Hello

I been a MB member for some time now. I have changed my nickname for personal reasons.

Recently I found out, my H had contact again with OW, wich he denied, until the proof was undeniable and he told me.

I'm going to hire a PI, and find once and for all if this OW is really M, and if so the information about her H, and give him a call.

I been at this for almost 2 years now since I found out, and I think it's time to play this differently.

For all of you who had contacted OW's H, what was the best approach to do this?

Thank you

<small>[ October 29, 2004, 06:01 AM: Message edited by: cdgirl ]</small>

I used a PI...I found him thru a dear friend..he is a retired State Police Officer..Great Guy...probably not as pricey as a company would be.

Give alittle more detail on what you need from him..

I found out the following:

If I supplied the phone number he told me who it was - especially cell phones..

Had him follow WH - which confirmed my suspicions.

Tracked license plate to who owned car, address, home phone, birth date, where they worked. Former addresses, etc.

Checked out house as to who was living there, kids, husband, etc.

My WH told me OP was single...I checked the internet under property assesments that this OP was M - as house had joint ownership..PI drove by found out H still lives there..

They can be helpful..Just use money orders to pay them - so nothing is traced back to you if you are hiding this from your WH..YOu may want to use a friends address for any corresponce too..

Hope you find what you are looking for..

Hi ITHURTS

I got a lot of information already about OW, but nothing about her H.

I want to know his name and work number and just give him a call and drop it to him too.

I'm looking for the best approach on this, I have not done it before you know? And I'm trying to look at a possitive way to approach this encounter.

It might take a while, since the date witht the PI is tomorrow, but guessing in all the information I'm going to give him, it is not going to be hard.

I have to go with a company, I don't know anyone else who knows about that things here.

Thanks for your reply

edited to add

I'm not confirming any suspicious. I already know for a fact they have seen each other again, wich of course is against the NC rule. If it was a one time encounter or it has been happening for some time now it's besides the point. I thought we were in recovery, and we are not.

<small>[ October 28, 2004, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: cdgirl ]</small>

I just did my PI work myslef. The internet is amazing! I found out everything about OW. I eve rode by her house with a friend and took pictures of my H car in her driveway. You have to be very careful though. Since I can't get alimony but I can get rehabilitaive alimony if I want to go back to school.....I plan on going to school to become a PI! I'm sure my H will just love that! Hehehehehehehe!!!!
Good luck.
I don't know what state you live in but I know a PI here in Florida.

I just did my PI work myslef. The internet is amazing! I found out everything about OW. I eve rode by her house with a friend and took pictures of my H car in her driveway. You have to be very careful though. Since I can't get alimony but I can get rehabilitaive alimony if I want to go back to school.....I plan on going to school to become a PI! I'm sure my H will just love that! Hehehehehehehe!!!!
Good luck.
I don't know what state you live in but I know a PI here in Florida.

I just did my PI work myslef. The internet is amazing! I found out everything about OW. I eve rode by her house with a friend and took pictures of my H car in her driveway. You have to be very careful though. Since I can't get alimony but I can get rehabilitaive alimony if I want to go back to school.....I plan on going to school to become a PI! I'm sure my H will just love that! Hehehehehehehe!!!!
Good luck.
I don't know what state you live in but I know a PI here in Florida.

I just did my PI work myslef. The internet is amazing! I found out everything about OW. I eve rode by her house with a friend and took pictures of my H car in her driveway. You have to be very careful though. Since I can't get alimony but I can get rehabilitaive alimony if I want to go back to school.....I plan on going to school to become a PI! I'm sure my H will just love that! Hehehehehehehe!!!!
Good luck.
I don't know what state you live in but I know a PI here in Florida.

Hi TreeReich

Like I said I have done a lot of work too, and know a lot about OW, but basic information. I don't even know how she looks like.

I think it's time for a pro, and forget about it for some time myself. This kind of information needs to be done by a pro.

I'm not worry about alimony or money anymore. God will provide and I just got a raise at my job, that will allow me to live and save some.

I live outside of USA. So internet use is not an option for me, databases are not good here as there.

Thanks

Hi, I've thought about this too....don't have the resources, so never did it, went around doing the P.I. work myself too. I didn't end up coming to any conclusions.....my H and the girl weren't sleeping together, but I think it was only because she wasn't interested, and I played a part in that too.

He was spending WAY too much time with this girl, and I was not happy, so I asked him about it. I accused him of sleeping with her, he denied it, I drove by her house on several occasions and caught him there, one time they were out front talking, and I drove up in my friends car and stopped right at the end of the driveway and just looked at them. My husband said "Oh...hi, I was just getting ready to come home..." I said "Oh okay, well I just didn't know when to make dinner..." and I drove away.

Since the girl had just purchased a new home I went to the store and bought a house plant, and a card and a toy for her dog, and went over there and gave it to her. I said "Hi Shannon, I just wanted to stop over and give you this housewarming gift" she said her thank you's gave the dog the toy, and then I said "I don't know if you know this, but Mark and I are separating...." She said "No...I didn't know that, I'm sorry" I said "Well, it's been flipping me out a little bit that he's been "helping" you so much." She said "Oh! It's nothing like that! I hope you didn't think that!!" I said "No, it's not you, it's me..." Then I said "Okay, I'm going to go, have a good night"

The way I figure it, if this girl had any morals at all, she wouldn't be able to blow off my visit. So I think she may have possibly been entertaining the idea, but I squashed it.

I also did some other investigative work online, I found out most of her SS#, I already knew her address, I found out how much she paid for her house, her previous addresses, her neighbors names and addresses, her previous neighbors names and addresses, he ex-boyfriend that she lived with's current address/phone number....etc.

I got mad one day and told my husband every shred of information I'd found on her. I just started reading it......he freaked out. I said "you better back the hell off of this girl, cuz I'm about to crawl up her [censored] with a microscope" Compounded by the fact that I was getting ready to call the corporate office of the company she works for (she manages a candy store) and tell them I didn't think it was good for company business to have their manager sleeping around with patrons husbands. (I didn't do it). I guess what I'm trying to say is, I found out the majority of the things a P.I could have found on my own....and this was ALL before I found Marriage Builders. I have since backed out of the P.I. business, and guess what....there is NO evidence that they are seeing each other...so I guess my tactics worked.

I kept all the info just in case, but I think I sufficiently freaked them both out of any relationship with each other.....LOL

-Caren

Check this link Affair Exposure

-rh-

Hi CarenMc

Like I said, internet use here for that is useless, I live outside of USA.

I'm not going to do a threat to no one, just tell things how they have been for a while and let them figure it out. Right now I don't got much to loose besides my crappy H, so I guess I'll pass over this too. Been separated for a year already, and I was doing good until he came back again.

I swear I thought things we doing great, but they weren't.
This time is different, and although I'm terribly sad, I don't feel hopeless anymore, I guess he has LBed me big enough for so long that I don't care anymore.

Thank you redhat for the link.

But mostly it was on about telling of not. I struggled with this for almost 2 years since I found out and made my mind on telling. My point is in how to approach?

Personally? E-mail if I can get it? Phone?

And what to tell

Thanks again

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cdgirl:
<strong>My point is in how to approach?

Personally? E-mail if I can get it? Phone?

And what to tell

Thanks again </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would not tell by email or mail, at least by phone.

What to tell ?. You have to have enough prove before you call him. Such as last time when they met and place so on, share the PI's info. w/ him. Call him and just tell him that you have prove that WH have an affair with his W. Tell him you try to salvage your M and you would answer any question he ask about the A.

Good luck & update us w/ your experience to help others. Then again OW might be single.

Where do you live ?

-rh-

Got mine from the attorney-never needed him.

Try looking at www.survivinginfidelity.com

They have an area on investigating. Good luck!

There is voice activated tape rec., check o mate-checks for traces of sperm, GPS on and on. Worth reading.

If you can afford it, a P.I. is definitely the way to go. Probably the best ones are retired police officers.
Don't do it by email or mail, do it by phone.
When I first called OM's W, the first words out of my mouth to her were, "This is probably the hardest call I have ever had to make."
Tell the truth, all of it, the whole story from the beginning to the end.
Assure him that you are not after him. That you are only interested in the truth coming out.

Words that exclaim you are lowering your defenses, does go a long way in them listening to you.

redhat

Thank you I was planing on either a call and opening up an email account and gave him log/pass of it and the proof would be there. Already done. Is not much, but the PI will help on that.

You have posted to me before way in the past at my early days here. Thank you again. I'm from latin america <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

new jersey

I'm not from USA, thanks for the link anyway.

TTsi

Thank you
This was the kind of advice I were looking for.

Now last night someone made me think over on taking this approach. I'm still going to date the PI and see if I can afford it and give it a go ahead.

What I think is sure, is that I got to separate again and think things more deeply.

Thanks!