I've been having thoughts of hurting myself. Last night I had such a vivid dream of the same things. I'm scared for myself a little. But I'm more afraid to tell anyone.

I'm afraid it will be used against me somehow.

Dreams are teh margins of our consciousness where our operating system works out odd stuff that it doesn't know how to process.

If you have nagging feelings of feelingsbad about yourself, exaggerating these in a dream might be your OS' way of asessing how to process them.

You KNOW that hurting yourself is a dumb thing to do with so many folks alive who care for and depend on you.

I tried to hurt myself to get out of the pain some weeks ago. I'm pretty glad I didn't manage it or I wouldn't be here enjoying the new shoots of the rebirth of my marriage after near disaster.

Talk to someone close who you trust about these feelings/dreams, or seek profesional help if you fear you might act upon them.

Also it might help for you to ponder these points :

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. No-one on earth would be happier if you weren't here

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

{{{spinning the drain }}}

PLEASE call your dr or make an appt with a counselor asap. I don't know if you have a flesh and blood person to talk to about how you're feelling, but it is absolutely necessary. While there is great support and info here, it's no replacement for being able to unburden your heart with someone you trust. When I found out about my husband's A I didn't know who to call. I didn't want to tell ANYONE about all of the terrible things I just had learned. When I finally did begin to talk to family and friends I literally think it saved my sanity. I also went to the Dr and got my meds to help me cope right now.
Most importantly, your children need you. There is no one who can ever replace you in their lives, and you owe it to them to get whatever help you need to be able to cope. Please know that things will get better, but don't suffer in silence.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by spinning the drain:
<strong> I've been having thoughts of hurting myself. Last night I had such a vivid dream of the same things. I'm scared for myself a little. But I'm more afraid to tell anyone.

I'm afraid it will be used against me somehow. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">in the depths of my depression I used to think about running my car into an overpass- I look back now and am scared at how black my life was.
Is there someone that you can talk to that you would be comfortable confiding in- and IC or pastor? Please take care of yourself. Listen to Bob- he made some great points.

Bob, Thanks, but I don't know about that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I was toughed it through a severe depression 5 years ago. Had many of the thoughts you had SadFww. Many many of those thoughts, I would drive with tears in my eyes always. Now it is starting again.

I just feel totally lost. No meaning left. I have some great friends, great family. They don't have a clue to how I'm feeling. I'm too embarrassed to let them know.

I don't want to embrace that dark place, but I can feel it drawing me in.

Please go to your doctor and get some anti-d's. They work very, very well. Your mood is temporary, and will get better.

Do this for you right away.

I thought too that I could never share all of the horrible things my WH has said and done, and all of the horrible thoughts I had about myself. But I did reach out to family and friends, and the support and encouragement are amazing. Sure, when I told these things they were shocked and worried about me, but their support has kept me going and made me feel so much stronger. People love you and would do anything for you. Let someone in and you will be so relieved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by spinning the drain:
<strong> I was toughed it through a severe depression 5 years ago. Had many of the thoughts you had SadFww. Many many of those thoughts, I would drive with tears in my eyes always. Now it is starting again.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DO NOT TRY TO TOUGH THIS THROUGH!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO SEE A DOCTOR ASAP AND GET ON SOME Anti-D's! YES I AM SHOUTING!

I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE! PLEASE GET SOME HELP! NOW!

If I knew you IRL I would be driving you in myself and getting you taken care of! PLEASE take care of yourself- I KNOW the cliff you are hanging over. PLEASE seek help before you fall off of it. CALL AND MAKE AN APPT. DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm too embarrassed to let them know.

Ah yes...Embarassment. Well worth suffering and dying for....NOT !!

Jesus...

Look, phone your best friend NOW THIS SECOND an cry to them. They will come see you. Hold them.

Everybody hurts sometimes, take comfort in your friends.DON'T throw your hand !!!

Take the pain away from your life, do NOT consider taking your life away from the pain. It WINS then because you lose any future happiness God has in mind for you.

PHONE THAT PERSON NOW.
Christ if you have no-one call me on +44 1384 242269. I'm a useless bloke but I WILL NOT LET a smart, beauiful person be overwhelmed by MANAGEABLE problems !!!!
Call your BEST friend or relative , professional help or even ME NOW.

<small>[ October 28, 2004, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Spinning the drain,

So many of us here have been where you are. Please listen, you are not alone.

I had a complete nervous breakdown when I was 27, my older sister had to come get me after a suicide attempt. But years later (now I'm 45) my life is wonderful.

I do know all about the darkness, as do others on this thread. Please call Bob, he is wonderful, and he has been where you are.

SPinning I have to go to bed now - Its past midnight here in the UK but if you need to call me on +44 1384 359287. If U don't want to call, email pure bob at evomail dot co dot uk

Its only sleep, dude, and you are people

{{{spinning}}}

Don't define yourself by your divorce ,mate. Take back the permission you gave your STBXW to control your happiness.

All blessings and kind thoughts.

<small>[ October 30, 2004, 12:50 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Spinning,

Are you still reading?

As someone on here said not too long ago,

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Please don't hurt yourself. Your pain can be relieved with A/D's. Just hang on until you can get to the doctor. Hang on here until then.

Please hang on, I know your pain and I am afraid for you. The A/D's will take a few weeks to kick in, but there is an end to the pain in sight. This is all you need to hold on to for now. There is an end to your pain through A/D's.

And ask God to take away your pain, even if it only a chant like this -

Please God, take away my pain. He will, just ask, please.

And don't give in to the darkness.

((((((spinning the drain)))))

weaver

Spinning, LOOK at the folks praying for you ! If Net 'strangers' car ethis much imagine how much your friends do !

Be strong, see your doctor. No weakness in geting treatment for a disease mate.

Almighty Father, through your Son Jesus you experienced the desolation of fear and abandonment that our Friend Spinning is within right now. Open his heart NOW Lord to the FACT of your Grace, that through Christs death and resurrection he need never feel alone no submit to the darkness.
Lift his spirit Lord, and protect it in YOUR mighty and perfect care, and remove these dark thoughts from him.
Grant him hope of joy for the rest of his life as he moves on from the tragedy of infidelity.

In Jesus wonderful name, we pray. Amen

Spinning, you got though another black day. See ? You CAN do this !I'll leave my contacts up for a while in case you want to call me. Better if you call a friend and confide though.

{{{spinning}}}

Check in with us this morning- and let us know how you're doing.

I'm worried about you.

Ping ! Hope you're more positive Spinning. Check in please. We care, right ?

STD (Holy cow - have you READ your initials?)

Anyway - you expressed a fear that your thoughts could be held against you in some way - THEY CAN'T! Not legally. Buck up and see a doc, hon. It's what's best for YOU and your FAMILIA! You're worthy and worth the effort.

- Kimmy

Spinning, check in please mate. Worried about ya br'a.

WE ALL KNOW you will feel great again soon,but you don't believe that.

Check in spinning the drain, we're worried about ya...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm not feeling well. Had the kids for a visit. I read on here that someone said they hated being called a visitor to thier children.

I feel like I'm in a prison. Get a visit to my cell on a few occassions a month.

I came home last night, after dropping off the kids. My heart always races like crazy when I'm driving them to "thier" home. Then I drive to "my" home...alone.

After being back in my sparsely furnished and undecorated apartment. It doesn't take long before those stupid feelings just overwhelm me. I can't find enough distractions, can't get motivated enough.

I'm not sure I want to distract myself.