Fellow MB'ers I'd like some advice.

It's getting to the point where I want to start dating as WW is not making any effort to fix M and I am getting very lonely. I work with males 10 hrs a day 5 days a week and am a little starved of female company / companionship. Also, WS seems to be going out a with her single friends and I hate being in PLAN B at home on my own. I am not after sex, just companionship right now. Friends are mostly married and understanably don't want to step in at this stage. As a result I don't want to lean on friends.

I have been out of the dating / flirting game for 10 years, am very rusty and a little shy by nature when in social settings.

Have any of you got strategies / books that work for meeting the opposite sex. From experience / my observations the ladies seem to have an easier time than the men in this area so I will have a bit of an up hill battle. This being the case, I was specifically looking for advice that would help me meet new friends of the opposite sex (i.e. converstation starters, places to go, how to break the ice, etc).

Any advice or pointers greatly appreciated.

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: RenaissanceMan ]</small>

RM--

First rule of thumb, if you want to get into the dating game, even for companionship, then the first rule of advice would be to divorce your wife. If you are dating while still married, then that would be an inappropriate relationship, and you've already seen what happens when one spouse has an inappropriate relationship. If you were to form one now, then, IMHO that would tantamount to a revenge A.

Legally sever ties with your wife first before going out into the dating mine field.

Starbucks........strike up conversations in line...at tables.....I struck up conversation with a buff "Chips" last night....made WH a little jealous. Not my intent...just being noisy...but I was happy with the result.

Actually experts say that you should not date or be in company of the opposite sex right now. Too vulnerable and you may mess up recovery. Can you obtain companionship with your guy friends?

I have alot of male friends and in the past few months, I have been really careful not to spend too much time with them. It is too tempting to unload my problems and then I am just going to get in too deep. So I avoid it like the plague. Groups of people are okay for me. Just a thought. SS

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: SureSurvivor ]</small>

As a matter of fact, Steve Harley addressed this topic in the newest Marriage Builders Newsletter that just came out. Are you a subscriber?

I am a long-time MB'er, and I learned a lot here, although my marriage never recovered. (I am dating again now.) I understand what you are feeling. After you are divorced (IF you divorce), then ask your questions on how to date - we'll help you. The void you are feeling now can be filled by focusing on your hobbies, and your relationships with family, friends, and God. Doing those things, and being patient, will make you a better, stronger person. Then - if you find yourself single again - you will be fighting off the eligible ladies out there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Here ya go:
4. Quick Thought...what is separation?
============================================

I am amazed at how many husbands and wives try to justify their
desire to date other people while they are separated. So, please
allow me to place the following position on the table for
discussion.

Separation is a state of marriage.

If you are separated, then you are still married. Once married,
when are you no longer married? After you are officially
divorced.

When are you officially divorced? I tend to support the idea that
you are divorced when the court judge says you are. However, some
try to argue that because they feel so emotionally detached from
their spouse (a.k.a. emotional divorce), that they are in fact
divorced except for a legal document stating otherwise. If this truly
had any basis in fact, then you must also argue that you are in fact
married when you feel emotionally attached to someone except for the
absence of a legal document indicating otherwise. Running with that
idea would have most of us pegged as being married and divorced
countless times by the time we were 18 years old.

So, is it a good idea to date someone other than your spouse when
you are separated? Let me state it another, yet the same way: Is it
a good idea to date someone other than your spouse when you are
married?

Please feel free to share your comments on this topic in the
Feedback section of the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum through
the link below.
http://marriagebuilders.com/ca/to.cgi?l=mbf-news1

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

Dating may be the wrong word.

JM - I do see your point about it being seen as the equivalent of a revenge A. I also acknowledge the dangers the dangers it may lead to.

SS - Yes, you are in pointing that out, I have read similar.

Silly posting, I must be getting the fog im my eyes right now!!!

Folks - I should have known better. DOH!!!

Faith, you are right that yes I am still married.

Again people, thanks for the gentle smack. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Dona't feel bad. I'm glad you can see through the fog now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , but it's good that you raised the topic anyway. After all, Steve Harley even wrote about it in his newsletter. We helped clear your fog, and you may have helped someone else too by asking!

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>