Even if he didn't want to have a romantic relationship with me how could he throw away our 8 year friendship without so much as a second thought? I don't understand. I have such a headache over all of this. I know we are getting divorced, but I still don't like it.

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 08:36 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

I'm sorry I don't have an answer to your question at all.
My W and I have been together since high school. Not only is she throwing me away, but her entire side of the family won't have anything to do with her if she continues in the A.
I, probably like you, just can't wrap my head around such loss.

Marisa...I wish I could answer your question because I feel the same way with my WH. He doesn't seem to care about his role as a husband or a friend. It just doesn't make sense after being best friends and lovers these past 5 years. I think because there is love involved in our marriages to WH, they feel weird/guilty/ashamed for how they have treated us. Cheating/lying/being angry are not very great qualities of a husband or a friend and I am sure they realize this. I think they must feel "lesser" when they are around us and that is why they have such a hard time confronting us, communicating to us, and most of all treating us with respect.

It sucks big time....my vision of what love is supposed to be is very distorted right now. I know I have been very sheltered from such crappy behavior...always dreamed of a fairytale marriage like my parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends have. Now look at me...my WH can justify treating me like crap and my marriage is in jeapordy. Grrr.

All I can say is that when I return to Naperthrill over the holidays, we can go out holding our heads up with dignity as we groove on the dance floor, attracting the attention of hot guys who will probably treat us better than our WH's have this past year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Have a nice evening

-K

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 30 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years, together 5 years
His Affair: 4 months last fall, ended 1/04; dropped bomb and left me 5/22/04, been separated ever since; he admits to dating, I am NOT; no divorce papers filed thank god.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I hope I will make it through the holidays. I know I can, right now I just don't want to. I used to think of him with every purchase I made, I would always add something in just for him, a little gift just for the heck of it.

I'm trying not to be upset but how can I not? I've cried more the past few days than I have in weeks. I'm talking myself out of hurting myself throughout the day. When I'm driving I feel like just stepping on the gas and closing my eyes but then I think about how happy my dad was when he bought me my car and I can't bare to wreck it. In my apartment I envision myself locking my door and doing something stupid. Then I think of how my roommate wouldn't be able to afford this place without me. I guess it's good that my own guilt is what is keeping me safe from myself still I know it's not good.

They say it's a cry for help. I've cried out for it but the only one I want to respond refuses me. I'm sorry. I'm just feeling in the dumps today. Everyday I still hope for a call from him even though he hasn't called me on his own for a few months now.

Today a huge bouquet of roses were delivered to my workplace. I wished so much that they were for me. They really were beautiful. Of course they weren't for me. They were for a guest. A guest that was there celebrating her first anniversary with her husband. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

((((((((Ivory)))))))))))

Hang in there! Go to a friends place tonite. Don't be alone. I too doubted my life after all this hell began...it is NOT worth it. You have way too much to offer the world. You have done NO wrong and life will carry on. Think of all your friends, your family that love and cherish you. Don't get me wrong, I can relate to your loneliness...when you are used to having someone to hold close to you, to kiss goodnight, etc., it is devastating when it is not there for you rather only through a camera. I, too, envy all of my friends who are still giddy in their marriage, all those I see holding hands, embracing, dancing together, etc. Someday soon, this will return to our lives. We have a lot to offer...just keep you head up and be confident about all the great qualities you possess. Things can only get better from here.

Get out tonite...call a friend, do something. You shouldn't be alone!

Keep smilin,

-K

my roommate is here. I don't really have anyone to go out with. I feel like I have to put on this strong face around the people I know. Most of the time I am how I was yesterday, strong in my convictions and how I'm dealing with my divorce. Every once in a while I still fall apart. I think I'm just going to get some sleep. My head hurts so much I feel like I'm going to black out anyway.