know what I am perfectly happy with my three boys. I never wished for either sex, girl or boy, I just hoped they were healthy and they are.

WE, my H and I, want what is best for the child. And we believe that what is best for the child is raising it as our own. We have been discussing this for weeks now, if you must know. We didn't just pull this out of the sky today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Why do you think he said "it might still be yours" when I spoke with him....

I dont want the baby "just because it is a girl" I would take that child whether it be a girl or a boy and love it just as my own because it IS half my H's. And for anyone to accuse me of "stealing" it away from the OW...now that is ludicrous! UNBELIEVABLE the things I read on here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have always said that I will take the child, girl or BOY, and love it as my own. So dont go accusing ME of stealing anyone's baby. kinda like she stole my H, right! And besides that, you dont know HALF the story about this OW!

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 05:14 PM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>

I am sorry for that comment, I figured it would upset you. If I have edited it I would have.

Have you discussed the posibility of custody with the OW? How does she feel about that? Does she want to be a single mother or does she want the baby as well??

If you were to get full custody, would you cut the baby off from its biolgical mother or would you do visitation? If you do not get custody are you going to continue to have visitation or is it an all or nothing thing?

I understand your feelings, I HATE my H's OW. The only person I have ever stayed mad at. I could not imagine if she was having my H's baby. You are stronger then I am. When I was told that my H got the OW pregnant I fell down in shock and disbelief. Thanks goodness it turned out not to be true.

I have to be honest with you, what makes you think that a judge is going to just give you and your WH full custody. You should not really be expecting that, you really shouldn't. Unless there are extreme circumstances of neglect, abuse, etc. DON'T COUNT ON IT. Your M seems so "just recovered" that perhaps (just my opinion) you need to focu your efforts on your marriage and not on what is sure to be a a protracted custody battle. Yes, your H is so "wonderful now" and he is "changed" and is a "new man", but perhaps you are getting ahead of yourself here. Just my worthless .02. Good Luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

KMEJ, I was not at all mad at your comment, it was the other posters comment. We want to get custody and have the OW visit the baby, but in our hearts we do know that most judges put the baby with its biological mother. I believe, and only I believe, not my H, that this OW is unstable. I have heard the things she has said and done. I have spoken to the XBF...But that is all to be decided by the judge. We just want what is best for the child. I feel so sorry for that baby cuz I do know that the OW will use it as a pawn <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I got real quiet...he aked me if I was ok and I said NO... I said "that is supposed to be MY girl" and he said "dont worry, it might still be yours"... he assured me everything was ok and that he still loved me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said it here...that's why I asked that question.

You stated it as such mto3. I didn't just pull it out of my hat.

You have got to stop being so defensive when people ask you a SIMPLE question. That is what quickly turns the majority of your posts into a posting war. You need to respect the comments of others...and THEIR opinions if you are posting on a public forum.

Why was MY question...and MY opinion so threatening that you had to respond as you did?

Stop planning a custody battle while your MARRIAGE is still needing work.

Respectfully,
committed

I knew that you were not upset with me, I felt for you because of the attack that was launched on you.

Does the OW want the child? How old is she? Does she know how much work parenting is and it is doubled when you are a single parent? DO you think she would keep the baby to punish you H for leaving her to go back to you?

U were told OW is having a 'girl'.... by...OW? Is there another source that is credible?

Also isn't there the chance that D23b is not the father? R U going to ask for full custody AFTER paternity is estabished?

Just asking.

L.

Mom...I don't know what it is about you but you get the most off the wall comments on MB..I too shake my head in wonder...blows the mind...ignore it...

I would be willing to bet (and I never bet) that this child is bf's. I remember how she freaked when you and dad spoke with him. Why freak? Only one reason. Her secret has been exposed...

My heart breaks for you. I know it doesn't matter to you what sex this child is and I know you would be a wonderful mother to this child. Look how much love you have in your heart to survive this intact. A much lesser person would not consider the future of this child... That said, I hope the bf steps in and takes this child when it's proven to be his. Any child raised in the atmosphere she creates would suffer greatly.

Remember you already have three daughters
..daughters that you haven't met yet..daughters in law. I think too I have a son, my daughter and I just haven't met him yet. So don't let it bother you that she's having a girl..so what...

I remember those days why my h had to be around xow because of work...the clock never seems to move when you want the day to end. Hang in there. Dad's out of the fog. Focus. Focus. Focus.

I have thought about this custody thing alot and I think the child would be better off with us and with OW having liberal visitation. Will a judge see it that way? probably not but there are some circumstances at play here that need not be discussed publicly that could influence that decision. The bigger problem is that a custody battle would infuriate OW and really make things worse. I agree that right now we need to focus on us and worry about this later. The OC will be taken care of one way or another.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I got real quiet...he aked me if I was ok and I said NO... I said "that is supposed to be MY girl" and he said "dont worry, it might still be yours"... he assured me everything was ok and that he still loved me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said it here...that's why I asked that question.

You stated it as such mto3. I didn't just pull it out of my hat.

You have got to stop being so defensive when people ask you a SIMPLE question. That is what quickly turns the majority of your posts into a posting war. You need to respect the comments of others...and THEIR opinions if you are posting on a public forum.

Why was MY question...and MY opinion so threatening that you had to respond as you did?

Stop planning a custody battle while your MARRIAGE is still needing work.

Respectfully,
committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is more or less my point also. Sometimes I think the concept of "recovery" on here is so flawed (not that M23B is not recovered), but what in the world would possess someone to really attempt and take custody away from a biologiocal mother without neglect and abuse as in this case give all of the other circumstances including an OC and multiple infidelities. It is no suprise that YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE who thinks OW is crazy, and even your WH doesn't. She maybe nuts (she is at the very least a morally reprehensible person for being involved in this affair) but having your H betray you like he did (MULTPLE TIMES) should be your major worry. If I was you (and admittedly I thankfully am not) and belived in all of these MB principles then I would be pouring my energy in "recovering" my marriage and NOT using the emotional and financial resources it takes to win the kind of custody battle you are purporting to try and win. Hey, I make no judgements here. Your marriage "sounds like" it is "recovered" and your WH is a "changed man" so maybe you are the exception and you are ready for this. Good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I was at the gym today and there was some show where a woman had gotten a man to come in so that she could admit to him that she had a secret -- that she had had his child who was now 2 years old. And the paternity test proved ... the man was not the father! This on national television. Did the woman think that getting on TV to state unequivocally that the father of her child was this man would change the paternity test?

If OW is crazy enough that you don't want her to have custody, and she already has proven a willingness to cheat with a married man, the idea that the child she is carrying is not dad's is a reasonable one to consider...

Hold back a little on thoughts of having a little girl in your life. You may form an attachment to her thinking she is Dad's child when she is not. One step at a time...

Cherished
Cherished